Saturday, December 20, 2008

Is it a Bird, a Plane...Superman??

No, it’s me paragliding ...in tandem...since I still have to learn how to fly on my own...but hey I atleast did it...for the 2nd time!!
It so happened that my producer who was supposed to shoot paragliding for his show fell ill, so I had to go in his place...and boy was I glad that he fell ill (sorry Neeraj) but this was one shoot that I am really glad of.
The whole trip was quite adventurous by itself even the non-flying part. We started at 1800 hrs from Mumbai...but got lost somewhere in Thane where we had to pick up Reema (my asst. Producer) but neither the driver, nor Sunil (cameraperson) nor Reema knew how to reach the expressway ...we went around in circles and wasted around 2 hours trying to figure it out.
When you ask people directions... it becomes a compulsion for them to show us the way even if they don’t know... Indian Hospitality at its best! Why is it so difficult to say “Sorry Boss, don’t know the way...ask somebody else” instead to sending hapless people like us on a wild goose chase. By the time we found the expressway and were happily enjoying the drive (it’s an amazing drive on the expressway...there are numerous tunnels and the minimum speed limit is 80km/hr... so it’s a Vrrroom experience). I was quite content with the fact that Sunil knows the way, having been there before...but then I noticed that he was dozing; forget telling the driver the way... it was on my frail shoulders that the responsibility of reaching Kamshet fell... and I like always rose to the occasion. By the time we reached Kamshet it was 2300 hrs (it actually takes 2 hours to reach Lonavla from Mumbai and Kamshet is around 20 Kms away from Lonavla...so you do the math). Not only that we got lost while coming back to Mumbai as well... I reached home at 0500 hrs in the morning the next day ... I saw all the places that I had always heard about...Bhiwandi, Gorbunder, Khopoli, etc . It was fun....plz plz plz don’t miss the sarcasm here... you wouldn’t if you have spent almost 48 hours awake...getting lost, shooting, getting lost... it was flying that gave me some hope... I knew that I can’t die ...I knew that I had to return to civilization to tell the story...if not to my grandkids then to all netizens .
Since Kamshet is a village and the nightlife is not as vibrant as Mumbai...we did not even meet a stray dog there...so quite predictably we got lost again...despite numerous calls to the guy (Sanjay Rao) whose resort (Flying Nirvana) we were going to ...we did however saw a guy standing in the middle of the road in the middle of the night in the chill of the mountains smoking ...we dare not ask him directions... but as luck would have it... all the other people that we managed to bump into were all dead drunk...so Kamshet was not that dead a place...it must have a hep bar to have so many people drunk!
Against all odds, bad roads, equally bad driving and endless phone calls later we reached Nirvana...were shown into a cottage which was really beautiful. That kind of made up for all the time wasted in commuting. Then we realized that flying was supposed to start early morning at 0600 hrs and it was already 0100 hrs...the rest of the people at Nirvana were all sleeping ...so we decided to call it a day and turned in as well. But the sleep god had some other plans... Reema complained that she can’t sleep in strange places...and if she talks to a boring person, she can sleep... again I rose to the occasion...but she was so drawn into my conversation that she could not sleep!
Anyways, we did manage to get some shut eye for a couple of hours and were ready to fly ...post our introduction to Sanjay and his crew we ready with our camera and watched wide eyed many homo- sapiens in the air...it was a sight to see... wish we didn’t have to work/shoot...wish we could fly . There were few rookies who were learning the tricks of the trade and some high-flyers who were honing their skills...but all were a treat to watch...or thats what I thought. Sanjay told us that there will be another group who will fly post lunch at a different place at a much higher altitude and we could go there.
The place was beautiful... there were no rookies here... everybody had been flying for couple of years and the heights that they could soar upto was literally out of the world... I saw an eagle do a vertical spin ...maybe it was just jealous, maybe it committed suicide. After finishing our work, we also went on a tandem ride.
This was really one of the best experiences of my life... I was up in the air without any mechanised motor...strapped onto a harness which in turn was attached to a piece of cloth shaped like a wing...but the feeling was awesome... I would be lying if I said that I was not scared ...I was... a teeny weeny bit...but initially when the harness was being double checked ... but that was because I wanted to shoot the flight and my handycam didn’t have a safety strap...I was scared that I might drop it ...besides I had a battery life of only 5 min (my battery adapter was stolen from my last trip to Sindhudurg and I still haven’t had the time to get a replacement)...but once I was up in the air... the view was so breathtaking and the moment so precious...that I didn’t need any Handycam to store those memories in digital format... I have them permanently etched in my mind.
I will put up my videos as soon as I find the time to digitise them...watch this space...

Friday, December 5, 2008

Working Stills


























I had the oppurtunity to shoot from the top of Air India Building (a chance that few people can avail of) and I managed to click some stills (sadly I had only my camera phone... the rest of the footage is work related hence cant share it here)... even if the quality is not so good... its rare for me!!!














Enjoy!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Mumbai Struck Again

It’s all over the idiot box and newspapers... people have forgotten their daily schedule and are glued to the television sets as the great Indian rescue drama unfolds.... in the era of no original soaps, thanks to a just concluded strike by television technicians... news channels have offered some gruelling action drama.
It all started around 21:00 hrs at Cafe Leopold when a group of young twenty something’s stormed in and started firing at the public... then Oberoi was stormed into and grenades lobed and rounds from AK-47 fired... by then pandemonium had spread and the news channels had dispatched their teams to catch the action ... by then Taj was entered and rounds fired there and some hotel guests taken hostage...few terrorists entered CST and opened fire, another group of terrorists went to the Cama Hospital and opened fire...The ATS team arrived under the able guidance of its chief Hemant Karkare. He went in to fight the terrorists without knowing who or why they had taken so many people hostage, thinking it was action film and unlike the movie, the hero was shot dead within minutes of entering ground zero... encounter specialist Salaskar and ACP Kamte were also shot dead... the death of these senior officers is a huge blow to the Mumbai police ... and to us Mumbaikars ...if these seniors were not prepared to handle this kind of situation then how can we depend on the friendly neighbourhood ‘pandu’ to protect us from such terror attacks... coz attacks like this is here to stay... it is upto us to be prepared..It is upto us to be not only swift in our action but efficient as well...
Well anyways... after gunning down these valiant officers, they made their getaway in a police car firing indiscriminately at random people.....the car passed through Metro and fired there as well....then there was a blast at Ville Parle which is around 25 km away... hence the attacks were well planned...
But why the hell am I giving you these details... you can find them at any newspaper or news channel... unfortunately, we were shooting at these very locations (Oberoi, CST and Metro) and had left these locations 30 min before the shootout started... I say unfortunate coz, had we been there we would have got live footages ... although we did manage to get live footage albeit a bit late since the drama is still on... it’s been more than 38 hours and rescue operation is still on...Black cat commandoes have taken over and many hostages freed and few terrorists killed....
One thing that bothers me is ...if these people had taken innocent people as hostage ...was it to buy their escape route out of Mumbai... did they contact anybody about it.... was it a suicide mission ...are we going to talk about this incident for the next couple of weeks and also talk about the undying spirit of Mumbai (read Helpless) and then forget the whole incident as another terror attack under reams of newsprint and spools of videotape...Is it finally time to be on the offensive for us? Will we ever get the upper hand... do we need to scale up our anti terror tactics, laws, personnel, morale???
I’ve been in office... trying to help the news team in whatever little way I can... coz my shoots have been cancelled... all units are covering the shootout, all video editors are busy editing all the various angles that this drama has unfolded... I did offer to my boss to be sent on to the field if there was a shortage of reporters (without knowing how to go about it)... My parents have been calling me up and asking me to go home and stay put there (poor guys don’t understand the importance of news ... I guess they don’t realize that I work for a News Channel)...and to top it up...my crazy aunty went on a fun 3 day trip to Lonavla!!!
In the midst of this I realized, I haven’t had time to go meet my Sis-in- Law who just had had an operation for cancer and is still hospitalized... I’m just not able to find time to go meet them.
What is that which I can do?? Are they any other who want to help but don’t know how?? Can we do something together??

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

humming along!


