Carpe Diem

When Enough is Enough!

2012-02-13T00:04:00.001+05:30

Overloaded bag, that last piece of curly fries, that ample swig of rum, the over adequate sounds of pity, the myriad questions, the copious amounts of tobacco, the abundance of nonsense...when is it ever enough?

How do you know its enough?

How many times will you scream your guts out that its the last time but go back to the same thing again and again, like some unstoppable force was pulling you... like you were on auto mode, a helpless puppet of your own desires, insecurities, fears, the reservations about your self, reaching that pinnacle from where there is no return... longing for a finality that should come, has to come, but somehow always gets delayed, gets ripped in one single corner, tucked far away from consciousness. A part which hardly matters at the moment but exists for all purposes to remind you that, a little sliver of it has seeped back to where it was... where it always will be...a memory of that initial theorem.

The basis of choice, made in haste, frustration, despair but always weaker than that eternal damnation...'Hope'. How does it manage to sneak back in is beyond comprehension but once in, it grows like cancer, becoming bigger and bigger until you scream out again "Enough is Enough" hoping that this time its the last.

Deep down, I know the answer is 'Never' but still the heart hopes. Sigh!

Fake Smruti :Fake Speech : Free Thought

2012-01-26T13:44:00.000+05:30

I have no ideas...I have no passion... I have no inspiration....otherwise how do you explain my cyber silence? Is social media eating into my expressions? Am I slowly losing my voice by voicing my thoughts in 140 characters?

I would like to believe that I am so hard pressed for time what with work, old monk, the occasional socializing that I have no energy to scribble something here... but the real story is much more disturbing.

I have become a 'pleaser' from a 'dont care'er and I am always trying to please somebody or the other...so if I write about the romantic illusions of somebody I know I realize that the person is going to get offended or if I write about a book on a nice Wednesday afternoon, another friendly soul

would not take it lightly...so how would I please anyone?

Maybe I could use an alias and draw parallels that are so complicated that nobody gets it....but then what is the point if nobody gets it? Why is free speech so difficult? Isnt it supposed to be freely available?

Not in Mr Rushdie's world....and neither in mine. Sigh.

Maybe I will be tweet under a different handle "fakesmruti" and say what I really want to say...but there is another problem there...will 'fakesmruti' be like the real Smruti? Then she should have the same issues? so 'fakesmruti' will have to create another handle 'fakefakesmruti' ...but then the problem would get compounded... imagine a world of fakesmruti's!! As if one Smruti wasnt enough....maybe its easier to bottle up all the thoughts and pass them through some thoughtcast to a universe its stored for eternity. Where can I find such an universe? Is it google/youtube?

State of Mind

2011-10-03T05:12:00.000+05:30

Irritated. Tired. Cranky. Sad. Empty. Dead. Charged Up. Rebellious. Wish there was a gun to shoot everyone. Wish I was all alone. Wish I was far from civilization. Wish Mom was here. Need a hug. Hungry. Thirsty. Thirsty for rum. Especially Old Monk. Miss Totos. Miss friends. Want no human interaction. Want a home. Need to pack. Have to shift. Have to find a house. Have to make a home. Tired eyes. Up for 20 hours straight. Need more energy. Why is there a mosquito buzzing around? Craving Blueberry Cheesecake. Havent baked for a long time. Cooking is therapeutic. Sleep deprived. Fondly remember the glow in the dark starry bedsheets. Unstable. Meditation. Superpower. Force. John Abraham. Lust. Bicep. Exercise. Boot Camp. Old age. Retirement. Bucket List. Paragliding. Macchu Picchu. Road not taken. Nostalgia. Books. Prized possessions. Alternate world. Escape reality. Reality TV. Bigg Boss. Work. Edit. Crunch. Walls. House. Brokers. Communication. Writing. Blog. Book. Characters. Sabina. Unbearable lightness of being. Coincidences. Bigger Picture. Future. Long wait. Tough. Filmy Dialogues. Kishore Kumar. Music. Silence. Calmness. White. Peace. Words. Life. Death. The End

3rd time lucky?

2011-07-13T20:44:00.000+05:30

So this is the 3rd blast in Mumbai which has happened near me… and when I say near I mean near… the first (7/11) where 7 serial blasts send shockwaves across the country….it happened when I took the train home… had left early from work….I had to walk home cursing everybody not knowing what was going on. The next day there were slogans on ‘the spirit of mumbai’. Memories of human sea and panic have added to my claustrophobia.

Next was the 26/11, where the hostage saga carried on for 54 hours … I was shooting in the same locations for a channel id and had unfortunately packed up on time and had just left when we got the call. Memories of widespread media panic-mileage-hype added to my disgust.

The third time is today, 13/7 where 3 blasts again sent the media hype to a zenith. This time my office was nearby the site and yet again this was a day I had chosen to step out from work early. Wonder what memories will plague me this time?

Moral of the story – don’t leave work early, coz I may not be lucky the next time.

A new parenting technique which may evolve to a new career option!

