Daily experiences faced by an Indian in India

We have read and agreed to both versions of Jane Von Rabenau (loves India) and Michaela Cross (traumatized by India). We have discussed the incidents described by both till death, defending experiences and incidents.

While Jane takes a very logical approach of not generalizing situations and incidents, Michaela does have a very personal view of things that happened to her.

But are their experiences unique only to their white skin?

Being an Indian in India is not without its pitfalls. Yes, groping in busy places happen. Yes, men do stare, uncomfortably. Yes, rapes are increasing. Yes, people are warm and open when you travel away from busy metros. Yes, Indian weddings are fun events. What do you do in such situations? You ignore most cases, and show your outrage in others. One cannot generalize, one doesn’t have a right answer, nor does one take sides.

But being brown skinned in a country obsessed with white skinned people sees me waiting for more than 20 minutes everyday for a cab. I stay in an area where a fair amount of expats have also made their home. And every cab or auto wala chooses them over me. This happens everyday.

If a ‘Gora’ presents an idea at work, it has to be way superior to what a brown skinned brain can conjure up. If a meeting is scheduled for international partners of the seriously cutthroat corporate job you have, then you have to be in time and have to dress sharp. If it’s just a meeting with regular Indian working class then the meeting get re-scheduled, sometimes cancelled.

Being brown skinned in a bustling metropolis like Mumbai means that if you want better service at top notch restaurants, arrive with a white skinned phoren and tables magically appear.

If you haven’t partied with atleast 1 foreigner then you have a lot of catching up on the way to becoming cool.

Comfortable clothes that you like are made for sizes suitable to a western body, desi food is customized to a western palate, and queues are magically cut for the poor foreigner. While this does show the hospitability of us Indians, it also adds that 2% more competition on to the plate. Didn’t I elbow out competing classmates, colleagues, cabbies to be there first, should I have to try again coz the best spot has now been offered to a ‘guest’?

Jane Von Rabenau   

http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/india-and-a-blonde-tourist-an-alternate-account/1/305095.html

Michaela Cross

http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-1023053

That Girl

Labels. Everyone loves them. It’s like giving a giant label maker to a child who goes around stamping everything. Why?

image courtesy - google

We as Indians generalize everything and quickly jump to conclusions and toss the subject aside and move on to more labeling. Maybe the British, Germans, Americans and every goddamn civilization also do this. I wouldn't know, I am Indian. We do it and don’t give it a second thought.

I want to be ‘That Girl’ who has all the labels…yeah, that should be the aim of my life…collect all kinds of labels. Then I can compare them with the others.

Why is it difficult to have an amalgamation of habits, opinions, ideas, perspective in one person? Why should a person be this Hollywood and Bollywood? Why can’t I equally hate both Congress and BJP? Why can’t I lust at Brad Pitt and John Abraham at the same time? Why shouldn't I be a woman and man at work and relationships?

way or that? Why cant one like sweet and sour, rum and whisky (beer should always be out), hot and cold, FB and twitter,

We get so lost in conforming and non-confirming that we tend to lose ourselves. I am a workaholic so I cannot spend my Sundays without checking my mail. Or I am young so have to party. I internalize too much. I am an extrovert. I am too shy. I am like that only. We keep on saying these things and slowly start accepting them as the truth and without knowing we have only added one more label to ourselves.

Have I just labeled myself? Oh I am ‘that label girl’, right. 

Silence

What do you make of scenes where somebody screams 'silence' and there is a background track playing to ‘highlight’ silence? At the same time, that scene from Babel where Rinko Kikuchi enters a club and the music drops but the energy is still maintained is one of those brilliant scenes that remain forever in my mind.

Can we ever be really silent? Is the tiger absolutely silent while stalking his prey…does our own heartbeat become noise that shatters this silence. Is nature ever really silent?

Even today, sometimes I hold my breath to listen to the sounds around me, to experience complete silence and never really find that… it’s not noise but it’s not really silent.

Recently on a trip to a tiger safari, the guide asked us to be silent so that the tiger can step out of the tall grass and give us a glimpse… while talking ceased, people continued to shuffle, scratch cough and sniff. Why? Is it because we are so uncomfortable on our own that we have to make some signs of sound to prove that we are alive…are we so dead inside that we cant hear the crackle of the leaves, the buzz of the wind or the heartbeat of excitement happening within our own bosom?

