So it’s been
quite some time since I submitted my notice period to the higher ups but I haven’t
heard from them yet. I don’t even know if they have looked at it or even
received it.
But while
the top brass takes it own sweet time to decide my fate, what am I supposed to
do? Twiddle my thumbs? Yes, like a true professional, I am trying my best to
continue but my heart is really not into it. That’s the reason why I have put
in my papers.
The first
hint came a few years ago, but I suppressed it. Nothing good ever comes out of
such thoughts. I had a good gig running here, why give it all up for some
strange notion which I don’t even understand. There were many more hints and
nudges but I calmly ignored them as flights of fancy. I mean…really to give up
working which not only made me decent money but also gave me satisfaction? One
must be really dumb to give up such things.
The next few
times, I attributed to boredom and searched for external pleasures and pursuits
which kept me gainfully occupied till the next time. But the frequencies of
these nudges have increased since then.
I have since
then taken up various pursuits and drilled it into myself that real happiness
comes from being in the thick of things and not without. I have become a
workaholic, picked up hobbies like classical dancing, travelled, mellowed down
my outlook, rationalized my behavior, actually found happiness in loving my
niece, been nice to family & friends but the restlessness continues.
These are
all distractions to keep me from questioning the higher ups for their lack of
acknowledgement of my notice. And the distractions can only help so much. At
the end of the day, I know that they are distractions.
Nothing
works for me anymore… it’s not just cynicism, but I do catch myself asking ‘What’s
the point?’ more often than one should. Yes, there are thousands of books still
waiting to be read, lots of movies that I haven’t even heard of, places that
need to be experienced, food that needed to be had, sex that needed to linger and
people that needed to be understood. But do I care?
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