What is Love?

Poets, Writers, filmmakers, the good for nothing guy next door to the hot co-worker in the shortest skirts have been asking this question to themselves, to God and to anybody who gives a damn.
During vella days I have also done my share of pondering over it and spent endless productive hours debating about it with various friends, colleagues, drinking buddies, bosses, family members, strangers, cute guys at random places, irritating people at even random places to no logical conclusion.
Yes it is a controversial topic and it changes from person to person, region to region, culture to culture, situation to situation, young to old, drunk to sober, you get the drift? And I’m sure that what we thought as love when we were toddlers and what we know now, transitioning through phases of kids, teenage, youth, etc the meaning as also evolved and transitioned from a mothers soothing look, to a fathers pat on the shoulder, to teachers smile, to a friends high five, to bosses handshake, etc.
Many a times, in-between these various gestures we somehow end up all confused and lost and forget the basic thing of love, of sharing of affection till suddenly somebody somehow sneaks in that gesture which leaves you wondering if you really know anything about it or if you are still fumbling your way through.
You can’t describe it your friends, you can’t explain it … it’s not creepy, not shy, not confused, not sexual, not un-sexual, not hurried....but very comforting, very friendly, very soothing, very reciprocative… something which gets a smile to your face even when you think about it.
And on World Aid’s Day I guess I have to thank Vaspy for adding that smile. No co-relation though.

Restraining Order

In this age of dime a dozen Fatwas, PILS, RTI acts and eons of such legal babble, it is quite common to hear the phrase Restraining Order or Gag Order. Everyone, right from a delivery boy of trans-fat laden fast food to the waited at hand and feet heir knows the legal parlance made with a quest to confuse.

After immersing myself in the dusty and busy bylanes of Google and Wikipedia, at the cost of much needed sleep and an urge to dash to the toilet for empting myself of bodily fluids every 15 minutes, I completed my research and restrained myself to jump about and celebrate.

But what does this Restraining Order do? According to the heavy and dusty law books - A restraining order or order of protection is a form of legal injunction. The term is most commonly used in reference to domestic violence, harassment, stalking or sexual assault.

While there are differences from state to state or case to case, the bottom line is for the abuser to stay away from someone, their home, their workplace or their school and to stop contacting them. Victims generally also can ask the court to order that all contact, whether by telephone, notes, mail, fax, email or delivery of flowers or gifts, is prohibited.

I have been always been accused of being restrained in my behavior…in the sense that my emotions don’t display themselves in full force. This has always been at variant with my self-belief of being a highly sensitive person.

So when a restraining order was slapped on me by my seniors, I like most Indians jumped in glee …finally here is my road to glory, atleast now everyone will remember me with that faint aftertaste of disdain…. “Oh…she, the one with a restraining order….she was horrible at her work, we all thought she was gonna get under the pressure and with like the others, but she managed to do the unthinkable….like a rabbit out of the hat, she pulled a restraining order and is now the toast of all and sundry…remind me to ask her how she managed to do it”

But I am slightly confused about the Do’s and Don’ts of this order. According to my instructions, I am …

1. Not supposed to interact with the victim
2. Not supposed to make eye contact with the victim
3. Not supposed to greet the victim in a friendly fashion
4. Not supposed to breathe in the general direction of the victim

But does that mean that ….

1. I cannot offer them a hand if they slip on a banana peel (of course they will, I will put the peel for them)
2. I cannot get up and offer a chair in a crowded room (after having made sure that the room has just one less chair than needed)
3. I cannot crack jokes within earshot of the victim
4. I cannot re-interrupt the interruption caused by the victim

Maybe I should just take a hike and dismiss all these as playful imagination as a result of a hectic and unpredictable soirée of Khel Khel Mein.

Baby Pratyasha is an Angel!

Look Ma, I even have wings, not the fake wings that the teachers used to put on us for school concerts…but real ones, which can flap… I even got a wand… only it does no magic like Harry Potters, but every time I move it around, tiny stars fall around it like a trail. I have a lovely white dress that never gets dirty even if I roll around on the ground…but then there is no ground! We are on some kind of fluffy, snowy surface, like clouds.

But Ma, the best part is that there is no homework… I don’t have to bother about class tests and exams. But there was this wrinkled lady who reminded me of our geography teacher who showed me my patch of the cloud, she looked very strict. I guess even here there are some rules and regulations.

The rules are not many, just that I have to keep smiling the whole day…now c’mon that’s not at all difficult… when I realize that I don’t have to sit for any board exams or compete with my own friends and random strangers to get into college, vie with girls to get a guy, struggle to get to work in the increasing traffic, manage to squeeze in a little time for you in my increasingly hectic adult life… I rather be here and smile away to glory.

