Voices In My Head

I like people. Sometimes. Other times, I really do not care. But I care about voicing my thoughts about them. Call me judgmental. I don’t care.

I don’t really voice my thoughts to them verbally, I try to express through my blank expression. That must say a million things to them.

Dalhi dude with dole shole, tight V-necked T-shirt - "Nice cleavage" 

Uncleji who just won’t stop talking to his family back in gujjuland – “kem cho?”

The guy who insists on walking at the same pace as me – “I got pepper spray!”

The corporate dude – “At least changes your shoes, don’t want to damage your Oliver Sweeney’s do you?”

The corporate dudette – “Talking work on your phone wont burn the fat”

To the group of Auntyjis walking in a single file – “There are benches, really, you can sit & chat”

To the bunch of college kids – “Keep. To. The. Left”

Couple making out – “    “

MNS guy – “malla marathi maithnahi” (I know he is MNS guy, as he keeps on referring to some Mansa Meeting on the phone”

Page 3 Auntyji in tight track pants & t-shit stretched over extra special love handles – ‘oops, camel feet!”

The grandpa who runs – “how do you do it?”

Obese teen 1– “My grandma walks faster than you”

Obese teen 2 – “you are never going to lose any fat just by doing half a round”

Dad with Kid running amok – “control your kid, I almost tripped over it”

Dude with loud music - 'Can you really hear it when your heart rate is 170 and the blood is pumping in your ears"

Animal lover feeding strays – ‘get some friends’

The stray – ‘bite him, please’

The showoff on the fire poi – ‘ever heard of Entertainment Ke Liye Kuch Bhi Karega?”

The color-coordinated earring, head band, wrist band & hot shots struggling actor – ‘yeah, casting happens on the jogging track!”

The health freak with the bottle of Gatorade – ‘Uff, too much!”

Guy expat with girl expat – “recession, huh?”

Kid on skates – ‘Wonder if I can still do that”

Hot girl jiggling away on the jogging track – “Wear a dark colored t-shirt. And a sports bra”

Maybe I should just whisper these to them. Or write a chit and throw it at them while passing by. Maybe I should change my timing or route. Or just tune out these voices in my head and focus. 

Leaving Mumbai

I always thought it was easy to leave or enter a city. One doesn't need a visa! Starting a life or a new beginning should not be dependent on a geographical location.

I have been living in Mumbai for the past 10 years and although it's not a lot of time to have discovered or familiarized with every nook and corner of the this metropolis, I did manage to find zones where I liked to hang out or identify with. I did make few friends with whom to share my moments with. Although the primary reason of living in Mumbai was not any great love for the culture of the city or the thrill of living in one of the fastest growing cities in India, it was merely the job opportunities.

When I wanted to leave this city which had been my home for the last decade, I realized it wasn't as easy to say bye as it was easy to arrive with dreams in ones eyes and a heart full of optimisim. Over the years I had grown roots in the form of doctors whose replacement had to be found, banks which needed letters of transfers, insurance which needed insane amount of paperwork than the time of purchasing, disposal of furniture, packing of knick-knacks that had been accumulated over the years.

How had a city become such an important part of my routine? The ease of commuting, the local watering hole which welcomed me like a long lost friend, the traffic jams which let me catch up with friends on the phone while waiting for the signal to turn green, the convenience of home delivery of a variety of things, to the impromptu UNO matches to the late night movie fests.

Are these activities exclusive to Mumbai only? can they not be done anywhere else? I guess this is what both the city and me have to discover. Will Mumbai retain its charm over me or will I find a new beginning?

Tips to Prevent Rapes: Government

 For Men

1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks
2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone
3. If you decide to help a woman in distress remember not to rape her
4. Never creep into a woman’s house through an unlocked door/window or sneak up behind her or rape her
5. If you are unable to stop yourself, ask a friend to always be around you and to alert the cops if needed
6. Don’t have sex with anyone who is asleep or unconscious – if it is not consensual its rape
7. If a woman looks at you, get out of her sight. It is not an invitation. You might be tempted later to rape her.
8. Drop all kinky ideas. You can’t justify rape as surprise sex.
9. Find innovative new ways to keep yourselves occupied like reading or community service.
10. Don’t ever eat Chowmein, especially before a date

For Women

1. Don’t step out of the house after dark
2. Actually don’t step out of the house at all
3. Don’t go to parties at locations further than 1 km from your house
4. If you do, then make sure that no men are present in the party or in within 1 km radius of the party destination
5. Don’t ask the cops, watchman, step father, brother, etc for help. They might just rape you instead.
6. Don’t eat Chowmein. Ever
7. Don’t show any skin, even the Burkha’s shouldn’t have eye holes
8. Get married before you attain puberty
9. Actually get married the minute you are born. We don’t acknowledge marital rape as an offense.
10. Don’t get born as a woman

(With inputs from Ayush Mishra)

Do Rapists really Exist?