2011-06-05T16:53:00.002+05:30

Gone are the days of “mera beta engineer ya doctor bannega”. Now all that hyperventilating dads and shrieky moms want, is a child who can throw a tantrum and refuse to sallow a morsel for 3-4 hours even at the cost of turning blue in the face.
Most of the old timers are aghast at this new parenting technique and these new age parents who are fighting the Sharmaji and Guptaji’s in a race to clock the most their child is deprived of food are secretly plotting their climb to fame.
When contacted by eager journos, Gulabo Devi, a resident of Haryana said that she was forced to starve her son due to the acute poverty they faced but being the people of the soil; his son battled it out against malnourishment and hopefully against corruption someday. She seemed apologetic that she chooses her husband over her son. Between silent sobs, she concludes that “kya karen tau, aurat ki zindagi ek sangharsh howe”. Her son has now grown to be a successful ‘Professional Hunger Striker’ and is currently eyeing a piece of the political pie.
Moving from the hinterland to the mainland of corruption though is another story where choices of starvation are self inflicted along with choices of bulimia and anorexia. Mrs Anchal (it is fashionable to drop the surname these days) claims that it was a tough task for her to hide all the snacks and tidbits especially the cereal boxes from her tiny tot. “He has the nose of a blood hound, he can smell food from a mile away!” exclaimed Mrs Anchal while describing the tough times she had to undergo while training her son Ram to stay away from food. She describes that if she wouldn’t have been tough then, her teenaged son would not have made a successful career of a professional ‘Hunger Striker’ that is so in vogue these days.
Currently Ram is part of an NGO (ashram as it is lovingly called by all and sundry) which flash mobs issues plaguing 23% of the population. Ritambhara another young Hunger striker rising slowly through the ranks and confident of making it big in the main leagues says that being a woman it was doubly difficult for her to fast for long stretches and not shop to fulfill the hunger pangs. One of the professional hazards of being a hunger striker is to lie still among thousands of people in an open maidan.
Ashutosh another eager journo asks peevishly, if the fire in belly prompts the firey speeches that also have become a hallmark of a seasoned hunger striker? His question is rudely ignored and Ashu is reduced to posting status messages on his FB describing the under the table diet that these hunger strikers consume. His next assignment would be a sting on the same.
However, the only thing worrying Ritambhara, Teenaged Ram and parents pushing their kids to this new career option is the diminishing causes that drive able bodied men with a glint of political power in their eyes to the arena of public fasting.
Meanwhile Sudhakar Jagdish a journalist with Indian Express has posted a new nursery rhyme for kids who want to take up this vocation later in their life.
Baba Baba Black Sheep, Have you any cash?
Yes Sir Yes Sir Three bags full.
One for my ashram,
one for the phoren cruise,
and one for my political career which needs some push!

CSR stands for Con Swindle & Rip-off

2011-05-27T12:42:00.000+05:30

This is how cynics are born… they are shown utopian world, promised bliss and then rudely awakened by some corporate mumbo jumbo.

Why does a corporate want to be socially responsible? Isn’t doing the business that they do, honestly count? Why do they have to pretend to care? Is there a corporate God watching over giving out brownie points for such things? How do they sleep at night after conning people over and over again? Do they think that employees will be happy waking up early to reach a out of the way location, battling early morning traffic (which is worse than morning traffic), reaching the said location and then realizing that what was meant as a ‘cycle to work’ activity actually meant ‘cycle for 2 min among fume spewing trucks and killer buses” and then pollute the environment more by commuting to work through a circuitous route. And yes, for this you get to keep your yellow helmet with you!

Well I have a problem being used as a guinea pig to promote a company that I know nothing about… don’t want to become a statistic in their report of how they have helped the environment (humbug) and not even work up a sweat!

I had to actually go and run for 30 min to feel that the early morning activity was not wasted… and then indulge in a leisurely breakfast so that I don’t reach work before my usual time (cant let the bosses see me that early at work, they would assume a crisis is on!)

Although unwillingly, I did manage to CON the environment by promising it a pollution free commute, but added more; I did SWINDLE myself into thinking I could have a healthy approach to work and self, but added more calories by the extra strips of bacon during the leisurely breakfast; and I was certainly RIPPED OFF by promoting a couple of corporates into getting some brownie points that their conscience wouldn’t approve of.

Soft Kitty by ANU

2011-03-21T12:48:00.000+05:30

superman knock knock

2011-03-04T15:19:00.001+05:30

Whistleblower…who lost the whistle!

2011-01-22T16:50:00.003+05:30

What do you do when you chance upon an explosive piece of information that can stir things up in an already chaotic environment? Do you believe in your own luck or start questioning it…do you share it with anyone… or sit on it till the time is ripe… how do you know that the time is ripe anyways?

If you have any sense of morality, you approach the authorities and let fate/law take its own course of action…what do you do if your morality needs a crash course in counseling? Do you drown yourself in the elixir of life or rummage through tech handbooks for that button camera?

If you are yours truly, you very lamely present it to the top brass without any corroborating evidence and hope that the genius of your luck sandblasts the film of mediocrity coursing through your veins…failing which there is always the infinite digital space to rant and rave!

But what if that explosive piece explodes into nothing more than a whimper and hushed even further by watchdogs of the corrupt? Do sit back and lament how your luck has run out or how you were not smart enough to cash in or how you had no morals that your conscience didn’t even prick a teeny weeny bit?

Nah! You just move on… put everything in perspective and give in to fate! Or post an ambiguous status on Facebook? Or buy a real whistle like me?

So you think you can dance??

2010-12-27T13:45:00.003+05:30

Why do humans dance?? This is one question which has been bothering me every time I make the mistake of watching any dance reality show or bollywood cinema or any just any party?? What is with un-coordinated hand-hip-foot-head-arm movements that turn all of us into jumping jacks?

Can’t you express your emotions some other way…how does resembling an itchy monkey make you heard? Isn’t that exactly why speech, language was developed? If you are trying to communicate with a varied bunch of equally retarded people who would prefer head-banging as a sign of “I’ve got something to discuss” or “we’ve got to talk” then please go ahead… shake that big head of your as well as your booty…see if I give a nod!