Although, I will miss going to school and meeting my friends and playing hopscotch with them (yeah I know we never played that… we have moved on to video games and stuff…but it’s nice sentimental stuff).

But the best part is that, I can get to watch you as you go about your work…I can see you as you fold my arms over my chest…I can see the love that you had for me… I can see how tired you are, I can see how you need some rest…I think its best that God decided to get me here… at least you will get some rest.

Get some sleep Ma; go on take a nap while you are waiting for the flight. I will watch over you like you have done countless times, I will not let anyone disturb you. And I will always be smiling … for you, forever.

Smile and wave …smile and wave…smile and wave…hey stars fall out of my hands when I wave… this is so cool… do they fall out of my feet when I walk… but hey, I don’t have to move my legs to walk….i’m actually gliding across…ma, look I can glide… ma, look….

Go Green!

The environmentalists are waking up now, I have been following the green bandwagon even before it was fashionable for the size zeroes to say 'kareena'. Although my love for the colour green had more to do with hormonal changes where in instead of checking out the fuzz on a man's face I preferred to study the designs of his cobbler.

Little did I know that the fad would put in an unusual spot in the future.

So when God with that twisted humour of his decided to spice things up ... few inglourious basterds came into the picture and saved the day.

I was left wondering how and why this whole situation arose... and am left with no answers... its one of those cosmic capers that make life so wonderful and confused at the same time... the confusion is solely the fault of my cynical nature and has nothing to do with the winged creature with the angelic smile.

Many have commented on the strangeness of the choice including yours truly, but strange are the ways of the estrogen and I have learned to live with it by now I guess.

Although the icing of the cake is that the bloke in question has moved from green to blue!

30 year old kisses 18 year old

It was my friend bday and she was a bit depressed that she was turning 30 (I had been through the same feeling few months ago... so I could totally empathise with her), so we decided to spice things up for her ... we were at our regular watering hole and generally being the usual boisterous group owning to the fact that we were regulars there and all the waiters and managers were bullied into the celebrations, when somebody (I gladly take credit here) came up with this brilliant idea that the bday girl kisses the 3rd man that walks in the door.

So, with bated breath we waited and counted and we were really expecting a Johnny Bravo kind of dude to walk in... while bday girl was hoping that we all drop dead for coming up with this ridiculous idea (secretly hoping that the 3rd man be a really Cool Knight in Shinning Armour to walk in with complete fanfare) wheras the bday girls soulmate had already started flexing his muscles in an attempt to beat up the 3rd guy in any category.

Lo and Behold, Man 1 enters and is rejected by the sheer coincidence of numerical first, Man 2 is the 2nd best of the first variable and then enter a bevy of giggly girls... and our heartbeats have gone up a beat higher than F1 final leg... and enters Man 3....yooohooo.... but wait a min... it turns out to be an eighteen year old boy and like true protectors of the regular patron (read bday girl), the waiters and managers swoop in and surround the boy and start frisking him for his ID proof...coz people above 21 are only allowed... we waiting on the sides like bloodhounds also do our bit by screaming "You Boy... You Boy ...over here ...hurry... over here)...poor boy is all nervous, what with hysterical women screaming all over him and waiters and bouncers baying for his blood aka his ID....

In the midst of all this, the soul mate had a change of heart and propostioned the hapless boy for the bday girl... the poor boy didnt know what to do with this blatant demand, all the while trying to look cool since...then his girlfriend decided to step in and save his day (like all GF's do) and gave him "permision"... the boy timidly stepped up looking expectantly at the sword (read kiss) hanging over his neck (read lips) admist the whole gang cheering him on... imagine his horror when the bday girl equally timid gets up and plants a friendly peck on his cheeks... he almost fainted from the whole pressure of expecting a bazooka and being confounded with a pin dart!

The ordeal over, the hapless guy walks over to his table where his girlfriend is beaming at his feat like an indulgent mother, the waiters and bouncers are cheering that everything passed off smoothly and there was no bar fight, having forgotten to check his real age...the bday girls friends all looking disgusted at the letdown of not seeing tongues in action (they had themselves puckered up their lips anticipating the kiss), and the soul mate suddenly at a loss not knowing whether he did the right thing or not, the guinea pig boy relived that his intergity was not violated and he was safe from the clutches of the bouncers and the bday girl happy that the 30th bday had a great start!

