So you think you can dance??

Why do humans dance?? This is one question which has been bothering me every time I make the mistake of watching any dance reality show or bollywood cinema or any just any party?? What is with un-coordinated hand-hip-foot-head-arm movements that turn all of us into jumping jacks?

Can’t you express your emotions some other way…how does resembling an itchy monkey make you heard? Isn’t that exactly why speech, language was developed? If you are trying to communicate with a varied bunch of equally retarded people who would prefer head-banging as a sign of “I’ve got something to discuss” or “we’ve got to talk” then please go ahead… shake that big head of your as well as your booty…see if I give a nod!

I can’t get over the myriad dancing competition that plagues our nation…be it celebs dancing or little kids masquerading as item girls or just about anybody who has an arm and a leg to shake. Its as if the collective agenda of this nation is not to eradicate poverty, corruption but to start dancing…its as if some pied piper has jammed our airways with some ultrasonic frequency perceived only by twinkle toes…unfortunately everybody seems to have their dancing shoes on … permanently.

We don’t need batti band or set kasab free campaigns, we need ‘stop dancing’ campaigns …where every body that stops shaking their booty gets an honorary membership with the central nervous system board or some shit like that.

And while we are at it, lets ban all forms of dancing …especially on festive occasions… am I being anti-social?? Have you seen people dancing during a baarat …why the hell are they dancing anyways??

If it’s a form of expression…then why isn’t it spontaneous…why does dancing have to come with its trappings of dressing up, getting drunk, getting psychedelic lights on and absolutely no space to move?? How can hundreds of humans want to express their emotions at the same time in a similar fashion?? What are they saying?? Why do people have to coordinate their moves ….why do they have to be in sync?? Didn’t we want our own individuality… are we giving that up by syncing ourselves with somebody else’s expression??

I don’t mind watching or indulging in dancing when I have something to say…how on earth can you even hear yourself think when the speakers are blasting right next to your eardrums exactly at the same time when somebody has poked their elbows in your ribs for the 7th time??

So if you really think that you should dance… please do think again!

Lady of Justice demands a New Sword, says it’s rusted like all Verdicts

Mumbai, 26th Nov 2010

In an interview statement, the lady of justice most commonly referred to as Insaaf ki Devi (not to be confused with Rakhi Sawant and her brand of potent insaaf), has demanded a New Sword before she can deliver more verdicts. Citing the accumulated rust on the sword as the chief reason for the delay in justice, she also claims that while the sword is being procured, we might as well get her a new pair of scales and a blindfold.

Explaining the significance of the scales, blindfold and the sword to a hyper television journalist, the lady of justice lost her cool and almost raised the sword at the hyper journalist.

Ram Mohan, who had been following up on the lady of justice’s demands for the last month or half was shocked when the lady raised the selfsame sword at him. “I was just asking how the rusted sword and verdict were co-related when she threatened me” wailed Ram Mohan, clutching his pounding heart.

Later, to clarify that she did not take the law in her own hands, the lady of justice explained the rationale behind her out of character actions in an exclusive interview, “The nerve of that journalist to ask me the co-relation between my sword and verdict?? Next he will be asking the significance of the blindfold. I did what I did to protect my integrity. If he doesn’t know the reason of such simple things that we are taught in schools, he shouldn’t be a journalist at all. Everyone knows that the blindfold is to be impartial while delivering the verdict. The scales are to weigh all the evidence thoroughly and the sword means decisiveness. Court proceedings should not take months or years.”

Explaining how the rusted sword was being a hindrance to justice, she appealed to the Instant Insaaf team to buy her a new sword as she was tired of hearing justice denied is justice delayed slogans every time some group or the other woke up.

Lamenting that the cost of a new sword just is much lower that the cost of maintain lengthy records over so many years, the lady of justice suggested that if she was given a brand new sword every year, she would be able to dispense justice much quickly and prevent repeated appeals to higher courts as a delay tactic used by many to avoid prison or death penalty.

In other unrelated news, Ajmal Kasab has asked for a brand new shirt saying that he deserves one on the anniversary of his career high.