I can’t get over the myriad dancing competition that plagues our nation…be it celebs dancing or little kids masquerading as item girls or just about anybody who has an arm and a leg to shake. Its as if the collective agenda of this nation is not to eradicate poverty, corruption but to start dancing…its as if some pied piper has jammed our airways with some ultrasonic frequency perceived only by twinkle toes…unfortunately everybody seems to have their dancing shoes on … permanently.

We don’t need batti band or set kasab free campaigns, we need ‘stop dancing’ campaigns …where every body that stops shaking their booty gets an honorary membership with the central nervous system board or some shit like that.

And while we are at it, lets ban all forms of dancing …especially on festive occasions… am I being anti-social?? Have you seen people dancing during a baarat …why the hell are they dancing anyways??

If it’s a form of expression…then why isn’t it spontaneous…why does dancing have to come with its trappings of dressing up, getting drunk, getting psychedelic lights on and absolutely no space to move?? How can hundreds of humans want to express their emotions at the same time in a similar fashion?? What are they saying?? Why do people have to coordinate their moves ….why do they have to be in sync?? Didn’t we want our own individuality… are we giving that up by syncing ourselves with somebody else’s expression??

I don’t mind watching or indulging in dancing when I have something to say…how on earth can you even hear yourself think when the speakers are blasting right next to your eardrums exactly at the same time when somebody has poked their elbows in your ribs for the 7th time??

So if you really think that you should dance… please do think again!

What is Love?

2010-11-30T21:32:00.003+05:30

Poets, Writers, filmmakers, the good for nothing guy next door to the hot co-worker in the shortest skirts have been asking this question to themselves, to God and to anybody who gives a damn.
During vella days I have also done my share of pondering over it and spent endless productive hours debating about it with various friends, colleagues, drinking buddies, bosses, family members, strangers, cute guys at random places, irritating people at even random places to no logical conclusion.
Yes it is a controversial topic and it changes from person to person, region to region, culture to culture, situation to situation, young to old, drunk to sober, you get the drift? And I’m sure that what we thought as love when we were toddlers and what we know now, transitioning through phases of kids, teenage, youth, etc the meaning as also evolved and transitioned from a mothers soothing look, to a fathers pat on the shoulder, to teachers smile, to a friends high five, to bosses handshake, etc.
Many a times, in-between these various gestures we somehow end up all confused and lost and forget the basic thing of love, of sharing of affection till suddenly somebody somehow sneaks in that gesture which leaves you wondering if you really know anything about it or if you are still fumbling your way through.
You can’t describe it your friends, you can’t explain it … it’s not creepy, not shy, not confused, not sexual, not un-sexual, not hurried....but very comforting, very friendly, very soothing, very reciprocative… something which gets a smile to your face even when you think about it.
And on World Aid’s Day I guess I have to thank Vaspy for adding that smile. No co-relation though.

Lady of Justice demands a New Sword, says it’s rusted like all Verdicts

2010-11-27T12:28:00.003+05:30

Mumbai, 26th Nov 2010

In an interview statement, the lady of justice most commonly referred to as Insaaf ki Devi (not to be confused with Rakhi Sawant and her brand of potent insaaf), has demanded a New Sword before she can deliver more verdicts. Citing the accumulated rust on the sword as the chief reason for the delay in justice, she also claims that while the sword is being procured, we might as well get her a new pair of scales and a blindfold.

Explaining the significance of the scales, blindfold and the sword to a hyper television journalist, the lady of justice lost her cool and almost raised the sword at the hyper journalist.

Ram Mohan, who had been following up on the lady of justice’s demands for the last month or half was shocked when the lady raised the selfsame sword at him. “I was just asking how the rusted sword and verdict were co-related when she threatened me” wailed Ram Mohan, clutching his pounding heart.

Later, to clarify that she did not take the law in her own hands, the lady of justice explained the rationale behind her out of character actions in an exclusive interview, “The nerve of that journalist to ask me the co-relation between my sword and verdict?? Next he will be asking the significance of the blindfold. I did what I did to protect my integrity. If he doesn’t know the reason of such simple things that we are taught in schools, he shouldn’t be a journalist at all. Everyone knows that the blindfold is to be impartial while delivering the verdict. The scales are to weigh all the evidence thoroughly and the sword means decisiveness. Court proceedings should not take months or years.”

Explaining how the rusted sword was being a hindrance to justice, she appealed to the Instant Insaaf team to buy her a new sword as she was tired of hearing justice denied is justice delayed slogans every time some group or the other woke up.

Lamenting that the cost of a new sword just is much lower that the cost of maintain lengthy records over so many years, the lady of justice suggested that if she was given a brand new sword every year, she would be able to dispense justice much quickly and prevent repeated appeals to higher courts as a delay tactic used by many to avoid prison or death penalty.

In other unrelated news, Ajmal Kasab has asked for a brand new shirt saying that he deserves one on the anniversary of his career high.

The Big Fat Bump

2010-09-25T18:53:00.001+05:30

There it was looking content with its own exalted state, that big fat lump. It thought back to its inception a few seconds back and how it saw the universe through strands of graying hair. Strange as it may seem, it knew its shelf life was limited so it hurried to take in the beauty of the whole world in its limited time.
The faint groans and moans were slowly dying a natural death while this new life was breathing in its first few breaths of adulterated fresh air with a few choicest words thrown in …enough to immediately transform the newly born to an awkward teen in a matter of minutes.
With sudden growth came sudden pain… the freezing pain of a ice being slammed down… stunting its growth… the cold freezing its very existence… it tried to find a corner, an inch from where it could spring forth and escape the cold sting of death….but it was getting flattened down by its own destiny.
It struggled to keep its head up the icy chill…maybe it was time to invoke the secret weapon, maybe it was time to give it a last push…maybe it was its last chance…but push it did…and the fine skin of membrane between its vital fluids and the gray tresses were ruptured…the fluids gushed out with a vengeance but the cold also blew in with a icy resolve. It was the battle of a lifetime…a mere 30 sec life but life it was and it was not going to give in so easily.
As it saw the last drops of its life giving fluid being wiped clean in an antiseptic wipe, it knew that the end was near, that it was time to bid farewell to this wonderful and scary world where the survival was for the fittest. But it resolved to give a little memento …something to remember it by …it left open the womb as a gushing wound for all to see.

