Swimming with the Fishes

I want to do that… i.e. swim with the fishes…deep sea ones… without the burden of oxygen cylinders and tight fitting spandex with webbed feet. I want to do it without the trappings of nautical equipments and jargon.

How? Is what you are thinking… I have a solution which is so sublime that it is ridiculous to the average human. I want my body to be flung into the ocean (preferably Indian Ocean… patriotic to the end, eh?) once my heart ceases to beat.

Well, I was thinking about insurance and mediclaim and its benefits…after fighting with my CA (this is an annual July fight… last day of filing taxes is 31st July and my CA never bothers to do anything about it till I remind him… why in the name of God did I ever hire him beats me) and I realized that I have gone and invested my money in insurance and stuff… and put my parents & bro as benefactors automatically… thinking that I will outlive them and get all the money myself (I’m a born optimistic) but what if…I don’t… then apart from the money part there are a few details that needs to be taken care of… none of the policies have made any provisions for it…

Since I am a healthy individual (oh forget the smoking, drinking and non exercising part… I eat right and I am physically active …even though I don’t gym) I won’t just drop dead one fine day (that would please a whole lot of people). Most likely I will be done in through some freak accident (wholly stupid I am sure… I attract silliness for some reason). In such a case, I don’t want to bother my parents (I might recover!) till I am confirmed by a medical authority that I have walked over to the other side.

I don’t want my aging parents to make a long trip and fuss over me…besides its their time to be fussed over… it will be a whole lot of trouble for them. But if I do breathe my last, then I do want them and collect my things (books and some knick knacks collected over the years… mostly scrap but hey they mean a lot to me I guess) so that my landlady is not inconvenienced and my friends do not bumble around what to do. (Note to friends – do not inform my parents till the end… I am expecting you to make the call judiciously, don’t let me down on this, plz).

Then I am sure, that there will be a lot of unnecessary crying (oh how I would hate that) and debates over how to take my body back to my hometown and do the last rituals there.

I don’t want that. I want my body to be dumped into the Indian Ocean (let the environmentalists go to hell) and to be done so before it turns cold. Period. No debates no discussion, no confusion. Consider it my last wish. Maybe I should outsource this job to somebody as I am sure my parents would never agree to it.

Is there any such agency or person who can follow this to a T? Hmmm… I want to swim with the fishes…deep sea ones…

Bengali Food

I have been craving Bengali food… its simply yummy… starting form the junk street food to the ones that Bouma prepares lovingly in the house, I miss all kinds…
Here is a list of stuff that I’d kill to eat…

1. Golgappa – yummy pani puri stuffed with mashed potatoes, green chilies, onion, chana, spices…dunked in imli & mint water. This is way better than the stuff that you find in Mumbai…which is puri stuffed with boondi and dunked in sweet chutney… yuck. Note the onions are not fried… in fact apart from the puri’s nothing is fried… healthy eh!

2. Rolls – This is hot spicy maida roti layered with eggs and stuffed with chicken & onions (not fried again) and spiced with ketchup, green chili sauce and topped with mustard sauce (yes there is a thing called mustard sauce)… this is not the same as Frankie that is found here… which is mostly greasy and spicy not by design but by default.

3. Jhal Muri – This is bhelpuri with a Bengali twist. It contains almost the same ingredients, but is different in taste by virtue of the mustard oil that is added. And unlike its Mumbai counterpart, it doesn’t come in meetha, medium, theekha, sukha or geela… it comes as one … not too sukha, not too geela, not sweet and wholly spicy and pungent (mustard and finely chopped radish!)

4. Alu bhajja – The bongs had the French fries in their menu’s way before the big Mac popularized it in India. Alu bhajja is finely sliced potatoes fried and eaten hot. It is a must at every lunch.

5. Fish Fry – It is not the same as the fried fish that you get at Jai Hind, Trishna or Mahesh Lunch Home. Agreed that the bombil fry melts in the mouth and is found only in amchi Mumbai but the fresh water fish fried without any batter (marinated only in salt & turmeric) is yummy…

6. Rui Kalia – This is fish curry … where neither the fish overpowers the curry nor the curry loses the fish. Obviously it is fresh water fish.

7. Alu Kobir Dalna – This is yellow dal (tur) with potatoes and cauliflower. Other veggies can be optionally added like pumpkin, eggplant, etc. The tadka is of Panch Phoran and ginger. And garnished with jeera-mirchi powder. Some fools may call it a sambhar like thing…but it is way different in the sense that there is no sourness and it is thicker than sambhar.

8. Alu Posto – potatoes fried in poppy seed (posto) paste… this sleep inducing, lip smacking dish goes very well with boiled rice and masoor dal.

9. Doi Bengan – fried eggplants put in curd with a tadka of panch phoran and curry leaves, green chilies and chopped ginger. This is a side dish but I can eat it as such.

10. Muri ghanto – this is fish head of rohu cooked with rice and spices… I don’t know how to make this myself but my mom’s recipe is to die for.

11. Kasha Mansho – this is mutton cooked with onions, ginger, garlic, posto, dhania, etc and is simply groovy… mom I miss ur cooking!

12. Luchi & Alu dum – this is similar to puri and alu…except that all things Bengali this is also divine. Never quite figured out how to make this, but I love it anyways.

13. Doi shorshe Illish – this is one dish that I can kill for… it is hilsa fish, mustard and curd… what else do u need??

14. chingri macher malai curry – succulent prawns cooked in coconut malai…again these are fresh water prawns and that adds to the taste.