For Representational purpose only, NOT profiling this person as a typical rapist. Image picked up from google.

1. The constitution doesn’t acknowledge them… as there have hardly been any convictions, so they don’t legally exist in our country.

2. They come in all sizes and shapes – nobody knows how they look like. How will you warn her/anyone against them?

3. They can manifest themselves as friends, family and your friendly neighborhood watchman too … people you are supposed to trust. Just becomes too difficult to explain, right?

4. You cannot provide any do’s and don’ts for your daughter – if you wear only sacks, don’t step out of the house ever, don’t talk to anyone, etc doesn’t hold.

5. There will be no mass movement against rapists in this country… its just not a election worthy issue or more than 2 days media worthy news.

6. There will be no harsh punishment for rapists… as it’s never the fault of the rapist. You must have been ‘asking for it’.

7. As a woman, you are just a statistic while a Rapist is a protected species (by the law/government)

Last Note:

Do I even want to say something before I leave? Why should I? Nobody wanted to hear me when I wanted to talk… now I don’t care if somebody hears or not…yet I write. Maybe some silly romantic notion that some day someone will want to know why I chose to move on.

Although wont it be better to offer no explanation? Let those buggers figure out what drove a seemingly harmless 33 year old to such extreme measures. 33, the magical age where the most talented, departed from the worldly pleasures to an unknown place. Is it the age … has to be…as it definitely can’t be talent…not the ones that you have been used to, don’t want Jesus, Alexander to turn in their graves hearing my whining. The most obvious reason that they would come up with is stress… some gyan giving know it all will say “she couldn’t take it, the stress got to her”. Old friends will say “she should have atleast called us”…really do you guys ever called me? Well, honestly some of you did share stories about your life, your kids, spouses, work and it bored the hell out of me.

Most people who decide to end it all, are termed cowards, there is even a law terming suicide illegal. Many think it’s an escape from a sad life. There are medical terms like clinical depression and shit which always precedes conversation around the same. But can’t it be plain boredom? Yes there is a certain amount of sadness somewhere, but it’s no bigger than most people. Hey, there are people who slog their asses over 40 rupees just to spend it all on local hooch and sleep on the pavement. Can it be sadder than their life? Yeah yeah, it’s sad and very touching…but do I really care… do I have empathy, no…do I have the brains of a Zuckerberg…no, do I have the grit of a Phelps…no, do I have the gumption of a Kardashian…hell no!

If I share this with anyone, I will get a few pep talks, some attention for a few days, my social life will improve for a couple of days…hell I might even get a vacation without my bosses raising an eyebrow…but then it will all be back to the same old story. Then in a few months more, if I do this again, I will be referred to some doctor or new age holistic healer.

In the meanwhile I will desperately wait for some stupid made up sign, trying to figure out some pattern between a loved one and the most terrible phase of self loathing to draw some connection of hope, of a reason to endure on, of a meaning to this extremely mundane thing called life. A point will reach when even these little mind games with self wont matter. The phase of filling up the void with material things, religion, sex, philosophy, new experiences are long gone.

The thought of drawing inspiration from other people, events just seems so flaky… why can’t anyone accept that the shelf life is over...in this supermarket… I have no problems in moving to a new market… a new space… a new environment.

It is like this cruel game of UNO where there are just 2 players who have swapped their cards so that each of them knows the others hand but the game still doesn’t end. But by some irrational code of conduct, you just can’t fling your cards and move on to a new set or even a new game. You have to play till the end. Why?

Well, if you really want to you can… who is stopping you? Maybe you are greedy…maybe you want to have a last laugh… maybe you want some sadistic pleasure in seeing the person who finds it unable to react in the ‘appropriate way’. There is no appropriate way I guess…what would I do if I get this kind of a note… I don’t know… maybe I will rush to the person… and promise to be there throughout and slowly forget it and get caught up in my own life.

Because, the nature of this life is selfishness… you enjoy all the great things and worst things alone. Each person has a purpose to be here, exist, go through some fixed notions and then move on. Why is moving on such a big deal then? Why can’t I move on? What is holding me back? Haven’t I served my purpose… what was it anyways? If I can’t remember, it can’t be that important and if the purpose hasn’t been fulfilled yet, then sorry it won’t be ever.

No do not argue, that the purpose will be revealed once you are ready and till then one must have patience… one must have maturity… blah blah…exactly. I do not give two hoots to your goddamn purpose or patience or maturity… I will take matters into my own hands now. I will force your hand now… do your best… as from now onwards I will do my worse.