A new parenting technique which may evolve to a new career option!

Gone are the days of “mera beta engineer ya doctor bannega”. Now all that hyperventilating dads and shrieky moms want, is a child who can throw a tantrum and refuse to sallow a morsel for 3-4 hours even at the cost of turning blue in the face.
Most of the old timers are aghast at this new parenting technique and these new age parents who are fighting the Sharmaji and Guptaji’s in a race to clock the most their child is deprived of food are secretly plotting their climb to fame.
When contacted by eager journos, Gulabo Devi, a resident of Haryana said that she was forced to starve her son due to the acute poverty they faced but being the people of the soil; his son battled it out against malnourishment and hopefully against corruption someday. She seemed apologetic that she chooses her husband over her son. Between silent sobs, she concludes that “kya karen tau, aurat ki zindagi ek sangharsh howe”. Her son has now grown to be a successful ‘Professional Hunger Striker’ and is currently eyeing a piece of the political pie.
Moving from the hinterland to the mainland of corruption though is another story where choices of starvation are self inflicted along with choices of bulimia and anorexia. Mrs Anchal (it is fashionable to drop the surname these days) claims that it was a tough task for her to hide all the snacks and tidbits especially the cereal boxes from her tiny tot. “He has the nose of a blood hound, he can smell food from a mile away!” exclaimed Mrs Anchal while describing the tough times she had to undergo while training her son Ram to stay away from food. She describes that if she wouldn’t have been tough then, her teenaged son would not have made a successful career of a professional ‘Hunger Striker’ that is so in vogue these days.
Currently Ram is part of an NGO (ashram as it is lovingly called by all and sundry) which flash mobs issues plaguing 23% of the population. Ritambhara another young Hunger striker rising slowly through the ranks and confident of making it big in the main leagues says that being a woman it was doubly difficult for her to fast for long stretches and not shop to fulfill the hunger pangs. One of the professional hazards of being a hunger striker is to lie still among thousands of people in an open maidan.
Ashutosh another eager journo asks peevishly, if the fire in belly prompts the firey speeches that also have become a hallmark of a seasoned hunger striker? His question is rudely ignored and Ashu is reduced to posting status messages on his FB describing the under the table diet that these hunger strikers consume. His next assignment would be a sting on the same.
However, the only thing worrying Ritambhara, Teenaged Ram and parents pushing their kids to this new career option is the diminishing causes that drive able bodied men with a glint of political power in their eyes to the arena of public fasting.
Meanwhile Sudhakar Jagdish a journalist with Indian Express has posted a new nursery rhyme for kids who want to take up this vocation later in their life.
Baba Baba Black Sheep, Have you any cash?
Yes Sir Yes Sir Three bags full.
One for my ashram,
one for the phoren cruise,
and one for my political career which needs some push!

Lady of Justice demands a New Sword, says it’s rusted like all Verdicts

Mumbai, 26th Nov 2010

In an interview statement, the lady of justice most commonly referred to as Insaaf ki Devi (not to be confused with Rakhi Sawant and her brand of potent insaaf), has demanded a New Sword before she can deliver more verdicts. Citing the accumulated rust on the sword as the chief reason for the delay in justice, she also claims that while the sword is being procured, we might as well get her a new pair of scales and a blindfold.

Explaining the significance of the scales, blindfold and the sword to a hyper television journalist, the lady of justice lost her cool and almost raised the sword at the hyper journalist.

Ram Mohan, who had been following up on the lady of justice’s demands for the last month or half was shocked when the lady raised the selfsame sword at him. “I was just asking how the rusted sword and verdict were co-related when she threatened me” wailed Ram Mohan, clutching his pounding heart.

Later, to clarify that she did not take the law in her own hands, the lady of justice explained the rationale behind her out of character actions in an exclusive interview, “The nerve of that journalist to ask me the co-relation between my sword and verdict?? Next he will be asking the significance of the blindfold. I did what I did to protect my integrity. If he doesn’t know the reason of such simple things that we are taught in schools, he shouldn’t be a journalist at all. Everyone knows that the blindfold is to be impartial while delivering the verdict. The scales are to weigh all the evidence thoroughly and the sword means decisiveness. Court proceedings should not take months or years.”

Explaining how the rusted sword was being a hindrance to justice, she appealed to the Instant Insaaf team to buy her a new sword as she was tired of hearing justice denied is justice delayed slogans every time some group or the other woke up.

Lamenting that the cost of a new sword just is much lower that the cost of maintain lengthy records over so many years, the lady of justice suggested that if she was given a brand new sword every year, she would be able to dispense justice much quickly and prevent repeated appeals to higher courts as a delay tactic used by many to avoid prison or death penalty.

In other unrelated news, Ajmal Kasab has asked for a brand new shirt saying that he deserves one on the anniversary of his career high.