It was a bit of fizzle that no newspapers/news channels which covered this very important event of the newly turned 30 year old... no headline which read "30 year old kisses 18 year old in a watering hole"...but what the hell, we all felt important being part of this historic event ... imagine what a story to tell the grandkids!

Well like Shakespeare said -- "All's Well that Ends Well"

Homosexuality

I want Ramadoss to be successful in his mission of legalising homosexuality in India. I am not a closet lesbian, happy about the whole thing ...nor am I a homophobic who secretly hopes that legalising it would make all homophobic breathe a sigh of relief.
I am just an observer who cannot but help notice that the vast Indian population is made up of homosexual beings. Look anywhere and you will find that I am not wrong. Men dance with each other in all kinds of religious processions (behold the frenzy, the fervour, the closeness of the anatomies), at shopping malls, at cricket matches, at work, at watering holes... you name it and I bet that you will find at least one such pair.
I haven’t had the chance to observe much about other societies hence I can’t comment on how normal this situation is, but it certainly is ironical that in a society where people of opposite sexes rarely mingle with each other, there is no sensitivity or legal sanctity for homosexuals.
Right from childhood we are groomed to stay away and fear the opposite sex; hence we grow up as misinformed prudes. It is ok for us to hold hands with our girlfriends, but if we even speak for more than fifteen minutes with a guy, everybody including the guy thinks it’s an affair! Can I also include crimes against women as fallout of this theory??
I am just hoping that Ramadoss uncle manages to legalise homosexuality so that at least we as a society stop being hypocrites. We will at least then accept our true identities. Like my friend Charu explains “We are all born homosexuals, all of us possess latent homosexual tendencies but due to societal pressures act otherwise. A same sex relationship has far better chances of surviving than a relationship between opposite sex as both the partners would understand each other much better”
Well Charu, if Ramadoss has his way, we certainly will test the validity of your theory, till then I shall continue to watch men dance with each other during the procession of drowning elephant God. Amen.

Awww, So Sweet …

Although I am not a huge fan of the Awwww moments in life, I can’t help but be a part of it sometimes… last night was one such ‘Awww’ filled experience. Anu (the love of my life) called me to chill out at her place. Since I am working for a start up these days and the office space is not yet ready, so there are 60 of us crammed in one place. What with all the noise of a newsroom and so many people around, at the end of the day I don’t want to meet any human beings after work.

But then when I was ticking off all the excuses in my book so as to avoid meeting her in a public place, Cyril (the lust of my life) came on line and I was instantly convinced to meet them at ‘Mia Cucina’.

Upon reaching there, I was given a huge bear hug by a bear of a man claiming to be Cyril, while Cyril was grinning from ear to ear at my discomfort. The papa bear turned out to be James another buddy of stud boy’s with beefy muscles and equally beefy vocal chords. I was impressed and so was Sorabh who has a thing going on with every guy that I like.

Anu was all decked up for some reason and looked quite cute and Cyril (ahhh… he looked divine in a brown shirt) and both of them looked so cute together, especially when stud boy addressed his lady love as ‘Sweetu’… that was definitely an Oscar winning ‘Awwww’ moment.

I just could not help noticing how good both my friends looked with each other and the chemistry that they shared, made me a bit jealous, made me wish I was not single, but hey this post is not about me.

The evening was great; it was hilarious, what with James pretending to be an Investment Banker, Cyril trying to be a refined gentleman and Sorabh trying to be funny as usual.

Then for some reason we went to meet a dog called Kaiser and everybody went ‘Awwww’ again…I tried to remain as far as is civilly possible but Kaiser looked at me with those lovelorn eyes and asked me why I haven’t petted him yet. So very reluctantly I petted him and repeated the codeword ‘Awww’ much to everyone’s surprise.

After fighting with each other for god knows what, we dropped beefcake James off and started chasing another car for some reason. Then I realized that the other car had some bags on the top and we were chasing it to tell them about it, good Samaritans that we were in out inebriated state. Then I totally got in the groove and kept on yelling ‘drive faster’ at stud boy who loves his car more than Anu, and after much yelling and confusion we finally caught up with the scared couple who were fleeing us. We did the last ‘Awwww’ deed of the day and headed home.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed the entire evening with the three stooges and the very beautiful Anu and I thank them for filling my life with some very memorable ‘Awww’ moments.

Is the Big O overrated?

This should be the current question plaguing the minds of Mumbaikars rather than replacing Bombay by Mumbai or who is going to win the IPL this season.