Selfish Little

2010-07-28T16:10:00.002+05:30

In a country like India were poverty is always on the rise it hurts to see so much of food grain rot in the rains.
You know what... read it in the papers this morning ....makes me wonder why nobody is giving any importance to it... Jessica Lall was murdered and thousands of people who were not affected by her murder directly stayed up all night and lit candles and it felt good to see so many of us mobilizing towards the greater good of the society....but it’s the same janta which is least bothered with all these food grains rotting away....something which affects us directly....will it take a murder of a beautiful lady for us to start a movement again?? Why can’t all of us FB empowered netizens start something a little more worthwhile instead of self indulgent status messages...can we??
But what can we exactly do?? Start another Candle Lit March towards the gateway? Or start a Pink Chaddi campaign?
Well, since I am like the rest of the population who likes armchair theories and couch preaching as well… and don’t have a cause in which I believe in … I can jot down few steps
Option 1:
We all can start a long discussion and hope that it generates enough buzz to come to the notice of sensible and self motivated people who will actually do something about it
Our Fyada: - we will feel good about one little thing and if this movement gains importance we can brag about it to our grandkids someday
Option 2:
We all start a long discussion and urge people to take out some time from their busy and hectic life to start a letter addressed to Ashok Gulati, Director, FCI, who says that "The total storage capacity is 28 million tonnes ... this leads to losses of 10 – 15 per cent. Translate this into value... that is 6 million tonnes of grains damaged, unfit for human consumption ... it amounts to Rs 8,000 to Rs 10,000 crores annually." We mark a copy to the Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh, Minister of Agriculture and Minister of Consumer Affairs, Food & Public Distribution Mr. Sharad Pawar, Minister of Home Affairs Mr. P. Chidambaram. The creative ones amongst us can put together a nice power point presentation and the hard working sincere types can research the facts and figures for it. The enterprising ones can follow up with the above mentioned people to see whether they have read said draft. The ones in media can slyly slip a draft into the editorial meeting and the ad guys can maybe take a dig or so in one their copies.
Our Fyada: Since we are using our core competencies and not leaving our armchairs, we can chat with our friends while doing this. Also, we can splurge on dal and rice and not eat spend agonizing hours wondering what to order for lunch which is healthy, tasty and doesn’t pinch the pockets also… we are after all saving up for that Jimmy Choos and that Tag Heuer. It’s still an inspiring story for the grandkids (kids will listen to anything).
So what will we choose?

GERM OF AN IDEA

2010-07-20T13:53:00.003+05:30

As kids, we were all told to stop dreaming and start studying, then when we grew up a bit we were again told to stop dreaming and start slogging at work, then came Christopher Nolan who made a whole 148 min film about how dreaming can be a career option for the new age moviegoer.
I’m not a critic, won’t get into the whole technique, style, content, original or inspired mode… this movie is an original in the sense that it picks up a basic fact that we all know (that dreams can be as real as we want them to be) and added so many layers to it that I’d doubt if anybody in the audience could not relate to it.
Yes, like the matrix it went into an alternate reality where one can feel pain (since pain is in the mind and it is the mind which dreams) but the depiction of the whole realm of reality was a masterpiece.
Movies like Inception, Matrix, A Clockwork Orange and No Smoking which question the basic premise of our existence and throw up new ways in how we have perceived reality are always on my Top 10 list
How many time have we dreamt that we win that inter school sprint to impress the new English teacher or flew to office to be on time for that important presentation or have that witty comeback to the hot guy at the bar….weren’t we all heroes in our own dreams playing out in the labyrinth of our minds like a cinemascope Bollywood feature.
In fact I wrote this post immediately after I saw the movie …on my way back home, I whipped up my Mac book and while I was typing, the words literally flew from my fingertips and arranged themselves on the screen, I also detected a faint whiff of smoke when the typing was happening faster than the speed of light. The sidewalks had shed their shabby, muddy and desolate look and wore a happy Grecian architecture with fancy cars zooming past me. The cat atop of the tallest building noticed my typing and was impressed; she let out a faint meow. Exactly 10 sec after uploading this post, I got 19,275,499 hits on my blog and approximately 9,495, 142 calls from various film critics asking if they can use my post as their review. Then the auto reached by humble studio apartment and I got the ‘kick’ in the form of the revised night fare.
Somehow, I wasn’t sure whether I ‘had’ seen the movie or dreamt it all up! But I do remember paying for the tickets!