A little known anecdote on American composer John Cage's 4 min 33 sec experiment is that when he was testing it out in Harvard, there was a slight hum that was heard despite it being a sound proof room. Investigating it further, he found that it was the hum of nervous system, heartbeat over which we do not have any control. Watch his experiment here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zY7UK-6aaNA

#bench #ratlamstation #earlymorning #traintravel #instagram #silence

Being a student of communication and a chatterbox I understand the need to talk, to express, to communicate….but isn’t ‘listening’ the hallmark of a good communicator (not the mobile phone dummy). Why are we so afraid of our own selves? Why do we have to indulge in small talk? Why are there awkward silences?

In school we had a sports/PT teacher who demonstrated the meaning of pin drop silence by dropping a pin and making us listen for the drop sound. Till then we used to whisper while having ‘finger on the lips’ silence.

As I type this post out, apart from the tap of my fingers on the keyboard, I can hear the following

1. Whizz of an autorickshaw as it goes by in the lane outside
2. Whirring of the fan
3. Tapping of the foot (it’s a quirky habit I have when I am writing or excited)
4. Somebody watering the plants outside (Cant see the person, guess its the weekend gardener)
5. Drip of water from the kadai that I soaked for my Sunday cleaning
6. Tapping of the Pipili lampshade wire against the set top box as it sways in the breeze

Next Post – Why I don’t consciously listen to ‘Music’

Social Experiments - Inhibitions

What is so special about superhero movies? Isn’t it about some guy who wears his chaddies on top of his tights! As much as we would like to spoof them, the reason these superhero movies do well is not just special effects and fancy gadgets, it is the underlying fact that the underdog sheds his inhibitions and goes on to save the world, become popular and get a little romance along the way.

Don’t we wish there was a magic wand or a spider or some kryptonite that could make us say, behave, do all the things that we wanted to and without any fear of being ridiculed or judgment?

When one has to describe self in 3 words, one is always inhibited and says the politically correct words like kind, generous, compassionate. The more adventurous go the self depreciating way and throw in a lazy or experimental. But would you like to come out and say what you are to a bunch of strangers? Don’t you want to impress everybody here and say things which are accepted worldwide in beauty pageants…like kind, generous and compassionate? 

Image Courtesy: Deviantart

Why is having a mask on and not sharing your real feelings to random people seen in a bad light?

But then don’t some of us put on a mask just to fit in, be polite, accepted so that we do not stick out like a sore thumb amongst a bunch of conformists.

Sometimes one has to be a bit inhibited to maintain the balance between outrage and comfortable. Most other times one tends to be inhibited for fear of revealing too much. It is for security, it is for acceptance, it is to blend in.

Isn’t that why Jim Carrey in ‘The Mask’ leave a mark? Then why does the world worship the superhero? 

The Social Experiment

Image Courtesy: Google

What happens when you put a bunch of men together with some alcohol? They talk shop, they discuss cars, and they flash their business cards around. They go back home feeling the other is better off and that they need to up their game.

What happens when you put a bunch of women together with some alcohol? They chatter on food, they connect on similar life events and they check out each other. Then they go back home feeling the other is better off and that they need to up their game.

Now what if you put this same bunch of Men & Women together with some alcohol, throw in a bit of bowling or dancing or sailing?

You would imagine that this would be a whole new kind of environment with lots of exciting, fun, intense conversation. There would be some sort of electric atmosphere where these men & women would rise above the mundane & put their best foot forward. That everyone goes back home confident in the knowledge that there is someone who has had a similar experience or anecdote to narrate.

You can’t be further from the truth.

When you have a bunch of well-educated, financially independent and well-traveled, smartly attired, coiffed, pedicured, manicured and well-heeled group of people the nucleus doesn’t remain at a stationary point. It goes through a rapid fission & breaks up the group into many small ones. Most of the groups resemble either of the two main groups. The first group is the one which talks shop, discusses cars & flashes their business cards around while the other group chatter on food, connect on life events & check each other out.

Why does this happen? Is it that the former group is too into themselves or that the later too intimidating? Is it because there is a no connect, no common point between these two groups? What will happen if you introduce a nucleus into the smaller groups? Will the protons & electrons get drawn to the nucleus? Will the protons & electrons cross each other’s path in this process?

Well, that is for part 2 of the experiment. Watch for this space!

Excuses People Make

You have seen ‘Shit people Say’ and it’s many variations on youtube. You also know that this shit people say is actually shit. But here is some shit that you hear everyday.

I will be late today, water problems

Image Courtesy: Google

Stuck in traffic jam, be there in 10

Oh that report, I must have missed it

What mail? I didn’t get any mail

I had done the PPT, somebody deleted it

Sorry can’t make it, have other plans

I am really tired, can't make it

Oh that’s a nice scarf

Give me 2 minutes and I’ll send that mail

I’ll take a quick break and be back
I have an early morning flight 

Oh I saw your sms now

I really want to be with you

We know each other for donkey's years
I loved you in that movie/show/society dance competition

Like

What they really mean?