So much is happening... that I'm quite lost ... I'm just reacting to things not planning it out... but since its been a long time that I haven't spend any time here... I decided to do the honours today... there is an occasion... I got Internet connection for my laptop at home!!! yaaaaa!!! I'd been procrastinating for quite some time...besides there was genuinely no spare time to do all this... but all this happened thanks to a hummer... I met a guy who owns a hummer and a Cadillac and is getting a Maserati...now my knowledge about vehicles is as expansive as my knowledge about the financial condition of Peru...but I atleast know how an hummer looks... n boy I like the way it looks!!!...
To cut a long story short... met this chap (Sagar) at a shoot... got talking (producer in me is really active...I dont leave any prospective source) and went for a drive... planned some more shoots with him... he also helped me get the Internet connection... it all happened in the span of last 48 hrs... so boy am i humming along...u bet ur 18 inch modified tyres that I am...
Btw just packed up my shoot at Red Light for the channel id.. it was ok...cud have been better... but with limited resources ... this is what I cud do...like they say at channel V..."itne paise mein itna hi milega"...




Friday, October 31, 2008

Fun is never planned


Another week, another list of events ...some good some average, most not worth mentioning. Mumbai celebrated Diwali with much gusto, despite the fall in the sensex... I guess nothing affects the spirit of festivities here.
On Diwali eve, the office was all decked up and so were we... we had traditional wear day and there was a lot of giggling and festivities...as expected I was completely turned off with all the unnecessary giggling even though I had made an effort to dress up in what I hoped to pass off as traditional wear...nobody bothered or noticed anyways.
I was out shooting on Diwali night and was really glad for the opportunity as I had never ventured out on Diwali night in Mumbai and never really knew how amchi Mumbai celebrates it...well, it is the same way as in Delhi, Bangalore or any other place...people burst crackers and create a din, there is a lot of smoke and unnecessary happiness... the fireworks look nice ...but only if you can shake off the smoke that surrounds it and the niggling doubt that kids have been subjected to work in sub-human conditions in these factories.
We were in the middle of the shoot and in the middle of an almost choking attack (courtesy the smoke) when a stray bit of fire from some fire cracker hit my cameraperson bang on his left cheek and burnt his face. The crowd all eager to talk to the camera dispersed in an instant, the shoot was cancelled and we started hunting for a chemist shop... Sunil (cameraperson) meanwhile is hitched on to the compact mirror which Reema (intern) has kindly lent him...it’s a legitimate reason for him to preen in front of a mirror... and like a kid with a new toy, wouldn’t let go of the compact mirror, we had to finally trick him to get it back. For some reason, I came alive (with all my bad jokes) only when Sunil was injured... strange... I am a sadist after all. I kind of enjoyed describing in detail how the burn spread, how the colour and texture of the burn looked, etc disgusting Reema and hopefully scaring Sunil.
The day following Diwali was kind of slow as the hangover of the festivities was still in the air like the smell of fire crackers... there was not much accomplished work wise but we did play truth n dare (without the dare part) and some other game... in office... and managed to embarrass few colleagues and shock others with my wicked mind apparently.
Just realised that fun moments are never planned.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Stress, Riots and Jhankar Beats


When I had started this blog, it was meant to be a disciplined blogger not writing about stray incidents... but I hadn't reckoned on the fact that blogging is a full time occupation...I haven't found the time to pen down so many important events that have happened in the last couple of weeks.

However, since today is kinda a landmark day ....hence can't ignore it ...but like a true Mumbaikar (ahem ...can visualize the Thackerays getting permanent frown lines) I chose to club other issues with it and finish off the backlog!

Well these days is kinda hectic... with the impending launch of the channel, most of my waking hours are at the office, I just go home to crash and shower. I've had my moments of self doubt and the feeling of failure has become a permanent fixture in my mind... I don't seem to motivate my team enough to make them work to the best of their ability and achieve their deliverables. My boss keeps on reassuring me that they don't have the bandwidth to understand the word deliverables, leave alone execute the same...but the fact remains that I am not a good team leader.

With so much stress going on... Raj Thackeray has gone and gotten arrested... His MNS had beaten up non-maharastrains who were applying for railway jobs and since this vigilante behaviour has been going on for some time, the authorities decided to show their power and arrested Raj, thus enabling him to become a bigger hero in the eyes of the public. But amchi Mumbai has a strange way of showing support ...here people start rioting, burning taxis and autos with the rapid action force out with their lathis.

Hapless office-goers think ten times before venturing out...the client presentation is important so is their own safety... what if the rioters chose them to express their anger...do they also display their smattering of Marathi to safeguard themselves or do they beg and plead to get some semblance of sympathy.

That’s an individual choice and I wish all of them good luck to endure one more day like this... as for me, when I left my house I was lucky to find a taxi and auto. However, the auto wallah insisted on playing "Aisi Dewangi, Dekhi Nahin Kabhi, Maine-Tumne" with jhankar beats... I couldn't help laughing at God's sense of humour...the lyrics were appropriate to the situation and the jhankar beats (tudum-tudum....dhinchak...dhinchak...tudum dhish) adding the right tone.

Here's to another day in Mumbai and cudgels to the guy who invented Jhankar Beats!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Puppy Love


As much as I detest kids (I find them to be pesky creatures who are always needy...they either need food, somebody to change their diapers, play with them, talk to them...or simply give them tons of attention), I can’t help being amused by few kiddie things that they do.
I have guests in the house right now; they are my landlady’s daughter and grandson who have stopped over in Mumbai, on their way from a vacation in the US to Australia where they reside. The grandson (Shaan) is like any other kid of his age (3-4 years) who wants to watch Cartoon Network all day and not eat anything and wants everybody to buy him toys.
Couple of days ago, I came back from work all exhausted around midnight, had my dinner, watched the customary idiot box for some time and passed out on my bed. I was woken up by my landlady screaming “what the hell are you doing here”...I woke up all confused and hazy ... “what am I doing in my bed in my room, at this hour??”.... “Playing football”... what did you expect....of course I am sleeping... these words were about to find my voice box but for the simple fact that at that point of time my nerves were not responding to my tired brain... and thank god for that... coz the next second I realized that the little bundle of mischief was sleeping next to me!!!
I didn’t even know he was sleeping next to me... I didn’t hear him open my door, enter my room, close the door and climb into my bed...either he was a pro in climbing into other peoples bed without making any noise or I really am a sound sleeper.
Well, I was apologetic to my landlady who picked up the kid and went out of my room giving me the looks... the next day when the kid was questioned on why had he walked in the middle of the night to my room he said “I wanted to sleep on her body”...mind you...it’s not sleep with her, next to her, with her...its sleep “on” her body. His mom explained that he likes me a lot since we share a similar passion for Cartoon Network...Needless to say I was quite freaked out... maybe the kid knows this is the way to freak me out... as a punishment for not buying him toys... I shall buy him toys today...definitely... I don’t want any kids climbing into my bed... now if that was John Abraham or Brad Pitt ...well ;)

Eid Mubarak





The other day I went to Md. Ali Road with Eliaz, an ex-colleague of mine from Turner... we have been planning to go every year during Ramzan, but were finally successful this year.
The food was delicious... there was chicken (roasted, fried, curried), liver, trotters, tongue, bater(game bird), naan, rotis, mutton, beef chops, seviyaan, malpua, aflatoons, paan, etc... The trick was to eat at the roadside stalls inside of the restaurants.
The frenzy, the fervour that one can witness at Md Ali Road can only be surpassed by the Ganpati Visarjan in Mumbai.
This is a very unique thing about Mumbai and Mumbaikars... every festival takes on a passion that is hard to ignore. Everyone irrespective of religion, caste, creed, race, sex has active participation in all the happenings.
This is truly a cosmopolitan city. However, I was not able to keep all my Roza’s due to a trip to Sindhudurg to shoot a travel show... but no worries, I shall be even more particular next year and will make it up then. But as for now, I shall quickly order some biryani and Haleem...yum!
Btw EID MUBARAK to all!!!