My Friends turned me into a RACIST

2010-07-17T15:32:00.004+05:30

Yes they did, I am a firm believer of the equality of all mankind…. But I didn’t expect them to twist that very word and make womankind as the exception.
As usual it all happened during the dimly lit, noisy and crowded space of the haven of all things Bacchus and bohemian. The idea was to include the pretty young cousin of our pretty young friend (Ok not so young)…. But the lack of interesting conversation points and the urge to impress the ladies resulted in the age old battle of races.
Many times I have wondered why the common man gets bullied by the ruling class into a war among the races…why can’t we decide for ourselves that these so called differences based on color, caste and creed do not matter in today’s time (maybe did not matter in earlier times also)…why do we get swayed so easily when we listen to high pitched opinions of clueless politicians who are firm believers of the East India company’s “DIVIDE & RULE”. Why we, who are educated and fancy free can’t shake off the shackles of race … why we succumb every time to the call of the racial color.
Seeing one of the pretty young things try to assert her independence by defending her race amongst the juvenile barbs of the rest of the motley crew … by seeing the slight flare of her nostrils every time a joke featuring camels, horses or sand dunes were cracked, I suddenly realized that this is how it must have started eons ago… a friendly bullying due to lack of conversation topics must have created the first rift… and although it was irresistible for me NOT to join in the friendly bashing of a culture not so alien to mine… I was not averse to it either.
And hence I became a RACIST!
But who won the battle of races on our table… well since the Rajputs were outnumbered by the coalition of the East Indian, Parsis and people of mixed breed origin (all minorities) …can I take credit (being a warrior tribal from the some jungles of Assam …or so I would like to believe) I think I can be termed an aborigine and claim first right to the motherland. Hey while I am at it, I want a separate state and my own helipad…what I will have to start a war for this… I can’t just claim it as my birthright?? Says who?? …those annoying Kashmiris, Punjabis, Haryanvis, Rajputs, Gujjus, Marathis, Kanndadigas, Tamilians, Mallus, Telegus, Oriyas, Bongs, Bhaiyas, Biharis, Pahadis, Chinkies…and counting
P.S – What do you call a Parsi Pimp? ….Nari Contracter!

Restraining Order

2010-06-27T11:00:00.004+05:30

In this age of dime a dozen Fatwas, PILS, RTI acts and eons of such legal babble, it is quite common to hear the phrase Restraining Order or Gag Order. Everyone, right from a delivery boy of trans-fat laden fast food to the waited at hand and feet heir knows the legal parlance made with a quest to confuse.

After immersing myself in the dusty and busy bylanes of Google and Wikipedia, at the cost of much needed sleep and an urge to dash to the toilet for empting myself of bodily fluids every 15 minutes, I completed my research and restrained myself to jump about and celebrate.

But what does this Restraining Order do? According to the heavy and dusty law books - A restraining order or order of protection is a form of legal injunction. The term is most commonly used in reference to domestic violence, harassment, stalking or sexual assault.

While there are differences from state to state or case to case, the bottom line is for the abuser to stay away from someone, their home, their workplace or their school and to stop contacting them. Victims generally also can ask the court to order that all contact, whether by telephone, notes, mail, fax, email or delivery of flowers or gifts, is prohibited.

I have been always been accused of being restrained in my behavior…in the sense that my emotions don’t display themselves in full force. This has always been at variant with my self-belief of being a highly sensitive person.

So when a restraining order was slapped on me by my seniors, I like most Indians jumped in glee …finally here is my road to glory, atleast now everyone will remember me with that faint aftertaste of disdain…. “Oh…she, the one with a restraining order….she was horrible at her work, we all thought she was gonna get under the pressure and with like the others, but she managed to do the unthinkable….like a rabbit out of the hat, she pulled a restraining order and is now the toast of all and sundry…remind me to ask her how she managed to do it”

But I am slightly confused about the Do’s and Don’ts of this order. According to my instructions, I am …

1. Not supposed to interact with the victim
2. Not supposed to make eye contact with the victim
3. Not supposed to greet the victim in a friendly fashion
4. Not supposed to breathe in the general direction of the victim

But does that mean that ….

1. I cannot offer them a hand if they slip on a banana peel (of course they will, I will put the peel for them)
2. I cannot get up and offer a chair in a crowded room (after having made sure that the room has just one less chair than needed)
3. I cannot crack jokes within earshot of the victim
4. I cannot re-interrupt the interruption caused by the victim

Maybe I should just take a hike and dismiss all these as playful imagination as a result of a hectic and unpredictable soirée of Khel Khel Mein.

Dwarfed by Arzee

2010-05-29T15:10:00.004+05:30

I have always believed that when a character is created, the inspiration comes from someone real. It could be a friend, an acquaintance, a neighbor or it could be the self.
After reading Arzee the Dwarf written by Chandrahas Choudhury, I am sure that there exists a real Arzee….has to… how can anyone describe a fictional character so real…that if you turn your head, you can actually see him walking past your window, head bowed low muttering to himself. You almost leave your book and start following to hear what he is muttering about… is he making excuses to give to Deepakbhai … that quintessential honcho from the slums …or is he planning to trick Phiroz into playing the Babur himself.
Arzee’s dilemma is as real as the character… no saving the world or becoming a superhero…but getting a raise and marrying a decent girl …that’s all what Arzee wants… but does he get it… is it a happy ending… we will never know…like we don’t know in real life… Chandrahas weaves the plot as gently as he could …never going far from the main character… always seeing things from his perspective.
How many times we are subjected to prose that talks to us through other characters to take the story forward and we all believe that it is essential so that the reader is not bored and there can be some variety …but who needs variety when the central character is so strong. We don’t miss seeing the secondary characters perspective …but we would have liked to know a little bit more about Mobin, Arzee’s brother and Shireen.
No one makes such profound statements anymore...at least in writing...sample this "Love is the true home of the imagination. Requited love is the paradise raised from nothing but a pair of synchronized imaginations!". This sentence defines what the book is.
From the way Arzee the Dwarf was written, I am but waiting for the next book by the author. However, I do believe that this debut novel is not the only piece of published work. If I am not mistaken, a collection of middles was published by the same author and the famous Grandfather and Cronies were created. I’m sure if I search through my haphazardly arranged piles of books I will be able to trace a copy out; which goes to show that the initial days of writing which was greatly influenced by the great P. G. Wodehouse has metamorphosed into a prose full of humour, pathos and delightful vocabulary.

