Cherry Blossoms

Every spring, something grips me…makes me smile lovingly at kids, even when they are crying, wearing those squeaky shoes and making a racket…makes me call my mum more than once in a fortnight, our established arrangement of interference…makes me reach out to all my friends and enquire about their life without reminding them of the geeky school days …makes me (horror of horrors!) say hello to the neighbor’s cat without showing it the finger.

It makes me resist my urge to throw a shoe at the fish vendor, howling at the top of his voice in the morning, right before breakfast when the constitution is frail. Or using my limited vocab of the official language expletives, at the garbage truck, idling loudly right below my bedroom window. It makes me use the plant spray bottle, my version of the air gun, go a little off the mark while shushing the stray dogs below the balcony.

Telemarketers are greeted politely and even jested with a playful touch, while cab and auto rickshaw drivers get a tip and perhaps a song squeaked hoarsely and tunelessly if alcohol runs my life at that time.

I plan vacations to various places, especially Tokyo with nary a care about the bank balance. I reach out to lovers’ future past with no regard to their current emotional state. It makes me remember the pranks carried out with detailed planning, destined to fail, at the lack of basic logic with no embarrassment at all.

It makes me forget the transgressions of silly social media uproars and the voices of both Pappu and NaMo …no Kejri and the AAPtards are still not included. It doesn’t make my blood boil to see people loosely using the word ‘Rape’ or being selective over the value of human life.

Every spring, I become a monster. Every spring, I wish the monster would stay forever. Beyond spring. Beyond reality.

In our country, in Mumbai where there are only two climates - Summer & Monsoon.

“I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.”- Pablo Neruda

What’s your beef with my beef? : Open letter to the people in power

Dear Mr. President Pranab Da,

http://indianexpress.com/article/india/india-others/beef-banned-in-maharashtra-5-yrs-jail-rs10000-fine-for-possession-or-sale/

I read in today’s papers that you gave your assent to the Maharashtra Animal Preservation (Amendment) Bill, 1995, nearly 19 years after the Maharashtra Assembly passed the Bill during the BJP-Shiv Sena rule in 1995.

Which means that apart from the slaughter of cows (previously banned), Buffaloes and bulls can’t be slaughtered as well. Only water buffaloes can be slaughtered now.

Our honourable Chief Minister Devendra Fadnavis in his eternal wisdom tweeted his thanks to you as well.

While I don’t have a beef with your political power games, I wonder what your issue with my palate is. Why don’t you want me to eat the food I want? Am I eating it out of your plate? Am I asking you to pay for it? Considering you all eat stuff at subsidized rates at the parliament canteen for Rs. 29 (read it in the same paper how our honourable Prime Minister descended to the canteen for a free photo op), I have to shell out atleast 100 bucks for a decent meal. I also have to earn my living and pay taxes unlike most of you who have amassed wealth disproportionate to your work experience.

Mr. Narendra Modi Sir, when you came into power, I maintained my faith in you to deliver, even discounting some of the ambitious ones. I have also taken the recent Delhi election debacle in stride. But I am beginning to doubt your effectiveness now.

While I am no expert in how to run a country, state or even a city, I did run a small department in my limited work life and I do realize that it’s not easy to please everyone and all calls have to be taken for the greater good of the project.

However, I fail to understand what greater good is there in banning slaughter of bulls and buffaloes (to the already banned slaughter of cows). I know that you are busy, but I would request you or someone from your team to address this issue.

I kept quiet when you showed your swag in a narcissistic striped suit, I kept my peace when you kept quiet amidst the communal violence in several states, I kept my faith when you gave verbal reassurance on the black money stashed abroad issue. I vented a bit when freedom of speech was abused when those sweet guys at AIB made a roast. I kept on trolling when lip service to Swachh Bharat happened without a proper roadmap. About the budget, I limited my ire to revamping the idiotic IRCTC website and priorities on development. On the issue of rape and women’s safety, I mostly kept calm as it is a deep seated gender issue. I know some issues will take generations to show even the slightest change.

But I fail to understand how my consumption of beef is going to ensure a safer, cleaner, higher GDP, democratic government?

If you could only share your reasons behind this, I would be much grateful and would convince my friends who all have been stocking up meat to accept this ban gracefully.

I should also point out that I am born to Hindu parents, had a catholic education (read convent school ;)), wear my hair short to match my short clothes, smoke cigarettes, consume alcohol out of my hard earned money, travel alone, not married even at the ripe age of 36, well read, have an interest in current affairs, troll the Congress, pay taxes diligently and have never considered living in any other country than India. But most importantly, I prefer logic over blind faith.  And I love my beef chilli fry, mallu style.

With so many issues on my plate (ignore the pun, please), I don’t want my tipping point to be this beef ban. And I am sincerely hoping that I am convinced that this ban is for the greater good for the country and mankind.

3rd time lucky?

So this is the 3rd blast in Mumbai which has happened near me… and when I say near I mean near… the first (7/11) where 7 serial blasts send shockwaves across the country….it happened when I took the train home… had left early from work….I had to walk home cursing everybody not knowing what was going on. The next day there were slogans on ‘the spirit of mumbai’. Memories of human sea and panic have added to my claustrophobia.

Next was the 26/11, where the hostage saga carried on for 54 hours … I was shooting in the same locations for a channel id and had unfortunately packed up on time and had just left when we got the call. Memories of widespread media panic-mileage-hype added to my disgust.

The third time is today, 13/7 where 3 blasts again sent the media hype to a zenith. This time my office was nearby the site and yet again this was a day I had chosen to step out from work early. Wonder what memories will plague me this time?

Moral of the story – don’t leave work early, coz I may not be lucky the next time.

Lady of Justice demands a New Sword, says it’s rusted like all Verdicts

Mumbai, 26th Nov 2010

In an interview statement, the lady of justice most commonly referred to as Insaaf ki Devi (not to be confused with Rakhi Sawant and her brand of potent insaaf), has demanded a New Sword before she can deliver more verdicts. Citing the accumulated rust on the sword as the chief reason for the delay in justice, she also claims that while the sword is being procured, we might as well get her a new pair of scales and a blindfold.

Explaining the significance of the scales, blindfold and the sword to a hyper television journalist, the lady of justice lost her cool and almost raised the sword at the hyper journalist.

Ram Mohan, who had been following up on the lady of justice’s demands for the last month or half was shocked when the lady raised the selfsame sword at him. “I was just asking how the rusted sword and verdict were co-related when she threatened me” wailed Ram Mohan, clutching his pounding heart.

Later, to clarify that she did not take the law in her own hands, the lady of justice explained the rationale behind her out of character actions in an exclusive interview, “The nerve of that journalist to ask me the co-relation between my sword and verdict?? Next he will be asking the significance of the blindfold. I did what I did to protect my integrity. If he doesn’t know the reason of such simple things that we are taught in schools, he shouldn’t be a journalist at all. Everyone knows that the blindfold is to be impartial while delivering the verdict. The scales are to weigh all the evidence thoroughly and the sword means decisiveness. Court proceedings should not take months or years.”

Explaining how the rusted sword was being a hindrance to justice, she appealed to the Instant Insaaf team to buy her a new sword as she was tired of hearing justice denied is justice delayed slogans every time some group or the other woke up.

Lamenting that the cost of a new sword just is much lower that the cost of maintain lengthy records over so many years, the lady of justice suggested that if she was given a brand new sword every year, she would be able to dispense justice much quickly and prevent repeated appeals to higher courts as a delay tactic used by many to avoid prison or death penalty.

In other unrelated news, Ajmal Kasab has asked for a brand new shirt saying that he deserves one on the anniversary of his career high.