Official Trip


On the eve of World Tourism Day, MTDC took a bunch of journalists to Sindhudurg district to see the beauty of the place. The incentive was a alleged press conference with the revenue minister Mr. Narayan Rane.
Being from the programming side of the channel and waiting to shoot a travel show with the minimum amount of expenditure, I jumped on to the bandwagon with as much gusto as the journalists, armed with 5 bags of equipment (camera, lights, et al) and 2 more bags with personal effects.
The rest of the team gave me suspicious looks, they were armed only with a pen and a note book (the weapon of a true journalist) and an occasional camera or so... I ignored the looks and the language (predominantly Marathi...I only knew a smattering of it) and started briefing my cameraperson on the kind of visuals and treatment that we would need to do.
Seeing our enthusiasm, the others also decided to shoot a small feature or documentary to impress their top brass... more often than not, I found the other camera persons shooting from the same angle as we were.
Unfortunately, the organizers hadn’t counted on trigger happy camera crew like us and most of the 2 day trip was spent on the bus travelling from one place to the other with 5 min stops to see the beauty of the district.
Our first stop was on a roadside restaurant for dinner, where I took out my Handycam to shoot the group in an effort to break the ice and overcome the language barrier, but I wasn’t quite successful.
Early Friday morning found us at a MTDC resort called Madhuvan where we stopped to freshen up and continue our journey towards Vijaydurg. The resort was one dilapidated one where the towels had two big holes as its USP!
Vijaydurg was a fort where few local politicians had gotten together to light the Maashal which was to be carried by a group of runners for the Meet on World Tourism day at Sawantwadi. The fort was surrounded by the Arabian Sea and as part of the run up to the event; there were folk dancers in green skirts (all men!!) and dhol beaters (trance at its best!) and school kids in Shivaji costumes. Unfortunately we could only stay there for few minutes as we had to rush to the next location - Kunkeswar Temple; But not before some 'Ghawne & alu sabzi with Thalipeeth" as breakfast. So what if breakfast was at 1230 hrs in the afternoon, it gave us the energy to play Antakshari in the bus.
We reached Kunkeswar all charged up and shot as much as we could in those 5 min that were allocated to us as we had to rush to the next location Tarkali Beach... I did get the feeling that we were playing the "Amazing Race - Sindhudurg" although there was no prize money at the end of this marathon!
We hit Tarkali Beach around 1700 hrs and headed straight for a sumptuous lunch of "Surmai fry, Bangda curry, rice and Sol Kadi" and post lunch we did manage to shoot some more footage.
Then we were on the road again ... on our way to Amboli resort... we reached the MTDC guest house (thankfully no more towels with holes, although there was no hot water in the shower....actually the shower didn’t work...we had bathe the old fashioned way of bucket and mug) around 2130 hrs. After freshening up, we headed straight to the dining room...there was a lavish spread of chicken tikkas, fried prawns, chicken biryani, chicken curry, rice, chappatis, salad, mango srikhand, etc albeit all cold...since we were running four hours late on schedule.
After dinner, everyone went for a walk, but Sunil (my cameraperson) and me got into battle mode and made plans to get up early to shoot... we reasoned that since the rest of the group would sleep till late, we will get some advantage over them as well as get the morning light.
Saturday Morning at 0600 hrs, we were ready with our camera and tripod in place and shot whatever we could manage till the others got up and joined us.... it was at that point that I just realized what the word “Competitiveness” means... none of the other journalists had a brief from their seniors on making a feature, they were supposed to cover the press conference only, but when they saw us shooting a feature, they wanted to do the same and earn brownie points!
Then we were on the road again to Sawantwadi for the press conference stopping for 5 min en-route to shoot some waterfalls.
Sawantwadi was a small bustling town all ready to welcome the high profile Revenue Minister ... the seminar went as planned (although I struggled to understand the language...I also dozed off in-between) and as soon as Mr. Narayan Rane left the podium all journalists breezed off after him to “Shilpagram” – the art & craft village where the minister answered questions to the eager journalists and where all of us feasted on a lavish spread of Malvani cuisine. There were crabs, different varieties of fishes, prawns, modaks, rice, ghawne, solkadi, etc.
As the day drew to an end, I realized that I had not got enough footage to make a travel show, I pulled all the strings that I could (the producer in me rose to the occasion) and I managed to convince a municipal officer to arrange for our stay and facilitate our shoot. From here onwards the shoot went on smoothly since we were not dependent on a third party.
We left early on Sunday morning to Sindhudurg fort ... to reach the fort we had to take a boat ride and once inside the fort, we lost ourselves in the serene surroundings and beautiful ruins.
After pack up we returned back to Sawantwadi to catch a bus back to Mumbai ...since I was dead tired from the shoot, I slept like a log in the bus till we reached Mumbai... however, that was not the end of the day for me... I got a call from the office for yet another shoot... this time it was to capture the fastest singer in India (or should I say the world?) Shankar “breathless” Mahadevan for the recording of our channel ID...but that as they say is another story...err another blog post ;)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Cellphone wonders





These pics happened by accident... this beauty flew in and sat on my laptop... There was no time to get lights and professional camera organised, had to click on my cell phone camera... maybe thats why they are a bit pixelated...but still ... a thing of beauty is a joy forever...
OMG, I'm finding butterflies beautiful...what is wrong with me... is this the Smruti that I knew?? hehe multiple personalities at work... wink wink.










Monday, September 15, 2008

Homosexuality

I want Ramadoss to be successful in his mission of legalising homosexuality in India. I am not a closet lesbian, happy about the whole thing ...nor am I a homophobic who secretly hopes that legalising it would make all homophobic breathe a sigh of relief.
I am just an observer who cannot but help notice that the vast Indian population is made up of homosexual beings. Look anywhere and you will find that I am not wrong. Men dance with each other in all kinds of religious processions (behold the frenzy, the fervour, the closeness of the anatomies), at shopping malls, at cricket matches, at work, at watering holes... you name it and I bet that you will find at least one such pair.
I haven’t had the chance to observe much about other societies hence I can’t comment on how normal this situation is, but it certainly is ironical that in a society where people of opposite sexes rarely mingle with each other, there is no sensitivity or legal sanctity for homosexuals.
Right from childhood we are groomed to stay away and fear the opposite sex; hence we grow up as misinformed prudes. It is ok for us to hold hands with our girlfriends, but if we even speak for more than fifteen minutes with a guy, everybody including the guy thinks it’s an affair! Can I also include crimes against women as fallout of this theory??
I am just hoping that Ramadoss uncle manages to legalise homosexuality so that at least we as a society stop being hypocrites. We will at least then accept our true identities. Like my friend Charu explains “We are all born homosexuals, all of us possess latent homosexual tendencies but due to societal pressures act otherwise. A same sex relationship has far better chances of surviving than a relationship between opposite sex as both the partners would understand each other much better”
Well Charu, if Ramadoss has his way, we certainly will test the validity of your theory, till then I shall continue to watch men dance with each other during the procession of drowning elephant God. Amen.

Friday, September 12, 2008

God is Deaf!

I don’t understand Religious Processions
I seriously don’t. There is some kind of fervour in the air that defeats my idea of religion...isn’t religion supposed to provide you with the path to God/Nirvana... isn’t that supposed to be an individual thing...then why does the whole community descend on the streets with all the religious finery amid nerve rankling noise passed off as traditional music. Why oh lord why??
Since light travels faster than the speed of sound, you can see disco lights and huge halogen lights from a distance, getting closer, you know that you can save some energy in your house by switching off the light bulbs inside as well as the TV...unless you want to watch it in mute.
Then comes the cacophony of drums in the same monotonous beat which clashes with some other troupe...some troupes get innovative and use Rakhi Sawant’s item songs (item songs are ok as long as they are performed by a Marathi person).
The funniest thing is the dance... its one hand raised up (usually the right hand), fist rolled up for a punch ...like somebody doing ‘Inquilab Zindabad’ with feet’s marching...what is this dance???
But the thing that irritates me most is the noise... why do they have to use loudspeakers... Is God deaf??? Do we need electronic devices to reach him these days now... is that what’s called technologically advanced?
And why do people get into frenzy?? Why is there so much excitement...I don’t understand this... people stay up nights for these processions... to watch and take part. Traffic snarls worsen, shops keep erratic timings...hell I just don’t like all these.
First there is a procession to bring the God home (why did you let go of him in the first place...besides isn’t God omnipresent...why does one need to bring him home), then there is another procession to drown the God (now that you have finally got him why let him go?? Why can’t people just get posters and frame them...saves the trouble of getting and disposing the idols)
Ufff... I am getting agitated with all these processions... I think I will start a procession of my own...just need a reason...now what could be a good reason that would need drums, funny dance steps and loudspeakers???

