Lady of Justice demands a New Sword, says it’s rusted like all Verdicts

Mumbai, 26th Nov 2010

In an interview statement, the lady of justice most commonly referred to as Insaaf ki Devi (not to be confused with Rakhi Sawant and her brand of potent insaaf), has demanded a New Sword before she can deliver more verdicts. Citing the accumulated rust on the sword as the chief reason for the delay in justice, she also claims that while the sword is being procured, we might as well get her a new pair of scales and a blindfold.

Explaining the significance of the scales, blindfold and the sword to a hyper television journalist, the lady of justice lost her cool and almost raised the sword at the hyper journalist.

Ram Mohan, who had been following up on the lady of justice’s demands for the last month or half was shocked when the lady raised the selfsame sword at him. “I was just asking how the rusted sword and verdict were co-related when she threatened me” wailed Ram Mohan, clutching his pounding heart.

Later, to clarify that she did not take the law in her own hands, the lady of justice explained the rationale behind her out of character actions in an exclusive interview, “The nerve of that journalist to ask me the co-relation between my sword and verdict?? Next he will be asking the significance of the blindfold. I did what I did to protect my integrity. If he doesn’t know the reason of such simple things that we are taught in schools, he shouldn’t be a journalist at all. Everyone knows that the blindfold is to be impartial while delivering the verdict. The scales are to weigh all the evidence thoroughly and the sword means decisiveness. Court proceedings should not take months or years.”

Explaining how the rusted sword was being a hindrance to justice, she appealed to the Instant Insaaf team to buy her a new sword as she was tired of hearing justice denied is justice delayed slogans every time some group or the other woke up.

Lamenting that the cost of a new sword just is much lower that the cost of maintain lengthy records over so many years, the lady of justice suggested that if she was given a brand new sword every year, she would be able to dispense justice much quickly and prevent repeated appeals to higher courts as a delay tactic used by many to avoid prison or death penalty.

In other unrelated news, Ajmal Kasab has asked for a brand new shirt saying that he deserves one on the anniversary of his career high.

The Big Fat Bump

There it was looking content with its own exalted state, that big fat lump. It thought back to its inception a few seconds back and how it saw the universe through strands of graying hair. Strange as it may seem, it knew its shelf life was limited so it hurried to take in the beauty of the whole world in its limited time.
The faint groans and moans were slowly dying a natural death while this new life was breathing in its first few breaths of adulterated fresh air with a few choicest words thrown in …enough to immediately transform the newly born to an awkward teen in a matter of minutes.
With sudden growth came sudden pain… the freezing pain of a ice being slammed down… stunting its growth… the cold freezing its very existence… it tried to find a corner, an inch from where it could spring forth and escape the cold sting of death….but it was getting flattened down by its own destiny.
It struggled to keep its head up the icy chill…maybe it was time to invoke the secret weapon, maybe it was time to give it a last push…maybe it was its last chance…but push it did…and the fine skin of membrane between its vital fluids and the gray tresses were ruptured…the fluids gushed out with a vengeance but the cold also blew in with a icy resolve. It was the battle of a lifetime…a mere 30 sec life but life it was and it was not going to give in so easily.
As it saw the last drops of its life giving fluid being wiped clean in an antiseptic wipe, it knew that the end was near, that it was time to bid farewell to this wonderful and scary world where the survival was for the fittest. But it resolved to give a little memento …something to remember it by …it left open the womb as a gushing wound for all to see.

Selfish Little

In a country like India were poverty is always on the rise it hurts to see so much of food grain rot in the rains.
You know what... read it in the papers this morning ....makes me wonder why nobody is giving any importance to it... Jessica Lall was murdered and thousands of people who were not affected by her murder directly stayed up all night and lit candles and it felt good to see so many of us mobilizing towards the greater good of the society....but it’s the same janta which is least bothered with all these food grains rotting away....something which affects us directly....will it take a murder of a beautiful lady for us to start a movement again?? Why can’t all of us FB empowered netizens start something a little more worthwhile instead of self indulgent status messages...can we??
But what can we exactly do?? Start another Candle Lit March towards the gateway? Or start a Pink Chaddi campaign?
Well, since I am like the rest of the population who likes armchair theories and couch preaching as well… and don’t have a cause in which I believe in … I can jot down few steps
Option 1:
We all can start a long discussion and hope that it generates enough buzz to come to the notice of sensible and self motivated people who will actually do something about it
Our Fyada: - we will feel good about one little thing and if this movement gains importance we can brag about it to our grandkids someday
Option 2:
We all start a long discussion and urge people to take out some time from their busy and hectic life to start a letter addressed to Ashok Gulati, Director, FCI, who says that "The total storage capacity is 28 million tonnes ... this leads to losses of 10 – 15 per cent. Translate this into value... that is 6 million tonnes of grains damaged, unfit for human consumption ... it amounts to Rs 8,000 to Rs 10,000 crores annually." We mark a copy to the Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh, Minister of Agriculture and Minister of Consumer Affairs, Food & Public Distribution Mr. Sharad Pawar, Minister of Home Affairs Mr. P. Chidambaram. The creative ones amongst us can put together a nice power point presentation and the hard working sincere types can research the facts and figures for it. The enterprising ones can follow up with the above mentioned people to see whether they have read said draft. The ones in media can slyly slip a draft into the editorial meeting and the ad guys can maybe take a dig or so in one their copies.
Our Fyada: Since we are using our core competencies and not leaving our armchairs, we can chat with our friends while doing this. Also, we can splurge on dal and rice and not eat spend agonizing hours wondering what to order for lunch which is healthy, tasty and doesn’t pinch the pockets also… we are after all saving up for that Jimmy Choos and that Tag Heuer. It’s still an inspiring story for the grandkids (kids will listen to anything).
So what will we choose?

