Excuses People Make

You have seen ‘Shit people Say’ and it’s many variations on youtube. You also know that this shit people say is actually shit. But here is some shit that you hear everyday.

I will be late today, water problems

Image Courtesy: Google

Stuck in traffic jam, be there in 10

Oh that report, I must have missed it

What mail? I didn’t get any mail

I had done the PPT, somebody deleted it

Sorry can’t make it, have other plans

I am really tired, can't make it

Oh that’s a nice scarf

Give me 2 minutes and I’ll send that mail

I’ll take a quick break and be back
I have an early morning flight 

Oh I saw your sms now

I really want to be with you

We know each other for donkey's years
I loved you in that movie/show/society dance competition

Like

What they really mean?

Image Courtesy: Google

I will be late today, water problems – I just got up

Stuck in traffic jam, be there in 10 – I just got up

Oh that report, I must have missed it – I was facebooking

What mail? I didn’t get any mail – I was facebooking

I had done the PPT, somebody deleted it – I don’t know what PPT this is

I am really tired, can't make it – I rather meet my boyfriend

Oh that’s a nice scarf – I don’t have to mention the hideous shirt

Give me 2 minutes and I’ll send that mail – What mail, what mail?

I’ll take a quick break and be back – wait for me
I have an early morning flight - my morning starts at 11 am

Oh I saw your sms now – I was facebooking

I really want to be with you – but only on SMS

We know each other for donkey's years - can't remember your name
I loved you in that movie/show/society dance competition – I haven’t seen it actually

Like – can’t ignore this

My reaction to this shit? Rolling eyes, angry expression, fuming flaring nostrils? Ah, never mind. 

Whistleblower…who lost the whistle!

What do you do when you chance upon an explosive piece of information that can stir things up in an already chaotic environment? Do you believe in your own luck or start questioning it…do you share it with anyone… or sit on it till the time is ripe… how do you know that the time is ripe anyways?

If you have any sense of morality, you approach the authorities and let fate/law take its own course of action…what do you do if your morality needs a crash course in counseling? Do you drown yourself in the elixir of life or rummage through tech handbooks for that button camera?

If you are yours truly, you very lamely present it to the top brass without any corroborating evidence and hope that the genius of your luck sandblasts the film of mediocrity coursing through your veins…failing which there is always the infinite digital space to rant and rave!

But what if that explosive piece explodes into nothing more than a whimper and hushed even further by watchdogs of the corrupt? Do sit back and lament how your luck has run out or how you were not smart enough to cash in or how you had no morals that your conscience didn’t even prick a teeny weeny bit?

Nah! You just move on… put everything in perspective and give in to fate! Or post an ambiguous status on Facebook? Or buy a real whistle like me?

Selfish Little

In a country like India were poverty is always on the rise it hurts to see so much of food grain rot in the rains.
You know what... read it in the papers this morning ....makes me wonder why nobody is giving any importance to it... Jessica Lall was murdered and thousands of people who were not affected by her murder directly stayed up all night and lit candles and it felt good to see so many of us mobilizing towards the greater good of the society....but it’s the same janta which is least bothered with all these food grains rotting away....something which affects us directly....will it take a murder of a beautiful lady for us to start a movement again?? Why can’t all of us FB empowered netizens start something a little more worthwhile instead of self indulgent status messages...can we??
But what can we exactly do?? Start another Candle Lit March towards the gateway? Or start a Pink Chaddi campaign?
Well, since I am like the rest of the population who likes armchair theories and couch preaching as well… and don’t have a cause in which I believe in … I can jot down few steps
Option 1:
We all can start a long discussion and hope that it generates enough buzz to come to the notice of sensible and self motivated people who will actually do something about it
Our Fyada: - we will feel good about one little thing and if this movement gains importance we can brag about it to our grandkids someday
Option 2:
We all start a long discussion and urge people to take out some time from their busy and hectic life to start a letter addressed to Ashok Gulati, Director, FCI, who says that "The total storage capacity is 28 million tonnes ... this leads to losses of 10 – 15 per cent. Translate this into value... that is 6 million tonnes of grains damaged, unfit for human consumption ... it amounts to Rs 8,000 to Rs 10,000 crores annually." We mark a copy to the Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh, Minister of Agriculture and Minister of Consumer Affairs, Food & Public Distribution Mr. Sharad Pawar, Minister of Home Affairs Mr. P. Chidambaram. The creative ones amongst us can put together a nice power point presentation and the hard working sincere types can research the facts and figures for it. The enterprising ones can follow up with the above mentioned people to see whether they have read said draft. The ones in media can slyly slip a draft into the editorial meeting and the ad guys can maybe take a dig or so in one their copies.
Our Fyada: Since we are using our core competencies and not leaving our armchairs, we can chat with our friends while doing this. Also, we can splurge on dal and rice and not eat spend agonizing hours wondering what to order for lunch which is healthy, tasty and doesn’t pinch the pockets also… we are after all saving up for that Jimmy Choos and that Tag Heuer. It’s still an inspiring story for the grandkids (kids will listen to anything).
So what will we choose?

