Woman Boss

I was watching TV and came across this show called "Na aana iss desh mein Lado"... I don't know much about the storyline but I do know that its about the atrocities on the girl child. But what stuck me most as I surfed through the channel was that the main protagonist was a woman who was shown to be tough and had everyone at her beck and call... My question is how did she reach that position?? Why do people listen to her?? Why does she have so much power??

Then I realized that she was portrayed as this evil, heartless person... that's why she had the power... In popular media a Woman Boss is always portrayed as a heartless bitch (The Devil Wears Prada) and or a great soul who can never do any wrong (Mother India, Jassi Jaise Koi Nahin, Nirupa Roy as the eternal mother)...there are hardly any shades of grey for a woman...

Why So?

Why is it that to have power, people have to become hard-hearted, why cant normal people have any power? Is it bcoz to reach that level, one has to let go off emotions, be detached, be ruthless... have to play the game by its rules...as no new rules are allowed? Don' they ever let their hair down, make mistakes?

Why is it so tough for people to accept that a woman can be friendly, patient, demanding, understanding, supportive, tough, aggressive, no nonsense, flirty, charming, bitchy at the same time...all the qualities of a good boss.

Why is that when we see a woman who has reached the top- we have only 2 expressions..."Wow, she is hot...must have done the boss and all the people on the board" or "She is a bitch". As a woman who is single and is a boss... it is even worse... character assassination apart, she has to fend off unwarranted stares, jibes, and passes.

As a woman who has had led a team, I have had my share of insubordination, I had to work doubly hard and prove myself over and again to each new member to win their support, I've had to use foul language, guzzle copious amount of alcohol, work more than 14 hrs to be one of the boys and only then was I accepted as a boss. But everyone waited with bated breath for that one mistake to pounce on me so that they could say "I told you so, all fluff...no results"

Sometimes, they did get their chance.

Terrific Thirties

I know it... my thirties will be terrific... As only few hours are left for me to be pushed into the whirlwind of responsibilities... I somehow feel liberated... free and eager...

All things that could have gone wrong with me has gone wrong... but that has not bothered me yet...I see it as a new beginning.

I have resigned from my current job with no offer in hand, I have a family to support, I don't have enough savings, I don't have a place to call my own, I don't have a name which is worth reckoning yet, I do not have a godfather... yet I anticipate that my thirties will be terrific... a far cry from my troublesome twenties...

But was my twenties troublesome?? I had the most amazing time working, studying, travelling, heart break, responsibilities ... it was quite a learning experience... I don't regret it ...infact I had so many new experiences in my twenties that I don't think the thirties will be able to beat that... there were so many firsts...

The moving out from parents, the first kiss ever (ok ok...so I was not exactly twenty...but I was closer to it ...felt as if I was in my twenties rather than in my teens), my first proper job not an odd job (I started earning in my teens), my first joint, first time drinking alone, first relationship, first trip alone, first huge fight to assert my independence, first time realization that I am all alone, first time elation in realising that I am all alone, first time booked for drunken driving, first time tattoo... wow that's some list that I am not ashamed off...

My plan for the thirties??? No plan... just live life ... listen to self...

Well, now that I have some idea what I want in life, I am excited... besides in my mind I was already 35, so the whole idea of entering the thirties doesn't scare me... or bother me...

I know that my thirties are going to be even wilder and unpredictable than my twenties... even though bills have to be paid, responsibilities have to be fulfilled, dreams have to be realized... I am upto it...

Bring it on... I am ready!

Commitment

I did what everybody dreams of ...I quit on Monday... I really had no big reason to quit... but little small reasons... but all these are irrelevant...

During my chat with my Boss, where he asked me the reason for quitting... and we had a long discussion (oh how painful it was... It was similar to a break up with a boyfriend... I could almost predict his responses and the next questions) and we parted ways amicably... but the one phrase that stayed back with from the entire 2 hour conversation is that... " You are not Committed".... I wasn't expecting this... I was expecting something like "you are too arrogant" or "you are not a good leader", or "you cannot take criticism" or "you are not professional", etc ... but where on earth did this commitment thingy come from....