15. Sweets – misti doi, gur sandesh, rasogollas… need I say anything more??

I want Bengali food…home cooked variety, not the kind that you get at OH Calcutta… although that comes quite close.

Awww, So Sweet …

Although I am not a huge fan of the Awwww moments in life, I can’t help but be a part of it sometimes… last night was one such ‘Awww’ filled experience. Anu (the love of my life) called me to chill out at her place. Since I am working for a start up these days and the office space is not yet ready, so there are 60 of us crammed in one place. What with all the noise of a newsroom and so many people around, at the end of the day I don’t want to meet any human beings after work.

But then when I was ticking off all the excuses in my book so as to avoid meeting her in a public place, Cyril (the lust of my life) came on line and I was instantly convinced to meet them at ‘Mia Cucina’.

Upon reaching there, I was given a huge bear hug by a bear of a man claiming to be Cyril, while Cyril was grinning from ear to ear at my discomfort. The papa bear turned out to be James another buddy of stud boy’s with beefy muscles and equally beefy vocal chords. I was impressed and so was Sorabh who has a thing going on with every guy that I like.

Anu was all decked up for some reason and looked quite cute and Cyril (ahhh… he looked divine in a brown shirt) and both of them looked so cute together, especially when stud boy addressed his lady love as ‘Sweetu’… that was definitely an Oscar winning ‘Awwww’ moment.

I just could not help noticing how good both my friends looked with each other and the chemistry that they shared, made me a bit jealous, made me wish I was not single, but hey this post is not about me.

The evening was great; it was hilarious, what with James pretending to be an Investment Banker, Cyril trying to be a refined gentleman and Sorabh trying to be funny as usual.

Then for some reason we went to meet a dog called Kaiser and everybody went ‘Awwww’ again…I tried to remain as far as is civilly possible but Kaiser looked at me with those lovelorn eyes and asked me why I haven’t petted him yet. So very reluctantly I petted him and repeated the codeword ‘Awww’ much to everyone’s surprise.

After fighting with each other for god knows what, we dropped beefcake James off and started chasing another car for some reason. Then I realized that the other car had some bags on the top and we were chasing it to tell them about it, good Samaritans that we were in out inebriated state. Then I totally got in the groove and kept on yelling ‘drive faster’ at stud boy who loves his car more than Anu, and after much yelling and confusion we finally caught up with the scared couple who were fleeing us. We did the last ‘Awwww’ deed of the day and headed home.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed the entire evening with the three stooges and the very beautiful Anu and I thank them for filling my life with some very memorable ‘Awww’ moments.

Dumbfounded!

Sages used to practice Maunvrat quite often. I don’t know the scientific reason behind this, but I am quite sure that there is one.

I had an option of practicing the same last week. I had a sore throat and I could not speak. As one of my editors remarked, that she is talking quite a lot despite losing her voice, I could not but help noticing how handicapped I had become at work. There is so much to communicate with colleagues, editors, bosses, office boys, housekeeping in a day that it is mind-boggling to say the least! However, apart from communicating at work, I detest getting into conversations these days.

The dumb state lasted a couple of hours, but I managed to stretch it for couple of days. Imagine not having to talk to anybody…it was nirvana. I have not been smarter than this ever. I hate talking to people nowadays and the worst is to be dragged into polite conversations in the name of being civil and courteous. I am not interested in knowing where Kareena and Saif went for a holiday or the side effects of botox or the pain of having a work at home hubby.

I am a simple soul who wants to do her work and keep communication to the minimum, monosyllables if at all.
I don’t have a need to communicate anything to anybody; I want to be left alone. Period.

I knowingly did not take my medicines hoping for a relapse of the condition without the bad cough… the cough was painful, it kept me up nights…but I didn’t mind the not talking part at all… why I can’t just go to a far off place where there is no other human being for miles… I guess I am in my unsociable best these days… I just want the least possible human contact both emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Mumbai Nightlife

The other night I gave in to my friends demands and went to a nightclub much against my wishes. Not that I don’t enjoy clubbing, but I was very tired that particular day. I had a very hectic work schedule and didn’t want to go through the whole rigmarole of the clubbing culture.

Yes, it is an art (something which I have yet to master), which clubbers follow religiously. There is the right group to go with, the right clothes and accessories, the right look, the right time to reach and the right time to leave, the right drinks to order and the right moves to make. Oh the pressure of partying right!

I used to do all of the above, and I’d say I took a certain pleasure if I managed to get at least one aspect right. But alas, those heady days are gone. Nowadays I don’t find clubbing exciting…am I becoming old? Or is it a case of ‘Been there done that’?

Maybe innovation is the keyword here…if there is something new, exciting than the usual (reach, find a good spot-not too far from the bar not too near the DJ console, balance a drink in one hand, smokes and clutch in the other, air kiss friends and their stooges, shake a leg, try to give a sultry look to the hottie, manage to escape the groping of the sleazy guy, give dirty looks to the DJ when ‘tenu kala chasma’ plays, dodge all the people making a bee-line to the bar or the washroom)… phew wasn’t I supposed to enjoy my drink and the music… what about the ambience for which I have shelled out thousands … cant see it due to the smoke and the crowd. Then when you have managed to fit in the groove, the DJ announces that it is the last song of the night and the club is shutting down. Then, either we go in search of food or another nightclub which is open… the options are really limited at that time. Mostly, we head home to pass out.

Maybe the next ‘In-Thing’ in the clubbing circuit would be no crowd, no smoke, no fancy ambience, no make-up, no loud music, no expensive drinks, no closing time. It’s the time of the house party.

Or maybe, just stop partying…and just concentrate on my work…but how do I unwind… any suggestions??