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Ok Fine



Ok fine, I didn’t keep my word and didn’t keep my word on writing on so many events gone by...but what the heck, I will make it up with this one...it has everything...action, romance, mystery, comedy, etc...
So let’s start with work... (It is top of the list in my life anyways)... work has been hectic, deadlines to meet, new people in the team... have to manage them...diverse backgrounds and work experience...it’s been quite a task actually....explaining stuff to people who simply don’t get it and have a closed mind. I don’t understand why people hesitate to take risks...I have done that all my life... in fact last week I went for a hair cut which was not nice and in an effort to damage control I had to rebond my hair (it’s a fancy shumacy name for straightening the hair) and it cost me almost as my monthly house rent....that’s an obscene amount of money to spend on ones look (especially if you are not in the glamour industry and don’t have moneybags as your dad or BF)...but what the hell, the deed is done... no point in crying over it...even though I still have to come to terms with straight hair... I somehow think that I am more of a curly haired person... straight hair is simply not me... its straight and boring...maybe it’s the universe’s way of telling me that “straight is in”...not that I was any other way in my preferences...but i never clarified if anybody thought otherwise ;)
There was a bit of re-bonding with Anu as well... over wine and fondue ... really enjoyed it but was surprised at some of her revelations ...do such things happen?? (Can’t write them here, censored stuff ;))
Then there was the marathon meeting day (I’m jumping back to work...but hey work is 80% of my life) and I quite lost it with one of my associates... I guess they are called associates coz they are ‘asses’... btw I made an ass out of myself after watching the terrorists –hostage situation in Jammu the other day. I kind of imagined that I saw one of my friends there...and I was needlessly worried... he is a competent Major and can handle such situations easily... it’s the media which overhypes situations... but it was his unit which was there... so I guess I was not over imagining things...well gotta go now...loads of work piling up... even as I write this post in between work... (I am not shirking work... I am doing this during my lunch break...since these days I am fasting ...roza’s...so I can technically use my lunch break time for personal work ;))

Saturday, August 16, 2008

No Ideas


I have been getting calls and queries on my apparent silence on the blogging scene…well… although a lot has happened in the last few days worth mentioning … I just don’t have the time to jot them down, maybe I am plain lazy…
Some of the things that should have been written down…
1. Failed Lonavla Trip
2. Eye Toy (this is the best game!)
3. Anu’s Bday
4. Me getting the ‘Best Entertainer of the Night’ alongwith Sorabh (how, when??)
5. Independence Day party at US Club (why do I go to such events?)
6. Being neglected by my friends (read Mousumi)
7. Watching 2 movies back to back so that we could sing the National Anthem at the beginning of the movie on independence day (movies were Bachna ye Haseeno and God Tussi Great Ho…why oh why)
Well I promise… as soon as I find time, I will definitely bore you guys with my rants.

Monday, July 28, 2008


A poem composed by a fourth generation, 24-year old career officer inthe Indian Armed Forces, spurred by the report of the Sixth PayCommission and an insensitive article written by a 'respectable'denizen of the country in a national daily on the armed forces and the pertinence of the Sixth Pay Commission therein.


How you play with us, did you ever see?

At Seven, I had decided what I wanted to be;

I would serve you to the end,

All these boundaries I would defend.


Now you make me look like a fool,

When at Seventeen and just out of school;

Went to the place where they made "men out of boys"

Lived a tough life and sacrificed a few joys.


In those days, I would see my 'civilian' friends,

Living a life with the fashion trends;

Enjoying their so called "College Days"

While I sweated and bled in the sun and haze.

But I never thought twice about what where or why

All I knew was when the time came, I'd be ready to do or die.


At 21 and with my commission in hand,

Under the glory of the parade and the band,

I took the oath to protect you over land, air or sea,

And make the supreme sacrifice when the need came to be.


I stood there with a sense of recognition,

But on that day I never had the premonition,

that when the time came to give me my due,

You'd just say," What is so great that you do?"


Long back you promised a well to do life;

And when I'm away, take care of my wife.

You came and saw the hardships I live through,

And I saw you make a note or two,

And I hoped you would realise the worth of me;

but now I know you'll never be able to see,


Because you only see the glorified life of mine,

Did you see the place where death looms all the time?

Did you meet the man standing guard in the snow?

The name of his newborn he does not know...

Did you meet the man whose father breathed his last?

While the sailor patrolled our seas so vast?


You still know I'll not be the one to raise my voice

I will stand tall and protect you in Punjab Himachal and Thois.


But that's just me you have in the sun and rain,

For now at Twenty Four, you make me think again;

About the decision I made, Seven years back;

Should I have chosen another life, some other track?


Will I tell my son to follow my lead?

Will I tell my son, you'll get all that you need?

This is the country you will serve

This country will give you all that you deserve?


I heard you tell the world "India is shining"

I told my men, that's a reason for us to be smiling

This is the India you and I will defend!

But tell me how long will you be able to pretend?

You go on promise all that you may,

But it's the souls of your own men you betray.


Did you read how some of our eminent citizens

Write about me and ridicule my very existence?

I ask you to please come and see what I do,

Come and have a look at what I go through

Live my life just for a day

Maybe you'll have something else to say…..


I will still risk my life without a sigh

To keep your flag flying SKY high

but today I ask myself a question or two

Oh India...Why do I still serve you?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Third Wheel


Every time I hang out with my friends for a fun session, I get the inevitable feeling of being a third wheel… this has been happening since the stone ages for me.

Jaya & Anand/Mayank
Amrit & Mitra
Guddi & Soumya
Pinky & Mayur
Mousumi & Siddhu
Anu & Cyril
Neha & Abhinav
Vineet & Pooja/Richa
Charu & Pankaj
Deepika & Vinod
Madhusmita & Navnit
Rachita & Anas
Ashu & Sonia
Ruchika & Gautam
Sam & Nitikaji
Reena & Manish
Runa & Vijay
Sumit & Pooja/Shruti
Utkalika & Siddhu
Ruhi & carlton

The list goes on…although all my friends do make sure that I don’t get bored but I can’t help getting the feeling of being a third wheel.
But is it really bad… I get to be on my own (something which I don’t mind) and at the same time, I have some company… although sometimes it does get a bit embarrassing when they get cozy. But the worst is when they pick a fight and I have to be a judge and choose… on the one hand, there is my friend (whom I have to support) and on the other, the partner who anyways hates me for piling on. However, most often than not my friend is usually on the wrong side and the partner usually correct. In such a scenario, it’s still dicey to pass a verdict in favor of the partner in case partner is a HE… then my girlfriend gets jealous and that opens up a different Pandora’s Box.
Oh my god… such complications… and all I wanted was to spend some quality time with my friends… but sadly they don’t have any time for me.
When I started writing this post, I had thought that being a third wheel is not so bad… and that I am a pro at it… after all my favorite mode of transport has three wheels… the humble rickshaw (mechanized or otherwise)! But after having written so far, I now realize that bikes are better…cozier and faster ;) So when will I get my bike??

Monday, July 14, 2008

Swimming with the Fishes


I want to do that… i.e. swim with the fishes…deep sea ones… without the burden of oxygen cylinders and tight fitting spandex with webbed feet. I want to do it without the trappings of nautical equipments and jargon.

How? Is what you are thinking… I have a solution which is so sublime that it is ridiculous to the average human. I want my body to be flung into the ocean (preferably Indian Ocean… patriotic to the end, eh?) once my heart ceases to beat.

Well, I was thinking about insurance and mediclaim and its benefits…after fighting with my CA (this is an annual July fight… last day of filing taxes is 31st July and my CA never bothers to do anything about it till I remind him… why in the name of God did I ever hire him beats me) and I realized that I have gone and invested my money in insurance and stuff… and put my parents & bro as benefactors automatically… thinking that I will outlive them and get all the money myself (I’m a born optimistic) but what if…I don’t… then apart from the money part there are a few details that needs to be taken care of… none of the policies have made any provisions for it…

Since I am a healthy individual (oh forget the smoking, drinking and non exercising part… I eat right and I am physically active …even though I don’t gym) I won’t just drop dead one fine day (that would please a whole lot of people). Most likely I will be done in through some freak accident (wholly stupid I am sure… I attract silliness for some reason). In such a case, I don’t want to bother my parents (I might recover!) till I am confirmed by a medical authority that I have walked over to the other side.

I don’t want my aging parents to make a long trip and fuss over me…besides its their time to be fussed over… it will be a whole lot of trouble for them. But if I do breathe my last, then I do want them and collect my things (books and some knick knacks collected over the years… mostly scrap but hey they mean a lot to me I guess) so that my landlady is not inconvenienced and my friends do not bumble around what to do. (Note to friends – do not inform my parents till the end… I am expecting you to make the call judiciously, don’t let me down on this, plz).

Then I am sure, that there will be a lot of unnecessary crying (oh how I would hate that) and debates over how to take my body back to my hometown and do the last rituals there.