Patriotism, Where art Thou??

60 years of the republic….and we get a new version of a music video to show… that was one of the major stories of the nation’s foremost newspaper.
Republic day has always been special for me… as a small town schoolgirl….the day always started with the whole family glued to the television set…watching the parade being telecast live from New Delhi where the president takes the salute.
The ultimate aim for me in those days…to be part of the parade and win bravery awards, from the hands of the President, the highest authority in our country. Many days were spent in scheming how to put my elder sister in life threatening situations so that I could come and save her and win the coveted award. But these were only day dreams fuelled by overzealous empty mind.
Our hometown also had a mini parade on the republic day, where various schools would participate and march past the chief minister (oh the joys of democracy…if not the President, I had the humble CM)…winning the best platoon for the school was a good enough high… nothing made me happier or prouder than carrying the trophy back to the school, flaunting it all along on the way, teasing the rival schools with it.
That competitiveness has not surfaced since those school times again.
When I got a chance to move out from my parent’s home and stayed in Delhi… among my to-do lists was to see the Republic day parade in person at the India gate itself…alas, four years in Delhi and the only trip to India gate was for Ice-cream after late night parties. When I did express a desire to go watch the parade, my new found big city friends, made so much fun of my small town aspirations, that I completely dropped the idea of patriotism leave alone the parade. Besides, where was the time?? I had to earn my daily bread…make a mark in my career, that was how I was going to do my bit for the country, not by watching some silly parade… grow up girl, I said to myself and glugged down another drink to celebrate the republic day with my colleagues.
Half a decade later, in another new city, exploring my own independence, I came to the conclusion, that it is idle chatter for bored housewives and retired government officials… no one bothers about the parade which still is celebrated with as much pomp and show as it was some 25 years ago…many kids don’t even care about it… they are more interested in their PSP, WII or any such abbreviations.
But then these are the same kids, who will gladly raise awareness through their posts on twitter and facebook, and light thousands of candles for some cause or the other. Can I blame them then that they don’t know a Kuchipudi from a Khathakali …since the Republic day parade among other things did improve the general knowledge of us kids by telling us about the various traditions and customs of the other states… by making us sing the same sur in all our songs?
I watched the parade on TV after a long time and still had goosebumps for some reason… even though I knew that this is just another celebration for India… it will go back to its mudslinging and fighting in the parliament… it will go back to its defense land scams … or some new controversy with Mr. Babble mouth on twitter…the tableaux will be discarded… the children thanked and handed over a certificate of participation which will gather dust somewhere… the President shaking her white overcoat and finally getting the joke that the Korean guest had said… things will become normal… after the showcase of patriotism, things will be back to being the same.
But why the goosebumps??
Maybe because 60 years of the republic and half of that spent in my cynicism… still the nation has not done that bad …the ways to express it may have changed… but like religion, patriotism is best expressed individually.
P.S – I always wanted to know if there is any prize for the thousands of audience who come to watch the Republic day parade at India Gate… braving the Delhi Winter, early in the morning, with 6 inches of makeup…who are these people… nobody I know has ever been to such a shindig…who are these people… can we start a fund for them…the real patriots??

Legally Gay???

First they tell us that we need a certificate to be with the person we love (marriage), then they tell us that the person needs to be from the opposite sex...now they are telling us that it maybe ok if the person is from the same sex... well hang on ...Why do I need a rationing of love... of self-expression?

Detractors (read religious groups) are arguing that it is not natural... it is against God's will... well how the hell do they know what God's will is??

Adam and Eve committed a crime in the garden of Eden... it was a sin... for which humans are still paying... isnt this what we have been taught... well now I realize what the sin was... they made out with the opposite sex... they were meant to wait for the same sex person .... homosexuality was the order of the day!... same sex conjugality was a complete NO NO... thats why we were told that Adam and Eve committed the biggest Sin... but now with evolution, world politics, 6-packs, size zero, global warming, reality shows, Neverland, cloning, nanos, facebooking we have forgotten the original sin and replaced it with being Gay.