Labour Pains!

2010-05-28T15:31:00.005+05:30

Ever wondered about the mysteries of life and death and how various cultures deal with it. Some cultures celebrate death and give the departed soul the best party ever. Others are thoughtful enough to pack all the essential items with the corpse for their last journey. For the wondrous moment of new life, people donate their fortune to the less fortunate ones, some light up the newborn’s life with Cigars; others do elaborate rituals to please their Gods.
Such various customs and culture specific rituals must have been duly noticed and noted down by some anthropologist for their research/thesis work which the common junta ignores generally ignores… imagine reading about such useless info when the antics of our cricketers, movie stars and wannabe reality stars are much more juicer…but I digress.
If someone is an avid Bollywood fan and has grown up in the eighties where Bollywood followed the tried and tested formula of revenge, then they might have inkling to the ambiguous meandering of my mind. Sample this…
The father has been killed (or confined) by the bad guys and the wife who somehow escapes from the den of the bad guys and runs away not because she can’t bear the torture (or lecherous stares of the extras) but she has to give birth to the hero of the film so that he can avenge the family and have a happy ending. Regular fare…some even went on to become hits …but that one scene…where the hero is actually born….it’s supposed to be a very dramatic one… and is often depicted as dark… with rain and thunderstorm and the wails of the pregnant mother who thrashes about so much that the art director must have a standby set ready just in case. The ‘mother’ is drenched in sweat and tears roll down her eyes and the scene seems so long that you automatically start praying for the baby to come out so that the movie can go on…
But why do our filmmakers depict childbirth in such morbid and melancholy way… why is the beginning of child birth always associated with the mother wishing that she was a monk?
In comparison, American film and TV (which is so cool…not to be ignored) rarely projects child birth in such dejected and macabre way unless the plot requires it. It will then be an exception, not the norm.
Is it something to do with the healthcare policies of both the nations… one is developed where all its citizens have basic rights to medical facilities and do not view the process of childbirth as that big a deal, while the other is still struggling to provide basic facilities for the expectant mother. Girls grow up dreading the process of childbirth and with convoluted theories of sex … Agreed schools nowadays have sex education, but imagine how many years of viewing the agony of childbirth in popular cinema is etched in a girls mind….can a textbook with 100 marks of test marks erase that imagery from the easily impressionable mind?
For a nation with more than a billion headcount…that’s a lot of labour pain.

The number 9

2010-05-17T20:26:00.005+05:30

Ever realized that we are in Kalyug which is the 9th era of civilization, or that there are 9 celestial bodies in Indian Astrology or that Navratri is festival which lasts for 9 days, or that there are 36 chromosomes in an individual which when divided by 9 yields 4 which in turn is the different stages of one’s life as defined by the Manu Smriti.

Apparently the number 9 is quite the mystery number in Indian mythology but not only so… it has equal claim to fame in Chinese (The Chinese Netherworld supposedly has nine rivers in a nine-headed dragon. Also, ancient Chinese believed that the sky consisted of nine parts, the earth had nine separate countries, and each of those countries had nine mountain ranges), Greek (there were 9 muses, responsible for creation of the arts by way of inspiration. They were the daughters of Zeus, king of the gods), Egyptian (the Ennead was a group of nine gods and goddesses. Before passing onto the afterlife, a person had to be judged as worthy by the Ennead) mythology to name a few.

This mystery number plays an equal amount of significance in mathematics as well… it is the last digit before the start of double-digit numbers. This feature is the reason the number nine has certain unique mathematical properties, such as the digits of every multiple of 9 adding up to 9 or another multiple thereof. For e.g – 2x9 = 18…1+8=9; 3x9=27…2+7=9.

In the Natyashastra, there are 9 bhavas or emotions Love, Mirth, Pity, Anger or Wrath, Heroism, Terror or Fear, Astonishment or Surprise, Tranquility or Peace and Disgust collectively called as the Navras.

Seeing the importance of this heavenly number, I tried my best to fit it into my life….so here goes some possible (read lame) connections
1. When I was 9 years old, something important happened that changed my entire life….maybe …just couldn’t think of any dramatic event…it was too long ago…

2. When I turned 18 (1+8=9), I got my driver’s license and voters ID…as did other 18 year olds…hmmm

3. I have 9 close friends (if I don’t count the rest 11)

4. I worked for an organization called tv 9!!

5. I can prepare chicken in 9 different ways (really I can…lemon chicken, pepper chicken, chicken pot roast with red wine, chicken chilly, garlic chicken, ginger chicken, goan chicken curry, chicken do pyaza and chicken butter masala)

6. I stand tall at 5 feet 9 inches (if my heels are 5 inches)

7. It’s been 9 years since I have stayed on my own.

8. My first big purchase out of my own hard earned money was a watch for dad which cost me Rs. 3,600…the numbers adds up to 9!

9. Ok last try….A chance remark by a friend who was just explaining how I have managed to build walls around me and that it becomes extremely difficult for anyone interested in me to get to know me. He further elucidated that one has to unlock 8 doors to get to the 9th and last door and only then would I really be relaxed and comfortable. Please note, not 5 not 15 not 10 but 9 doors!

Even though I probably need regular psychiatric treatment or possibly the Chinese torture for subjecting a fellow human being to such rambling of the mind….but I think the last or the 9th point does make some sense.

Can I expect 9 comments???

Tears!