I don’t want that. I want my body to be dumped into the Indian Ocean (let the environmentalists go to hell) and to be done so before it turns cold. Period. No debates no discussion, no confusion. Consider it my last wish. Maybe I should outsource this job to somebody as I am sure my parents would never agree to it.

Is there any such agency or person who can follow this to a T? Hmmm… I want to swim with the fishes…deep sea ones…

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Bengali Food

I have been craving Bengali food… its simply yummy… starting form the junk street food to the ones that Bouma prepares lovingly in the house, I miss all kinds…
Here is a list of stuff that I’d kill to eat…

1. Golgappa – yummy pani puri stuffed with mashed potatoes, green chilies, onion, chana, spices…dunked in imli & mint water. This is way better than the stuff that you find in Mumbai…which is puri stuffed with boondi and dunked in sweet chutney… yuck. Note the onions are not fried… in fact apart from the puri’s nothing is fried… healthy eh!

2. Rolls – This is hot spicy maida roti layered with eggs and stuffed with chicken & onions (not fried again) and spiced with ketchup, green chili sauce and topped with mustard sauce (yes there is a thing called mustard sauce)… this is not the same as Frankie that is found here… which is mostly greasy and spicy not by design but by default.

3. Jhal Muri – This is bhelpuri with a Bengali twist. It contains almost the same ingredients, but is different in taste by virtue of the mustard oil that is added. And unlike its Mumbai counterpart, it doesn’t come in meetha, medium, theekha, sukha or geela… it comes as one … not too sukha, not too geela, not sweet and wholly spicy and pungent (mustard and finely chopped radish!)

4. Alu bhajja – The bongs had the French fries in their menu’s way before the big Mac popularized it in India. Alu bhajja is finely sliced potatoes fried and eaten hot. It is a must at every lunch.

5. Fish Fry – It is not the same as the fried fish that you get at Jai Hind, Trishna or Mahesh Lunch Home. Agreed that the bombil fry melts in the mouth and is found only in amchi Mumbai but the fresh water fish fried without any batter (marinated only in salt & turmeric) is yummy…

6. Rui Kalia – This is fish curry … where neither the fish overpowers the curry nor the curry loses the fish. Obviously it is fresh water fish.


7. Alu Kobir Dalna – This is yellow dal (tur) with potatoes and cauliflower. Other veggies can be optionally added like pumpkin, eggplant, etc. The tadka is of Panch Phoran and ginger. And garnished with jeera-mirchi powder. Some fools may call it a sambhar like thing…but it is way different in the sense that there is no sourness and it is thicker than sambhar.

8. Alu Posto – potatoes fried in poppy seed (posto) paste… this sleep inducing, lip smacking dish goes very well with boiled rice and masoor dal.

9. Doi Bengan – fried eggplants put in curd with a tadka of panch phoran and curry leaves, green chilies and chopped ginger. This is a side dish but I can eat it as such.

10. Muri ghanto – this is fish head of rohu cooked with rice and spices… I don’t know how to make this myself but my mom’s recipe is to die for.

11. Kasha Mansho – this is mutton cooked with onions, ginger, garlic, posto, dhania, etc and is simply groovy… mom I miss ur cooking!

12. Luchi & Alu dum – this is similar to puri and alu…except that all things Bengali this is also divine. Never quite figured out how to make this, but I love it anyways.

13. Doi shorshe Illish – this is one dish that I can kill for… it is hilsa fish, mustard and curd… what else do u need??

14. chingri macher malai curry – succulent prawns cooked in coconut malai…again these are fresh water prawns and that adds to the taste.

15. Sweets – misti doi, gur sandesh, rasogollas… need I say anything more??

I want Bengali food…home cooked variety, not the kind that you get at OH Calcutta… although that comes quite close.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Awww, So Sweet …


Although I am not a huge fan of the Awwww moments in life, I can’t help but be a part of it sometimes… last night was one such ‘Awww’ filled experience. Anu (the love of my life) called me to chill out at her place. Since I am working for a start up these days and the office space is not yet ready, so there are 60 of us crammed in one place. What with all the noise of a newsroom and so many people around, at the end of the day I don’t want to meet any human beings after work.

But then when I was ticking off all the excuses in my book so as to avoid meeting her in a public place, Cyril (the lust of my life) came on line and I was instantly convinced to meet them at ‘Mia Cucina’.

Upon reaching there, I was given a huge bear hug by a bear of a man claiming to be Cyril, while Cyril was grinning from ear to ear at my discomfort. The papa bear turned out to be James another buddy of stud boy’s with beefy muscles and equally beefy vocal chords. I was impressed and so was Sorabh who has a thing going on with every guy that I like.

Anu was all decked up for some reason and looked quite cute and Cyril (ahhh… he looked divine in a brown shirt) and both of them looked so cute together, especially when stud boy addressed his lady love as ‘Sweetu’… that was definitely an Oscar winning ‘Awwww’ moment.

I just could not help noticing how good both my friends looked with each other and the chemistry that they shared, made me a bit jealous, made me wish I was not single, but hey this post is not about me.

The evening was great; it was hilarious, what with James pretending to be an Investment Banker, Cyril trying to be a refined gentleman and Sorabh trying to be funny as usual.

Then for some reason we went to meet a dog called Kaiser and everybody went ‘Awwww’ again…I tried to remain as far as is civilly possible but Kaiser looked at me with those lovelorn eyes and asked me why I haven’t petted him yet. So very reluctantly I petted him and repeated the codeword ‘Awww’ much to everyone’s surprise.

After fighting with each other for god knows what, we dropped beefcake James off and started chasing another car for some reason. Then I realized that the other car had some bags on the top and we were chasing it to tell them about it, good Samaritans that we were in out inebriated state. Then I totally got in the groove and kept on yelling ‘drive faster’ at stud boy who loves his car more than Anu, and after much yelling and confusion we finally caught up with the scared couple who were fleeing us. We did the last ‘Awwww’ deed of the day and headed home.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed the entire evening with the three stooges and the very beautiful Anu and I thank them for filling my life with some very memorable ‘Awww’ moments.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Dumbfounded!

Sages used to practice Maunvrat quite often. I don’t know the scientific reason behind this, but I am quite sure that there is one.

I had an option of practicing the same last week. I had a sore throat and I could not speak. As one of my editors remarked, that she is talking quite a lot despite losing her voice, I could not but help noticing how handicapped I had become at work. There is so much to communicate with colleagues, editors, bosses, office boys, housekeeping in a day that it is mind-boggling to say the least! However, apart from communicating at work, I detest getting into conversations these days.

The dumb state lasted a couple of hours, but I managed to stretch it for couple of days. Imagine not having to talk to anybody…it was nirvana. I have not been smarter than this ever. I hate talking to people nowadays and the worst is to be dragged into polite conversations in the name of being civil and courteous. I am not interested in knowing where Kareena and Saif went for a holiday or the side effects of botox or the pain of having a work at home hubby.

I am a simple soul who wants to do her work and keep communication to the minimum, monosyllables if at all.
I don’t have a need to communicate anything to anybody; I want to be left alone. Period.

I knowingly did not take my medicines hoping for a relapse of the condition without the bad cough… the cough was painful, it kept me up nights…but I didn’t mind the not talking part at all… why I can’t just go to a far off place where there is no other human being for miles… I guess I am in my unsociable best these days… I just want the least possible human contact both emotionally, physically and spiritually.



Friday, June 6, 2008

Mumbai Nightlife





The other night I gave in to my friends demands and went to a nightclub much against my wishes. Not that I don’t enjoy clubbing, but I was very tired that particular day. I had a very hectic work schedule and didn’t want to go through the whole rigmarole of the clubbing culture.

Yes, it is an art (something which I have yet to master), which clubbers follow religiously. There is the right group to go with, the right clothes and accessories, the right look, the right time to reach and the right time to leave, the right drinks to order and the right moves to make. Oh the pressure of partying right!

I used to do all of the above, and I’d say I took a certain pleasure if I managed to get at least one aspect right. But alas, those heady days are gone. Nowadays I don’t find clubbing exciting…am I becoming old? Or is it a case of ‘Been there done that’?

Maybe innovation is the keyword here…if there is something new, exciting than the usual (reach, find a good spot-not too far from the bar not too near the DJ console, balance a drink in one hand, smokes and clutch in the other, air kiss friends and their stooges, shake a leg, try to give a sultry look to the hottie, manage to escape the groping of the sleazy guy, give dirty looks to the DJ when ‘tenu kala chasma’ plays, dodge all the people making a bee-line to the bar or the washroom)… phew wasn’t I supposed to enjoy my drink and the music… what about the ambience for which I have shelled out thousands … cant see it due to the smoke and the crowd. Then when you have managed to fit in the groove, the DJ announces that it is the last song of the night and the club is shutting down. Then, either we go in search of food or another nightclub which is open… the options are really limited at that time. Mostly, we head home to pass out.