Image Courtesy: Google

I will be late today, water problems – I just got up

Stuck in traffic jam, be there in 10 – I just got up

Oh that report, I must have missed it – I was facebooking

What mail? I didn’t get any mail – I was facebooking

I had done the PPT, somebody deleted it – I don’t know what PPT this is

I am really tired, can't make it – I rather meet my boyfriend

Oh that’s a nice scarf – I don’t have to mention the hideous shirt

Give me 2 minutes and I’ll send that mail – What mail, what mail?

I’ll take a quick break and be back – wait for me
I have an early morning flight - my morning starts at 11 am

Oh I saw your sms now – I was facebooking

I really want to be with you – but only on SMS

We know each other for donkey's years - can't remember your name
I loved you in that movie/show/society dance competition – I haven’t seen it actually

Like – can’t ignore this

My reaction to this shit? Rolling eyes, angry expression, fuming flaring nostrils? Ah, never mind. 

Voices In My Head

I like people. Sometimes. Other times, I really do not care. But I care about voicing my thoughts about them. Call me judgmental. I don’t care.

I don’t really voice my thoughts to them verbally, I try to express through my blank expression. That must say a million things to them.

Dalhi dude with dole shole, tight V-necked T-shirt - "Nice cleavage" 

Uncleji who just won’t stop talking to his family back in gujjuland – “kem cho?”

The guy who insists on walking at the same pace as me – “I got pepper spray!”

The corporate dude – “At least changes your shoes, don’t want to damage your Oliver Sweeney’s do you?”

The corporate dudette – “Talking work on your phone wont burn the fat”

To the group of Auntyjis walking in a single file – “There are benches, really, you can sit & chat”

To the bunch of college kids – “Keep. To. The. Left”

Couple making out – “    “

MNS guy – “malla marathi maithnahi” (I know he is MNS guy, as he keeps on referring to some Mansa Meeting on the phone”

Page 3 Auntyji in tight track pants & t-shit stretched over extra special love handles – ‘oops, camel feet!”

The grandpa who runs – “how do you do it?”

Obese teen 1– “My grandma walks faster than you”

Obese teen 2 – “you are never going to lose any fat just by doing half a round”

Dad with Kid running amok – “control your kid, I almost tripped over it”

Dude with loud music - 'Can you really hear it when your heart rate is 170 and the blood is pumping in your ears"

Animal lover feeding strays – ‘get some friends’

The stray – ‘bite him, please’

The showoff on the fire poi – ‘ever heard of Entertainment Ke Liye Kuch Bhi Karega?”

The color-coordinated earring, head band, wrist band & hot shots struggling actor – ‘yeah, casting happens on the jogging track!”

The health freak with the bottle of Gatorade – ‘Uff, too much!”

Guy expat with girl expat – “recession, huh?”

Kid on skates – ‘Wonder if I can still do that”

Hot girl jiggling away on the jogging track – “Wear a dark colored t-shirt. And a sports bra”

Maybe I should just whisper these to them. Or write a chit and throw it at them while passing by. Maybe I should change my timing or route. Or just tune out these voices in my head and focus. 

Leaving Mumbai

I always thought it was easy to leave or enter a city. One doesn't need a visa! Starting a life or a new beginning should not be dependent on a geographical location.

I have been living in Mumbai for the past 10 years and although it's not a lot of time to have discovered or familiarized with every nook and corner of the this metropolis, I did manage to find zones where I liked to hang out or identify with. I did make few friends with whom to share my moments with. Although the primary reason of living in Mumbai was not any great love for the culture of the city or the thrill of living in one of the fastest growing cities in India, it was merely the job opportunities.

When I wanted to leave this city which had been my home for the last decade, I realized it wasn't as easy to say bye as it was easy to arrive with dreams in ones eyes and a heart full of optimisim. Over the years I had grown roots in the form of doctors whose replacement had to be found, banks which needed letters of transfers, insurance which needed insane amount of paperwork than the time of purchasing, disposal of furniture, packing of knick-knacks that had been accumulated over the years.

How had a city become such an important part of my routine? The ease of commuting, the local watering hole which welcomed me like a long lost friend, the traffic jams which let me catch up with friends on the phone while waiting for the signal to turn green, the convenience of home delivery of a variety of things, to the impromptu UNO matches to the late night movie fests.

Are these activities exclusive to Mumbai only? can they not be done anywhere else? I guess this is what both the city and me have to discover. Will Mumbai retain its charm over me or will I find a new beginning?