Wanted Convent educated tall, fair, slim, homely Girl.

Wanted Convent educated tall, fair, slim, homely Girl.

Every time somebody starts the topic of marriage I can’t help but remember the above headline in the matrimonial columns in every newspaper.

I dread the day when I will be reduced to such a headline…the possibilities are enormous and I say a small prayer every morning when I read the classifieds and don’t see my name or description featured in it.

It’s become a daily battle now to avoid the topic of marriage. Invariable someone or the other brings up the topic and everybody deems me the unfortunate victim, someone who has been passed on and will never know the pleasure of married life. In the same sentence they will crib about their own spouse or married life, but hey that’s another topic, they say.

From relatives and friends with whom I have not spoken to over a decade, all have the same concern or wish… to see me married. So that they can all say in chorus “Another one bites the dust”. It’s as if all the married people in the world are raging a silent war against the single population and they will not rest unless we join the fraternity, unless we pledge alliance to the secret society of unrealized expectations and everlasting nagging.

Why cant they leave me alone, I am big enough to decide whether to tie the knot or not. My Mom has a rejoinder to this “you will always be a kid for us”. I have a counter argument for this “then let me be a kid, why are you trying to get me married, it will amount to child marriage and the laws are against this”. But it doesn’t work with her.

Now my friends have taken a different approach. One wants me to jot down the qualities that I need in my man so that she can go about looking for one. I understand that in the globalized country of ours, it’s easy to find everything under one roof (read shopping mall), but isn’t this taking it too far. But she insists on the list, blissfully enjoying her newly wed status.

Well, Mousumi, I have never refused you…so here is the list.

1. Wit
2. Looks
3. Money
4. Career
5. Body (6 packs are a must…if SRK has it, I want it)
6. Guy should own orange pajamas (kinky pleasureJ)
7. Have a political opinion (if it matches mine, that’s great…but even if it doesn’t-no problem, but should have one… most people I meet don’t have any political opinion of their own, they echo what their peers or family says)
8. Read books…fiction (so that I can borrow and gift him some…it’s the best gift idea!)
9. Watch movies with the same passion as me (here the tastes have to match mine…can’t be with somebody who didn’t think No Smoking was not a great movie.)
10. Enjoy animated stuff with as much passion as me especially Shrek series.
11. Is a foodie, someone who lives to eat and is adventurous with food, since I also need a guinea pig for my cooking experiments
12. Has a passion for travel…andamans, north east, backwaters, ladakh, rajasthan, macchu pichhu, etc
13. Has the time and money to go on such trips with me
14. Should be in love with both the sea and the mountains
15. Should not like Madhuri, Aishwariya and Kareena (cant stand them)
16. Should have a flair for making inane conversations complete with sound effect and animated actions
17. Should understand my jokes
18. Should have Carpe Diem as his philosophy or at least understand the same.
19. Should not be protective or possessive about me
20. Should not talk to me for more than 2 hours in a day
21. Should not be messy
22. Should not throw things on the road
23. Should not encourage beggars
24. Should not avoid embarrassing friends after getting drunk
25. Should not be sober all the time
26. Should not be a drunk all the time
27. Should have tried on various things at least once in life like bhang, grass, etc.
28. Should actually enjoy good alcohol and not be a social drinker only
29. Should have pet peeves
30. Should be independent
31. Should not be mama’s boy
32. Should have loads of friends and actually enjoy being with them
33. Should have at least one major relationship (takes the pressure off me)
34. Should know how to jive (so that I can also shake a leg)
35. Should be active (one lazybones is enough, read me)
36. Should be practical
37. Should be impractical
38. Should be romantic without being mushy
39. Should be metrosexual (getting regular manicure, pedicure and facials is not a bad thing but not more than me)
40. Should love my friends (all of them without exception, even the weird ones)
41. Should give a patient hearing to my all my ideas however weird they may be.
42. Should be willing to be part of my hare brained enterprises
43. Should manage to surprise me
44. Should manage to scare me (few people can do this… this will be a sure fire way to get my attention)
45. Should be willing to yell at me once in a while (again very few people can yell at me)
46. Should be able to be a bigger nautanki than me
47. Should be able to spend time with me without talking
48. Should be able to understand my moods
49. Should be able to understand how much he means to me without me ever saying it
50. Should be a mix of Chandler and Joey (from Friends), Pierce Brosnan (Remington Steele) and Johnny Depp (Chocolat)

There, are you happy now, I have listed down some of the most important points… will keep on adding on to it but I honestly don’t believe that you can go shopping with this list.