Ode to Cat

I offended a friend’s Puddy Tat (Thanks to American slang, I can never say the word pussy cat without seeing a series of leering men being hyperactive in hyperlapse) and now I have to write 25 words praising said cat.

How can one offend a cat whose very nature is to be disdainful of everything?  Some might argue that they are cute and that the internet is flooded with adorable little kitties trying to do the most adorable thing of rolling on the couch or worse, purring.

These feline creatures have made giants out of a UGC platform called youtube. Misters Hurley, Chen & Karim should change its name to cattube or kittytube or err… pussytube. Great business idea that.

My rolling eye syndrome with a cat lover has dated back to those wonder years when PDA was frowned upon. And it’s not limited to only the feline species; it does extend to canines and Homo sapiens also. I just cannot wrap my head around the fact that if you love something/someone, why do you have to expect everyone else to adore it also? Are we looking at a majority vote to express ourselves?

And have you ever noticed a cat walk by? There is enough space to fill in the ever diminishing Gandhi family but the cat will leave the wide pathway and take a circuitous road to rub against your leg, as you sit sipping your coffee and thinking about how not to offend a cat these days. And then pretend that your leg was in its way! And what is with jumping at a laser light. How dumb can one be? It’s a ray of light, if you can catch it, you will be a GOD. And you ain’t, so stop making a fool of yourself.  And those constant lickings, ugh, get into the shower and stop leaving your saliva all over my things. Even if I wanted to pick you up, I would have to sanitize myself with industrial level substance.

And will you please stop eyeing my food….fish to be precise. I love my fish and I do not want to share it with anyone. So stop eyeing my food and go do something productive like forage for your own food instead of stealing mine.

Your quirkiness negates your basic hedonistic bias for a rhythmic stroking of your fur, to express affection. And pray, why should anyone do that when a fraction of that gesture results in much tail wagging and overall subservience from your much esteemed canine counterpart?

But being human (oh Sallu!) I shall make the bigger gesture and let you coexist in this world and pray that our paths never cross…for both our mutual benefits.

There is a cat somewhere saying “nooeow… lick lick lick… youeow… lick lick lick …wonteow”!