Maybe the next ‘In-Thing’ in the clubbing circuit would be no crowd, no smoke, no fancy ambience, no make-up, no loud music, no expensive drinks, no closing time. It’s the time of the house party.

Or maybe, just stop partying…and just concentrate on my work…but how do I unwind… any suggestions??

Monday, May 26, 2008

Is the Big O overrated?


This should be the current question plaguing the minds of Mumbaikars rather than replacing Bombay by Mumbai or who is going to win the IPL this season.

Seriously, the pressure to experience the big O is so big that one doesn’t tend to enjoy the process of reaching there. Especially when the big O doesn’t last more than 15 sec…all this fuss for 15 sec?? C’mon gimme a break now… are you serious? 15 sec?? Well if the experts say then it must be so… but I seriously can’t take too much trouble for it…there I have said it. If that makes me an outcast, so be it, I rather join the miniscule number of people who don’t think the big O matters more than the whole journey to it. I am a firm believer of the journey being more important than the destination.

And the side stories of reaching the destination can seriously give any a sitcom run for its money. There was this bloke who was so eager that his lady love reach the destination that he kept on urging her to think about her ex if that is what made her reach there faster. Needless to say that the weirdness of the situation made the poor gal palpitate making the bloke think that the trick worked. Now he keeps on repeating the magic formula when ever things get sluggish. The poor gal’s dilemma doesn’t end there. On one hand she wanted to move on in life that was exactly the reason why she was with this bloke, but the guy was not letting her get past her memories. She ended up faking it, like always, like most of us. Some might even argue that the girl needs to be expressive and articulate her needs, but have you never heard of those breeds with selective hearing...they are called men.

Is it this pressure then that makes us fake it or is it really not worth it. How does one answer this honestly if all your skills, efforts and concentration are focused on not getting caught, when all you want is, it to end, so that you can light up and say wow, that was great! Then say a small prayer hoping that you don’t get caught. This is a tried and tested formula adopted by the sisterhood all over the world, but there is a slight catch to this formula as well. What if, an encore is requested, do you claim exhaustion (but women have more stamina, it has been proved, at least in such situations) or grin and bear it.

When can we have men that understand that the whole idea of good lovemaking is in the mind and not below the belt? Then if we do have such men around us, wouldn’t it give us sleepless nights to figure out whether we like him for his romantic illusions or for his skills under the sheets. Uff, more pressure, can we not have 2 clearly different kinds so as to make our lives easier… what’s with the demarcation …why can’t we have all of the above in one person… coz such a man is a myth. We just have to deal with it. Or explore other horizons.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

The Great Indian Nostalgia


At the creative discussion for concepts, an assistant producer claimed to successfully manage and produce a spoof show. While I was giving him gyaan oh how difficult it is to do comedy shows, I could not stop myself from thinking about "The Great Indian Comedy Show", which I had the honour of working for once. One thing led to another and after countless stories on the show I pulled out the following mail sent by Varun Grover (one of the writers and a good friend) and I thought that I should put the article here for immortality in cyber space.

So here goes, as well as successive replies & musings by the other writers...


End of an era - Varun Grover

My first impression was – It’s an arrogant show! Calling oneself ‘Great’ even before its launch was not a very Indian thing to do…a marketing ploy which read every bit American tabloid. So, almost conclusively, I thought that it’s going to bomb.

Skipped the first few weeks, more due to lack of resources (a cable connection!) than interest…but one fine day, watched something where a Shahrukh Khan kind of a guy sitting in a truck, alongside a Makrand Deshpande kind of a guy (beat that!), was shaking to the Swades song and eliciting rotten eggs, combs and other household items from Mak’s unruly hair. I was amused in an intelligent sort of a way and…the show had begun for me!

Over the next few months, the awe grew; the gags struck a regular chord and some of the standups, especially by Ranvir and Vinay sounded a welcome-bell for elitist setup-punch routines on Indian television. Kukurmati ki Kahaani, Cow-Mundas (“Meri life da horse two seater nahin, one-seater hai Shabbo” and “Howdy oye!”), Office Supplies (Kiku in drags, for the first time I guess, in what was to be a series of alternate clothing for him on the show), Ramesh and the mill-worker’s dialogues, and many more yet-unseen situations and interpretations became the hallmark of the show.

During the initial 6-months or so, it looked more like an underground show, with taboo themes, niche clientele and a wackiness of its own defining. Educated working class, the new India of Bangalore and Gurgaon was raving about it. (I doubt the Channel ever came to know of it!) It was the kind of show which gave lots to discuss over a coffee or sutta during office hour breaks and hence, in a very targeted way, it did become the ‘talk of the town’ pretty soon.

Then, sometime in July 2005, the word ‘massy’ entered our lingo. (Plain incidental – me and Rahul joined the show in July, same day as Shekhar Suman did.) Shekhar Suman tried to bridge that gap, the gap between massy and classy, and I reckon, he did a good job for some months. The gags were still not too ‘easy’ or ‘dumbed-down’ but the Standups became more ‘Hindi’. Some of the software guys in India and America (yes, the show was a big hit on American peer sites and later at youtube) felt cheated but still, the gags were a joy to watch. During this 7-month period, Mangal Pandey, Black, Dus and Tarantino’s Kill Bill were spoofed and goofed at. For a brief period, around November-December, the magic balance seemed to be close-at-hand. Diwali standup, Children’s day standup, New Year’s week special standups (with special focus on Sports, Movies, Politics and Society) complimented the gags amazingly.

Shekhar left, amidst some celebrations from some quarters (with some good reason too) but what followed was even more set-away from the original ‘target’ (or it seemed like) of the show. The Great Indian Laughter Challenge (‘Phool, jo bann gaya Angaara’) gave us a tough branding competition, and (no) thanks to its mass-approach, we were constantly losing ground since late 2005. And in February 2006, they came over.

Last one year of TGICS is really tough to document…such a turbulent phase it was. It was almost like a whole class at a college nearing its graduation. Lots of job opportunities, planning for future, students interning outside campus, Professors looking on glum, nostalgia evoking restlessness and changing schedules of classes owing to administrative confusion. The original ‘arrogant’ tint was gone. It was no more called ‘Great’ or even ‘Indian’, and it had an added sound-effect in its name. TCS - Ha Ha Ha was another attempt at bringing in those who we euphemistically call TRPs.

And surprisingly, or should I say ‘not surprisingly’, the show retained its charm, insight, and irreverent streak against the high-and-mighty all through its run. There were very few days while watching the show when being associated with it didn’t feel like a blessing. The quality provided by the production team, actors and directors makes it a genius-gone-less-noticed. Having a team of writers like RD (our KBC insider!), Mahesh, Arshad, Amit Masurkar, and Dushant and creative heads like Sailesh, Rajesh Devraj, and now Sudarshan gave the show its own course, after every course-distraction by the forces.

It does give a Gurudutt-ish pleasure to know that your masterpiece didn’t get the appreciation or ‘rockstar’ status even after surpassing the benchmark a thousand times; it does, in a twisted-intelligent kind of way, prove that you belong to that less-than-5-percent bracket of intellectuals who can laugh on themselves, their country, their society, their heroes…anybody who is fallible. But then, as the curtains fall, it does hurt too. What could have been a really GREAT INDIAN COMEDY SHOW fell just short on numbers!

Thanks for making me understand the arrogance….and thanks for making this show a memory of a lifetime.



Arshad Sayeed's Reply



vonderfully vell vritten Varun!...
Read your take and got ''pressurized' into writing something....

But seriously(if there is such a word in these Star News times), I really dont know what to write about. So many memories man!...so many..... as hilarious as the stuff on our show..and most of it came from the channel .:

Like the mail we got from the channel when we started out which said that we cannot insult Mr. George Bush because he has an 'integral association' with Rupert Murdoch who owns Star which owns us..... Basically we were told not to be Namak Haraams!

" Please Dont Spoof Mr Bachchan... (Wait a minute... he's not doing the third season of KBC??.. Damn him! ) Ya go ahead and take his pants off!! Like you do with other stars( What??..SRK is the new face??.And RD is writing???) ..except Shahrukh Khan....and Karan Johar..and Simi Garewal!!...