I seriously didnt get what he meant?? I still don't... never got it when my ex-BF had accused me of the same crime... I actually don't understand the meaning of the word commitment...people use it in sentences, and while judging someone .... but what does it mean???

Webster Dictionary Says ---
commitment
One entry found.
Main Entry:
com·mit·ment
Pronunciation:
\kə-ˈmit-mənt\
Function:
noun
1 a: an act of committing to a charge or trust: as (1): a consignment to a penal or mental institution (2): an act of referring a matter to a legislative committee b: mittimus2 a: an agreement or pledge to do something in the future ; especially : an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date b: something pledged c: the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled

Since, point (2) a: is not applicable to me... I would like to analyse the rest of the points vis a vis my boss's & exBF's statements....

I. EX BF -- "why can't you commit to me??"

ME -- what do you mean?? I like you, I want to be with you ... is that not enough...what the hell do you mean by commitment... do I need to sign on some dotted line??

Analysis - Lets refer to point 1 a: an act of committing to a charge or trust: as (1): a consignment to a penal or mental institution.

Well, committing to my BF as far as I had tried to understand was to be loyal to him physically while I could go and have an orgy with 20 men in my mind...I was free to ogle as long as I did it discreetly, I was free to lust as long as I didnt lunge at the object of lust. It was not ok that I wanted to play it by the ear in the future vis a vis our relationship, coz I didnt know what the future held but was willing to go through it with an open mind, but that was not acceptable to him. What however was acceptable to him was that I promise now and later go back in my words... aka the great Indian politician...

According to the dictionary, we are supposed to act accordingly to the trust bestowed upon us... hmmm, if there is trust then why this whole commitment word... in this shrinking world, doesn't saving even one word or phrase mean anything?? Needless to say I almost paid a visit to a mental institution.

Coming Back to my Boss's statement...

Boss: - You lack committment

Me: - (with my now famous dumb expression, thinking in my head... this commitment business will never leave me) I didnt get it.

Analysis: Did he mean, continuing to see through a change of philosophy at the drop of a hat without any protest. Isnt the word commitment applicable when the same conditions are applicable... for eg - if I had a piece of chocolate that I was asked to preserve and I had to commit my entire life in trying to preserve it and if I couldn't take care of the chocolate even after investing in a refrigerator to keep it at an optimum temperature...bcoz power cuts played havoc, or bcoz there is a shelf life even to the humble chocolate and it became bad because it was meant to me...would that make me not committed....

When asking somebody to be committed, do we ensure that the rest of the physical, emotional, spiritual temperament remains the same??

I think that the word commitment came into use, when wise men started looking for a scapegoat to wash their hands off. Since, things change, situations change and priorities change, even commitments cease, that doesn't lessen anyones integrity. People decompose after death, even the healthy ones, doesnt mean that they did not take care of their health... all good things come to an end and so does commitment.

Electrika!

Last night as I was juggling calls between my special someone, the accidental intellectual stimulus and the painful adventurous ink... I had the most amazing conversation with all... One touched the forgotten kid, the lost innocence, the childish demands, the flirtatious woman in me and the other the rational, the individual, the spiritual, the vindicted while I was left nursing the pain, the agony, the self doubt all by myself... was I really alive, was I really alone, was I really with someone... Is my cross my own to carry... will there be no one? Do I need someone to show the torch, do I want someone to share my cross?

Unlike earlier times, when these kind of conversations would agitate me to a state similar to electrons revolving around the nucleus when put under extreme conditions of temperature and pressure... this time I was calm... I knew the responses in advance, I almost waited with bated breath to hear the next sentence... to compare mentally if this was what I was expecting to hear... I was not dissapointed.

Its a pity that I cannot reproduce the entire discussion... but the heady feeling of having it all... was not lost on me. I thanked my 'lucky' stars for being in such a situation ... wittingly or unwittingly, it was great fun.