2010-05-13T18:38:00.002+05:30

Slowly silently they flow, traversing through various layers of makeup and emotions. They have a mission too… they need to know if they are the real McCoy’s or cheap replicas found at the click of a reality camera crew.
Like everything under the sun, they also have a fixed rate of growth and undergo yearly appraisals. Nowadays with high level of stress, they are also frequently under the scanner of a shrink who will analyze them and rate them and label them. Some of them are starting a union against such random commercialization of the humble fluid. So they have put together a list of the various forms that they can manifest itself and hereby declare that all others are fake!
1. The Silent Trickle – Associated with the strong and silent types, this happens under extreme emotions, usually in public…often without the help of any other bodily movements as the entire nervous system concentrates to stop the trickle.

2. The Unstoppable Gush-These ones always come with loud sound effects which some may call crying but is actually a lot of incoherence. It is always advisable to have someone nearby to hold and comfort otherwise it dies it’s naturally death in 6-7 sec.

3. The Slow Drip or the Chinese Drip – This is usually reserved for people who have a huge load to carry and have no time to express their real self so caught up they are in day to day existence. Like the Chinese water torture, they torture they come to haunt in regular intervals.

4. The Treacherous Torrent – This is somewhat similar to the Unstoppable Gush but is much greater in magnitude, it can cause the heartbeats to completely stop.

5. Crocodile Ooze – This is the common variant that everyone is exposed to. It is easily acceptable and identified. However, it is only effective in getting attention, for real catharsis one has to try the above four.

Of course various permutations and combination of the five can always happen and each of the five sects have their own level of intensities.
These Socio-chemical fluids which emotions bring forth are a rather strange breed. One never knows when they will strike and when they will fade. The anticipation is enough to reduce one to tears. But like most emotions, they are just looking for an outlet …to escape …to breakout from the confines of these so called emotions… coz once they reach the atmospheric world they can either sublime into vapor or seep right back into the folds of the epidermis. It is their choice.
Unlike humans, who cannot choose which way to shed them… when one really wants to go full throttle, the silent’s trickle out…when one wants to hush the trickles, the torrents are unleashed. It’s like they have a mind of their own. Only the crocodile is submissive. It listens and does exactly as it is told. But then who wants a crocodile anyways.
Just for that one torrent to wash away all the worries, just for that one gush to unclog all the memories… so that new ones can be stored… so that happy ones can be displayed … so that one be free.

The End is Near

2010-05-06T19:05:00.003+05:30

Yeah the end…not only is it here…but also near… no no I am not trying my hand at some cheap alliteration. It’s just a fallout of a long conversation with a friend who goes long back and is far away…a long way off the pacific so to speak.
Well, over ISD calls arguing the case of networking and or the need for small talk, we touched the topic whether the end is what matters or is it the journey? Quoting management theories my friend just reinforced the fact that all such theories are actually bullshit pointers filled with jargons and only serve the purpose of confusing the other person. The person at the receiving end, not making head or tail out of it ends up buying the theory often at an exorbitant cost (cash or kind) and falls into the trap of success, chaos and rat race.
But I digress; I am not here to do some MBA bashing (which incidentally is my favorite sport ;)) but to acknowledge the fact that this time it does make some sense.
Yes, in a way the ‘END’ is what everyone or say most people have in mind when they start a venture be it business, social or artistic in nature. But it’s not always the end that makes most people strive towards making the venture a success…sometime success lies in completing the journey, sometime the journey/process is so exciting that the end doesn’t matter.
We are all born with one certain thing… death… we know that it will happen, but does one fling himself off the 31st floor of a high-rise or sleep on railway tracks or send a personal invitation to the likes of Kasab to reach the end. No, we traverse each day learning new things, experiencing various emotions so that when we reach death we can find some other end. The journey towards death is what matters most, more than death itself.
When anything is given life, the end of that life is death…but the blooming of the flower, to the chirp of a bird, to the gush of a waterfall, to the roll of the sea, to the stoic silence of the mountains, to the bounding jump of the hare, to the rat race of the humans, is but only the by-product of that end. And if the flower attracts the pollen carrying bee to pass on the emotions along with the pollen, if the bird chirps forth a tune to the hearts of a lovelorn poet, if the waterfall excites the fish to swim in dangerous water, if the sea calls out to the surfers, if the mountains beckon the hermit…then they do so with the hope that their emotions, their intrinsic nature, their being doesn’t end with their physical death… that someday there will be some flower, some bird, some water fall, some sea, some mountain, some animal, some human somewhere which will not dwell on the impending death but will carry their legacy forward thereby making them mortal… thereby rubbishing the fear of the end.
Because, the end is always near…. but with each end comes a beginning as well.

Ape No More

2010-04-24T14:55:00.008+05:30

Darwin has cracked his brains to answer questions about evolution....many have believed in it and equal number of people have rubbished this theory. Many theories, books and movies later, it is still a viable topic of discussion... we all want to know where we come from and where we will go.

But why?? Why is it so important to know about our origins...so that we can right the wrongs or is it just plain curiosity... or is it to live in a delusion of immortality?

According to some civilizations, all matter is made up of energy which vibrates at a certain frequency. Now there is a universal being (I refrain from using the word GOD here) which vibrates at a certain frequency also. This universal being (found across all microspheres and ecosystems) attracts similar frequencies towards itself to gobble it up (some call the process Nirvana). Now it is destiny (fact of life) that each and every matter will wind up being gobbled by this universal being (it’s kind of a food chain in the cosmospiritual sense) and will be reformed as some other matter with some other frequency, since matter can neither be created nor destroyed but changes its form from one to the other.