TV spoofs??...Sure!!!!.... Great idea!... But dont spoof any show on Star.. We dont want to make fun of our shows. And also dont spoof any show which is NOT on Star. We dont want to promote them un nessarily.. Apart from this...go and kill everything on TV! (DD Podigha anyone??)

Do not take celeb names!! They may sue us.. (A gag mentioned Kim Sharma. The EPs brought it up before Sameer Nair and just as he was being explained how its not a good thing to take the names of stars like Kim Sharma, he turned around and asked "Er...ya but...who's Kim Sharma??")

And how about this one? When I did Kukurmati...it was supposed to run five times a week.....(During our five day run).... But Ekta saw it and got offended. Result??..Paanch ke badle haftey mein teen baar.!!.... Which basically meant its ok to piss her off three times a week but not five times! Go figure. Strange are the ways of the Channel!

But guys...Despite all the battles and frustrations....and the 0.5 ratings.....(.Which basically means that India as a whole doesnt acknowledge your show...they'd rather watch Ba blow candles on her 420th birthday cake followed by a five episode arti), a channel which well....treated us as an idiot kid yelling for attention who should best be ignored (which was good) or periodicaly be shown how to grow up by the LC boys (Which was not so good).., or the whole TV industry with its comments like : Achcha hai.....Par niche hai... Massy nahin hai...madness ke badle masti hona chahiye..... (Yes KSandeep Sikand! That means you!!) , I feel we made our mark.

We've created a whole new kind of humor. Even if its the 0.5 variety. The impact has been made. And its there to be seen during coffee table conversations, ads on TV and even movies. Vinay's character in Bheja Fry was almost straight out of one our gags!...And the film is a hit!. We have made a difference and we all deserve a pat on our back for it. (Including a huge bonus cheque of fifty lakhs from Abhimanyu) .

Duniya maane ya na maane, we believe in what we've done. Guys...lets keep this brand of humor banner flying high, in whatever we do... (and hopefully some of it will we will all do together. Har raat ke baad subah types...) ....

Yes. We are amongst the Five percent Varun talks about. And to think that we will influence/change the way the remaining 95 percent thinks, is as impossible as Celina Jaitley winning a national award (This one might happen though!).... The divide will remain...we'll continue to be low raters in what we do...(All except RD who will go onto write KBC four for Hrithik!).... But do not despair!!!... Hopefully one day God will finally GET one of our gags and work a miracle and good television shall prevail!

I end with a Ghalib quote which sort of sums it up for me.

"De Aur Bhi Dil Unko.....Jo Na De Mujhko Zubaan Aur" (rather than give us more wit...give them the bloody sense to understand it!)
"Kehte Hain Ki TGICS Ka Hai (Tha?) Andaaze Bayaan Aur"

Cheers!! Keep in tuch!!...and please please please take good care of yourselves!!!

One show that I am very proud of... cant help feeling happy (being a part of it), sad (not being a part of it anymore), sorry (the show coming to an end) all at the same time. I guess this is how you define nostalgia.

Friday, May 9, 2008

And She Lived Happily Ever After



The story in this post was actually used in http://www.solitaryreaping.blogspot.com/ by a very dear friend.



I am posting it here as I think that it is my story. Thanks Ragini ;)



The story goes:Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said: 'NO!' And the girl lived happily ever after.She went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Wanted Convent educated tall, fair, slim, homely Girl.

Wanted Convent educated tall, fair, slim, homely Girl.

Every time somebody starts the topic of marriage I can’t help but remember the above headline in the matrimonial columns in every newspaper.

I dread the day when I will be reduced to such a headline…the possibilities are enormous and I say a small prayer every morning when I read the classifieds and don’t see my name or description featured in it.

It’s become a daily battle now to avoid the topic of marriage. Invariable someone or the other brings up the topic and everybody deems me the unfortunate victim, someone who has been passed on and will never know the pleasure of married life. In the same sentence they will crib about their own spouse or married life, but hey that’s another topic, they say.

From relatives and friends with whom I have not spoken to over a decade, all have the same concern or wish… to see me married. So that they can all say in chorus “Another one bites the dust”. It’s as if all the married people in the world are raging a silent war against the single population and they will not rest unless we join the fraternity, unless we pledge alliance to the secret society of unrealized expectations and everlasting nagging.

Why cant they leave me alone, I am big enough to decide whether to tie the knot or not. My Mom has a rejoinder to this “you will always be a kid for us”. I have a counter argument for this “then let me be a kid, why are you trying to get me married, it will amount to child marriage and the laws are against this”. But it doesn’t work with her.

Now my friends have taken a different approach. One wants me to jot down the qualities that I need in my man so that she can go about looking for one. I understand that in the globalized country of ours, it’s easy to find everything under one roof (read shopping mall), but isn’t this taking it too far. But she insists on the list, blissfully enjoying her newly wed status.

Well, Mousumi, I have never refused you…so here is the list.

1. Wit
2. Looks
3. Money
4. Career
5. Body (6 packs are a must…if SRK has it, I want it)
6. Guy should own orange pajamas (kinky pleasureJ)
7. Have a political opinion (if it matches mine, that’s great…but even if it doesn’t-no problem, but should have one… most people I meet don’t have any political opinion of their own, they echo what their peers or family says)
8. Read books…fiction (so that I can borrow and gift him some…it’s the best gift idea!)
9. Watch movies with the same passion as me (here the tastes have to match mine…can’t be with somebody who didn’t think No Smoking was not a great movie.)
10. Enjoy animated stuff with as much passion as me especially Shrek series.
11. Is a foodie, someone who lives to eat and is adventurous with food, since I also need a guinea pig for my cooking experiments
12. Has a passion for travel…andamans, north east, backwaters, ladakh, rajasthan, macchu pichhu, etc
13. Has the time and money to go on such trips with me
14. Should be in love with both the sea and the mountains
15. Should not like Madhuri, Aishwariya and Kareena (cant stand them)
16. Should have a flair for making inane conversations complete with sound effect and animated actions
17. Should understand my jokes
18. Should have Carpe Diem as his philosophy or at least understand the same.
19. Should not be protective or possessive about me
20. Should not talk to me for more than 2 hours in a day
21. Should not be messy
22. Should not throw things on the road
23. Should not encourage beggars
24. Should not avoid embarrassing friends after getting drunk
25. Should not be sober all the time
26. Should not be a drunk all the time
27. Should have tried on various things at least once in life like bhang, grass, etc.
28. Should actually enjoy good alcohol and not be a social drinker only
29. Should have pet peeves
30. Should be independent
31. Should not be mama’s boy
32. Should have loads of friends and actually enjoy being with them
33. Should have at least one major relationship (takes the pressure off me)
34. Should know how to jive (so that I can also shake a leg)
35. Should be active (one lazybones is enough, read me)
36. Should be practical
37. Should be impractical
38. Should be romantic without being mushy
39. Should be metrosexual (getting regular manicure, pedicure and facials is not a bad thing but not more than me)
40. Should love my friends (all of them without exception, even the weird ones)
41. Should give a patient hearing to my all my ideas however weird they may be.
42. Should be willing to be part of my hare brained enterprises
43. Should manage to surprise me
44. Should manage to scare me (few people can do this… this will be a sure fire way to get my attention)
45. Should be willing to yell at me once in a while (again very few people can yell at me)
46. Should be able to be a bigger nautanki than me
47. Should be able to spend time with me without talking
48. Should be able to understand my moods
49. Should be able to understand how much he means to me without me ever saying it
50. Should be a mix of Chandler and Joey (from Friends), Pierce Brosnan (Remington Steele) and Johnny Depp (Chocolat)

There, are you happy now, I have listed down some of the most important points… will keep on adding on to it but I honestly don’t believe that you can go shopping with this list.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Identity Crisis

I want to be known as a person first and a woman later… is this too much to ask or is this too weird a thought?? I don’t have an answer for this…but this question has been playing on my mind ever since a friend confided in me that he would not have spoken to me if I was not a woman, didn’t have dimples and was not single (needless to say that this friend was a guy).