GERM OF AN IDEA

As kids, we were all told to stop dreaming and start studying, then when we grew up a bit we were again told to stop dreaming and start slogging at work, then came Christopher Nolan who made a whole 148 min film about how dreaming can be a career option for the new age moviegoer.
I’m not a critic, won’t get into the whole technique, style, content, original or inspired mode… this movie is an original in the sense that it picks up a basic fact that we all know (that dreams can be as real as we want them to be) and added so many layers to it that I’d doubt if anybody in the audience could not relate to it.
Yes, like the matrix it went into an alternate reality where one can feel pain (since pain is in the mind and it is the mind which dreams) but the depiction of the whole realm of reality was a masterpiece.
Movies like Inception, Matrix, A Clockwork Orange and No Smoking which question the basic premise of our existence and throw up new ways in how we have perceived reality are always on my Top 10 list
How many time have we dreamt that we win that inter school sprint to impress the new English teacher or flew to office to be on time for that important presentation or have that witty comeback to the hot guy at the bar….weren’t we all heroes in our own dreams playing out in the labyrinth of our minds like a cinemascope Bollywood feature.
In fact I wrote this post immediately after I saw the movie …on my way back home, I whipped up my Mac book and while I was typing, the words literally flew from my fingertips and arranged themselves on the screen, I also detected a faint whiff of smoke when the typing was happening faster than the speed of light. The sidewalks had shed their shabby, muddy and desolate look and wore a happy Grecian architecture with fancy cars zooming past me. The cat atop of the tallest building noticed my typing and was impressed; she let out a faint meow. Exactly 10 sec after uploading this post, I got 19,275,499 hits on my blog and approximately 9,495, 142 calls from various film critics asking if they can use my post as their review. Then the auto reached by humble studio apartment and I got the ‘kick’ in the form of the revised night fare.
Somehow, I wasn’t sure whether I ‘had’ seen the movie or dreamt it all up! But I do remember paying for the tickets!

My Friends turned me into a RACIST

Yes they did, I am a firm believer of the equality of all mankind…. But I didn’t expect them to twist that very word and make womankind as the exception.
As usual it all happened during the dimly lit, noisy and crowded space of the haven of all things Bacchus and bohemian. The idea was to include the pretty young cousin of our pretty young friend (Ok not so young)…. But the lack of interesting conversation points and the urge to impress the ladies resulted in the age old battle of races.
Many times I have wondered why the common man gets bullied by the ruling class into a war among the races…why can’t we decide for ourselves that these so called differences based on color, caste and creed do not matter in today’s time (maybe did not matter in earlier times also)…why do we get swayed so easily when we listen to high pitched opinions of clueless politicians who are firm believers of the East India company’s “DIVIDE & RULE”. Why we, who are educated and fancy free can’t shake off the shackles of race … why we succumb every time to the call of the racial color.
Seeing one of the pretty young things try to assert her independence by defending her race amongst the juvenile barbs of the rest of the motley crew … by seeing the slight flare of her nostrils every time a joke featuring camels, horses or sand dunes were cracked, I suddenly realized that this is how it must have started eons ago… a friendly bullying due to lack of conversation topics must have created the first rift… and although it was irresistible for me NOT to join in the friendly bashing of a culture not so alien to mine… I was not averse to it either.
And hence I became a RACIST!
But who won the battle of races on our table… well since the Rajputs were outnumbered by the coalition of the East Indian, Parsis and people of mixed breed origin (all minorities) …can I take credit (being a warrior tribal from the some jungles of Assam …or so I would like to believe) I think I can be termed an aborigine and claim first right to the motherland. Hey while I am at it, I want a separate state and my own helipad…what I will have to start a war for this… I can’t just claim it as my birthright?? Says who?? …those annoying Kashmiris, Punjabis, Haryanvis, Rajputs, Gujjus, Marathis, Kanndadigas, Tamilians, Mallus, Telegus, Oriyas, Bongs, Bhaiyas, Biharis, Pahadis, Chinkies…and counting
P.S – What do you call a Parsi Pimp? ….Nari Contracter!