Seriously, the pressure to experience the big O is so big that one doesn’t tend to enjoy the process of reaching there. Especially when the big O doesn’t last more than 15 sec…all this fuss for 15 sec?? C’mon gimme a break now… are you serious? 15 sec?? Well if the experts say then it must be so… but I seriously can’t take too much trouble for it…there I have said it. If that makes me an outcast, so be it, I rather join the miniscule number of people who don’t think the big O matters more than the whole journey to it. I am a firm believer of the journey being more important than the destination.

And the side stories of reaching the destination can seriously give any a sitcom run for its money. There was this bloke who was so eager that his lady love reach the destination that he kept on urging her to think about her ex if that is what made her reach there faster. Needless to say that the weirdness of the situation made the poor gal palpitate making the bloke think that the trick worked. Now he keeps on repeating the magic formula when ever things get sluggish. The poor gal’s dilemma doesn’t end there. On one hand she wanted to move on in life that was exactly the reason why she was with this bloke, but the guy was not letting her get past her memories. She ended up faking it, like always, like most of us. Some might even argue that the girl needs to be expressive and articulate her needs, but have you never heard of those breeds with selective hearing...they are called men.

Is it this pressure then that makes us fake it or is it really not worth it. How does one answer this honestly if all your skills, efforts and concentration are focused on not getting caught, when all you want is, it to end, so that you can light up and say wow, that was great! Then say a small prayer hoping that you don’t get caught. This is a tried and tested formula adopted by the sisterhood all over the world, but there is a slight catch to this formula as well. What if, an encore is requested, do you claim exhaustion (but women have more stamina, it has been proved, at least in such situations) or grin and bear it.

When can we have men that understand that the whole idea of good lovemaking is in the mind and not below the belt? Then if we do have such men around us, wouldn’t it give us sleepless nights to figure out whether we like him for his romantic illusions or for his skills under the sheets. Uff, more pressure, can we not have 2 clearly different kinds so as to make our lives easier… what’s with the demarcation …why can’t we have all of the above in one person… coz such a man is a myth. We just have to deal with it. Or explore other horizons.

Being Charu

I dont know how being Charu feels like... but from a 2nd person perspective, it looks like fun. Yes trust me, I know her since the last 2 years only but it feels like I have known her for eons. This is the same person who can be extremely rude and bitchy if you are not on her side or team and extremely caring and fun if you are.
Let me take you through the exciting world of Charu from an insiders point of view... she gets up in the morning and heads to the gym class where she learns horrendous aerobic steps, which she diligently shows off to unsuspecting fans like me. Then she has her breakfast around midday and heads off for coffee by the sea. Once, seated in the nice corner of the coffeeeshop she places her order after religious deciding to not repeat yesterdays order. But being the eternal embodiment of confusion and greed, she ends up ordering the same coffee and thoroughly confusing the poor waiter who is happy to run away. Once coffee n catching up on recent gossip is done, she heads home to watch TV or trouble her son Abeer. If Abeer's exams are on, then heaven forbid--- she insists on teaching the poor kid, who is already exhausted from various tutorials. And wonders of wonders...she chooses to teach him Chemistry having never studied the same. She keeps on quizzing her kid and doesnt even know if the answers are correct or not.
Satisfied on having done her bit in the education sector, she moves on to the food problems of the world (read- her stomach). Having gorged on some tidbit she decides that she will skip lunch. In the evening, some hapless fan like me drops by and is forced to sip some wine or subjected to some amazing cocktails (entirely her connotation). All the while sharing some interesting tidbits. Then she insists on having dinner early as she wants to hit the bed early.
Thats a day in her life, very idyllic ...but what makes her an interesting person is her madness... her forget fullness... she starts a conversation in her mind and continues midway in actual sound... so the person gets even more befuddled and when tries and gets some semblance of clarity... she is already traipsing on another completely disjoined topic.
How can one describe or define what Charu is?? I tried to but I guess I didnt capture even half of her essence. She is a wonderful person, a friend, an elder sister, a mom, a punching bag, a clown, a wonderfull cook and a great (ahem!) dancer....a supportive spouse (for Pankaj) and a crazy mom (for Abeer).... I will miss her when she moves to Bangkok... I wish she didnt have to... although it opens up my window to Bangkok... I have already managed to wriggle a vacation at her place ther... but I will miss landing up unannounced at her place and staying with her post dinner, drowning drinks with her, exchanging theories ranging from world peace to bollywood with her, badgering her with my PJ's and expanding my millitant fundas at her socialist attitude... I have grown so used to her that I shudder at the thought of a life without Charu and wish Pankaj didnt have to get transferred to Bangkok.