This left me wondering, do we make friendships on the basis of looks only or does the whole package ever count. I went back to my first friend… Mousumi … I remember how I had met her … I was in Prep class and I didn’t have any friends… I used to hang out with my sister and her friends who were 2 years my seniors. They didn’t want me to tag alone as they were seniors and it didn’t do good to their image to be seen with a Junior… so I had started staying away from them instead of putting my sister in a tight spot of choosing over family and friends (she would have chosen me any day...but I would not have the pity, egoistical that I was even at that age).
Anyways I was having lunch all by myself and looking quite lost (btw the looking lost is a permanent expression on my face… not b’coz I am lost but I am wooden and the childhood expression has stuck) when Mousumi struts along and says hi, and asks me if I want to play hopscotch with her (we used to call it KhitKhit). She was not the first person to ask me to join her in some game, but the way she asked me with that smile and that casual way as if it is something she does everyday at the same time with a desperate look that if I refuse, she will be heartbroken was what caught my attention and I have stuck with her ever since. In those days friendship was not about dimples or single status, it was simple need for a friend. We never analyzed why we liked somebody, we just did. In fact, all the above reasoning that I gave for liking Mousumi was as an afterthought in my adult days….how can you expect a 6 year old to read so much into another persons mind…maybe you can, maybe it’s a 6 year olds intuition, maybe it was divine intervention or just plain luck. I don’t know, but the fact remains that we are still very close friends and share our lives with each other. And it helped that at that age I didn’t differentiate between person and woman.

But coming back to the current identity crisis…am I woman first and then a person or a person first and then a woman. Why was I so offended? In this day and age when size zero is the norm and botox enhanced features is the rage, why would I feel offended when someone compliments me on my look. Am I trying to pretend to be someone else, coz I do appreciate any compliments that come my way.

But at the same time, I would like the other person to notice my other attributes namely my thoughts and ideas about certain issues which have nothing to do with the way I look but may have contributed to the person I am. Does this mean that I owe an apology to the person who dared to befriend me on the basis of my dimples? I don’t know, I honestly don’t.

I do acknowledge the fact that I also have a certain filters when I meet somebody that helps me decide whether I would like to meet that person again and a small percentage of it is based on looks. But I would never say that I cultivated a friendship on the basis of looks only. Is this hypocrisy? Aren’t we all looking for an identity that would define us and bring meaning to our lives, so that we can be all labeled, tagged and put up on shelves for our future generations to ‘identify’ us from the rest of the horde? Well, I rather choose dimpled identity over a labeled tag. Major, I owe you an apology.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Kicking the bucket

No no …don’t worry I don’t plan to kill myself… not yet atleast… kicking the bucket is literally kicking the bucket (list) that I made years ago… I haven’t achieved 80 % of the things that I’d listed down… why, beats me… I don’t understand it myself… but it has gotten me depressed…so much so that I have decided to get rid of the bucket altogether… na rahega balti na hogi depression… but alas I cant seem to kick the bucket off… I really want to do all them…but where when how with whom (!!) is a question that I have no answers to…sigh!

Well I can atleast share the list …

1. bungee jumping
2. sailing
3. skiing
4. Skating a bit better than a first timer.
5. firing a rocket launcher
6. owning a gun…hey I’m a single woman, its for protection
7. exercising every day
8. swimming 3 times a week
9. playing a sport – basketball, volleyball, etc
10. Learning how to play TT, Pool.
11. getting 6 packs … this was way before srk made it famous
12. buying a suv
13. having a house of my own
14. Having a bank balance (no, 2k doesn’t count… btw that’s my current balance… I’ve working since the past 8 years, wat did I do with all the supposedly hard earned money??)
15. Heading a network
16. Traveling… I still have not been to the north east, srinagar, ladakh, andamans, jodhpur, jaisalmer, backwaters, Japan, Fiji Islands, Australia, Antarctica, Egypt, Berlin, Moscow, etc
17. Making perfect round chapattis
18. Jiving
19. Playing the drums
20. Visiting Macchu Picchu with my boyfriend
21. Boyfriend??!!
22. Being nice to my sis
23. Being there for my parents
24. Talking to my bro without bullying him
25. Cooking for my parents, sis, extended family
26. Going on a trip/picnic with my family…never enjoyed the trips when I was young… hope that this time it will be fun
27. Visiting all my friends who have been married (all) and I haven’t met them for more than 6 months
28. Buying myself some decent clothes… can’t live in jeans forever, now…and while am at it some decent shoes.
29. Not losing focus
30. Not losing patience when people talk…why can’t everyone be concise and to the point?

Well can I remain at the same age till the next 5 years… take an annual leap every 5 years like all the saas-bahu soaps so that I have more time to do all these... help, plz.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Grass is greener on the other side.

Grass is greener on the other side.

The other day I was chatting with a friend who also happens to be a Major in the Indian army. It was more of a pep talk and agony aunt kind of conversation... he was really dejected with the way the army was treating him. He said that neither was the organization paying him at par with other industries, nor giving him a real posting in siachen but was making him do some exercises in some situation which he felt were not productive enough and on top of it the armed forces were being compared to the civil servants, paper pushers at the most.
That conversation made me very restless and i started thinking (one of the rarer phenomenons in this world) about why Major Saab thought the way he did. If the person responsible for my security has self doubts then I need to be very worried. And on top of that, I saw a story on Times Now that 25 out of every 32 army personnel are deserting the organization. Is this something to lose sleep over, coz i definitely did and am still disturbed. What is the solution for this?
It is a fact that the 6th pay commission has increased the pay packages of the armed forces by 33 percentage excluding allowances. Now lets play devils advocate with whatever little information that I have.

a) Armed forces get 60 days of leave as compared to the corporate sector which get around 30 days of leave per annum.
b) Armed forces get medical facilities for their entire family unlike the corporate sector.
c) Armed forces get subsidized FMCG products and liquor unlike their corporate counterparts.
d) Armed forces can easily avail loans than their corporate counterparts.
e) The kids of armed forces can get admitted in sainik schools unlike civilians who have to pay huge amounts of donations.
f) And to top it all, the armed forces are the least corrupt organization as compared to the civil sector
g) Last but not the least, the respect & charisma that the armed forces command in their uniform can be rivaled only by poster boys like John Abraham.

So why the dissatisfaction?? Is it something to do with the idle mind being the devil's workshop... earlier we had battles to fight and were busy, now with all the free time (yes there is a major counter insurgency operation and fire fighting against natural calamities which are increasing... but that is a separate story)

Or is it the media who is responsible for highlighting the achievements of the corporate sector with reports of starting salaries of IIM grads and/or the the exploits of the Ambani Brothers. It is bound to get in dissatisfaction.

At the same time, comparison with IAS officers who generally do not have threat to their lives (unless they are in some scam and run the risk of being lynched by the public, media or their counterparts) rankles a lot with the men in uniform.

The solution for this is two fold-- one explaining to these rough n tough guys that the grass is greener on the other side... yes it is... i would gladly risk being shot by Pakistani Soldiers than listen to mindless news stories of Naag-Nagin frolicking somewhere (I work for a news channel...hence listening to such stories is part of my job profile... I wish I could switch off the TV). The other solution albeit a bit ambitious is to get a petition and formally make an official protest/complaint against the authorities.

The thought of donating a part of my salary to the army welfare did come to my mind, but better sense has prevailed and I have decided against it. Reasons for not being on their side... I think army people have an easy life... They are waited hand & foot by their orderlies/batman during peace posting. Since, they have field postings every 3 years, in some godforsaken place, they don't have to maintain a lifestyle that we have to. And the biggest factor, they don't have to buy clothes every fortnight, they have uniforms...I waste 10 min every morning deciding what to wear....its a criminal waste of time, considering that I don't end up looking great like the model advertising the same clothes which is why I bought them in the first place... And then, the subsidized liquor rates... why do I have to pay for double the market rate, plus service tax, plus leave a tip, not to mention that whenever I go to a pub, its always with a friend whose tab I'm obliged to pick up... give me army mess any day...hic!

Well, even though I have filled reams of paper against these poor men in uniforms, I know that deep down that they deserve more. They are risking their lives for us so that we can crib about subsidized alcohol and agonize over our clothes. They spend nights waiting in extreme conditions without proper equipment or clothes. Is this why we pay taxes so that the government spends it in throwing stones at each other during assembly sessions.... I am a firm believer of the fact that the government has enough funds to run this country but has dimwits who siphon off the same.

Aarrggghhh... I have lost the thread of what i started out to say... the bottom line is that lets all be honest and sincere in our work ... and follow the sayings of the Gita... Kaam Kar par Phal ke icchah mat rak... in essence one should do one's duties in life as per his/her dharma, or duty, without concern of results. And let their be free flowing alcohol (subsidized or otherwise) to enable this without any hiccups...hic!