The Social Experiment

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What happens when you put a bunch of men together with some alcohol? They talk shop, they discuss cars, and they flash their business cards around. They go back home feeling the other is better off and that they need to up their game.

What happens when you put a bunch of women together with some alcohol? They chatter on food, they connect on similar life events and they check out each other. Then they go back home feeling the other is better off and that they need to up their game.

Now what if you put this same bunch of Men & Women together with some alcohol, throw in a bit of bowling or dancing or sailing?

You would imagine that this would be a whole new kind of environment with lots of exciting, fun, intense conversation. There would be some sort of electric atmosphere where these men & women would rise above the mundane & put their best foot forward. That everyone goes back home confident in the knowledge that there is someone who has had a similar experience or anecdote to narrate.

You can’t be further from the truth.

When you have a bunch of well-educated, financially independent and well-traveled, smartly attired, coiffed, pedicured, manicured and well-heeled group of people the nucleus doesn’t remain at a stationary point. It goes through a rapid fission & breaks up the group into many small ones. Most of the groups resemble either of the two main groups. The first group is the one which talks shop, discusses cars & flashes their business cards around while the other group chatter on food, connect on life events & check each other out.

Why does this happen? Is it that the former group is too into themselves or that the later too intimidating? Is it because there is a no connect, no common point between these two groups? What will happen if you introduce a nucleus into the smaller groups? Will the protons & electrons get drawn to the nucleus? Will the protons & electrons cross each other’s path in this process?

Well, that is for part 2 of the experiment. Watch for this space!

Excuses People Make

You have seen ‘Shit people Say’ and it’s many variations on youtube. You also know that this shit people say is actually shit. But here is some shit that you hear everyday.

I will be late today, water problems

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Stuck in traffic jam, be there in 10

Oh that report, I must have missed it

What mail? I didn’t get any mail

I had done the PPT, somebody deleted it

Sorry can’t make it, have other plans

I am really tired, can't make it

Oh that’s a nice scarf

Give me 2 minutes and I’ll send that mail

I’ll take a quick break and be back
I have an early morning flight 

Oh I saw your sms now

I really want to be with you

We know each other for donkey's years
I loved you in that movie/show/society dance competition

Like

What they really mean?

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I will be late today, water problems – I just got up

Stuck in traffic jam, be there in 10 – I just got up

Oh that report, I must have missed it – I was facebooking

What mail? I didn’t get any mail – I was facebooking

I had done the PPT, somebody deleted it – I don’t know what PPT this is

I am really tired, can't make it – I rather meet my boyfriend

Oh that’s a nice scarf – I don’t have to mention the hideous shirt

Give me 2 minutes and I’ll send that mail – What mail, what mail?

I’ll take a quick break and be back – wait for me
I have an early morning flight - my morning starts at 11 am

Oh I saw your sms now – I was facebooking

I really want to be with you – but only on SMS

We know each other for donkey's years - can't remember your name
I loved you in that movie/show/society dance competition – I haven’t seen it actually

Like – can’t ignore this

My reaction to this shit? Rolling eyes, angry expression, fuming flaring nostrils? Ah, never mind. 

Voices In My Head

I like people. Sometimes. Other times, I really do not care. But I care about voicing my thoughts about them. Call me judgmental. I don’t care.

I don’t really voice my thoughts to them verbally, I try to express through my blank expression. That must say a million things to them.

Dalhi dude with dole shole, tight V-necked T-shirt - "Nice cleavage" 

Uncleji who just won’t stop talking to his family back in gujjuland – “kem cho?”

The guy who insists on walking at the same pace as me – “I got pepper spray!”

The corporate dude – “At least changes your shoes, don’t want to damage your Oliver Sweeney’s do you?”

The corporate dudette – “Talking work on your phone wont burn the fat”

To the group of Auntyjis walking in a single file – “There are benches, really, you can sit & chat”

To the bunch of college kids – “Keep. To. The. Left”

Couple making out – “    “

MNS guy – “malla marathi maithnahi” (I know he is MNS guy, as he keeps on referring to some Mansa Meeting on the phone”

Page 3 Auntyji in tight track pants & t-shit stretched over extra special love handles – ‘oops, camel feet!”

The grandpa who runs – “how do you do it?”

Obese teen 1– “My grandma walks faster than you”

Obese teen 2 – “you are never going to lose any fat just by doing half a round”

Dad with Kid running amok – “control your kid, I almost tripped over it”

Dude with loud music - 'Can you really hear it when your heart rate is 170 and the blood is pumping in your ears"

Animal lover feeding strays – ‘get some friends’

The stray – ‘bite him, please’

The showoff on the fire poi – ‘ever heard of Entertainment Ke Liye Kuch Bhi Karega?”

The color-coordinated earring, head band, wrist band & hot shots struggling actor – ‘yeah, casting happens on the jogging track!”

The health freak with the bottle of Gatorade – ‘Uff, too much!”

Guy expat with girl expat – “recession, huh?”

Kid on skates – ‘Wonder if I can still do that”

Hot girl jiggling away on the jogging track – “Wear a dark colored t-shirt. And a sports bra”

Maybe I should just whisper these to them. Or write a chit and throw it at them while passing by. Maybe I should change my timing or route. Or just tune out these voices in my head and focus.