Our wise old men, didn't want to change...even if they knew that it was the ultimate truth....so they devised all kinds of schemes to keep the human mind occupied...these schemes were mainly the emotions of love, hate, jealousy, pride, etc and their subsequent actions of war, poetry, economics, entertainment. This prevented humans to focus on their vibrations and indeed our vibrations have been so muddled that we ourselves do not know about it.

We have started aping each other in terms of attitude, behavior and style and refuse that there is a certain job that we have to do.

It’s like the story of a toothbrush...with modern technologies, the toothbrush can flip back, come in attractive colours, have a part for cleaning the tongue and even is battery operated...but does it do what its empirical nature tells it to do...albeit brush the teeth? Until and unless a toothbrush doesn't do that, then it is not one.

In our rush to theorize evolution, have we forgotten that the current Darwinian theory of natural selection is keeping us from the bigger picture...maybe evolution means being gobbled into this universal being and reforming into a different matter, not re-engineering our DNA's to keep us immortal.

The Mayas and Incas understood this...and so the whole civilization vanished leaving behind the wonders that is Macchu Picchu...maybe someday I will. But what will I leave behind.....my blog??? ahem....

(Dedicated to Sumit Vaswani for starting this topic)

Not A Complete Loser

2010-04-20T02:04:00.003+05:30

That's the only thought which is going through my head right now (thanks to the pep talk by Vatty)...on the day on which my parents, friends, siblings, colleagues and lots of other people, who may have had the misfortune of crossing my path, all come together and brace themselves to make an effort to be nice to me without actually cringing ... coz its that one day which I can totally claim to be my day (so what if I do have to share it with Vishal, Amrish, Hitler, Babita, Mamta Kulkarni to name a few)...its still my day... its the day that the Gods and my parents in their eternal wisdom decided to unleash me on this planet... so that I could spread some cheer (or so they thought) to this world... little did they know that I would completely disregard their plans and have my own agenda... only to realize that my agenda is not really an agenda ...its more of a reaction to this whole thing called "Life".

I cant but help reflecting on the years gone by (always happens when a few drops of old monk passes through my throat) and have come to the conclusion that I haven't done anything worthwhile....don't have a plan ahead... don't have a bank balance to impress anyone... haven't been there for my parents and family or friends... don't know where I am going professionally... love life is non-existent... don't believe in community service/social service... don't have a cause worth dying for... the list is actually endless... but have realized that I have done one thing right and that is, I have somehow managed to have really awesome friends... Friends who believe in me when I have given up all hope... Friends who trust me to always crack a bad joke and make the world a pleasant place... Friends who don't give up on me... Friends who push me to try harder, literally ... Friends who love me... Friends who plan a expected surprise bday bash with chocolate cake ...

I know I am not dying and one should reserve such sentiments for the last breath... but I actually want to thank all my friends for being my friends... coz I realized that I don't say it often... So, Pinky, Mousumi, Anu, Cyril, Shipra, Vatsala, Guddi, Serene, Siddhu, Mayur, Partha, Charu, Reema, Ruhi, Sunil, Shruti, Rachita, Ruchika, Sanga, Ashu, Sam, Ajat, Deepika, Neha, Vineet, Gaurav, Amrish, Amit, Sanju, Vishal, Preeti, Baba, Runa, Utkalika, Wayne, Sumit... thanks sooooooo much guys for being my Friend... Love you always.

Crap, this bday thingy really makes one senti and stuff... must be old age... or must be the Old Monk!

Happiness is Unhappiness in another form

2010-04-07T12:26:00.003+05:30

Last night when a friend asked me to go on a weekend drive, and I refused it wasn’t a great deal to my otherwise unimportant life. I have no regrets going on the drive, it wasn’t a first for me nor will it change my life drastically. What was dramatic was the reason I cited for refusing the proposal. It went something like this “I don’t want to go because the drive will make me feel happy, and I want to feel sad which will propel me to shed my laziness and overcome my shortcomings”
I didn’t believe that these words were actually coming out from my mouth… who talks like this?? More importantly who reasons like this?? Do we actually crave unhappiness over happiness? Because that’s exactly what I was saying…to be happy later on, I need to be unhappy right now… but we all know that later on is always in the distant future…so effectively I was craving unhappiness and deriving some kind of pleasure from it.
We all know that Pathos forms the basic plot of any good story, but I had never imagined me to be at the center of all the wallowing and hedonism. We never say we are happy NOW…we always talk about it either in retrospect or in a futuristic manner.
We all say “I was happy as a Kid” or “Last week when I went to Gaurav’s Bday and met all my friends, it was the happiest day in my life” or “When I turn 35 and still have my good likes, I will be terribly happy with my beautician”.
So, all these marketing jargons that are lobbed on us in the name of advertising actually do not spell happiness, manufacturers are selling unhappiness and we are falling for it hook, line and sinker. Do we actually need that new LCD TV to remind us that our life will now be happier when our pockets are lighter and when we actually don’t need to be happy??
Why can’t there be a product that goes “Want to be really happy, buy our new energy drink that is made out of sewage and will give you thousands of diseases for that everlasting unhappiness”…or some such thing.
This is part of my series “Reflections” and will have many more revelations and insights into the wonderful process called Life.

Karthik Calling China

2010-03-10T11:42:00.000+05:30

Finally Indian cinema has come of age… for we have finally started to acknowledge the impact of our tyrannical neighbors on our psyche. We have made an entire move all of 2 hrs some odd min to espouse the characteristics of a foreign made electronic instrument! Now that’s what I really call a great idea… who wants to watch wishy-washy sob stories of estranged families or revenge dramas or candy floss romances.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved this movie… it was shot well, acting was good and the music also left its mark… a well rounded off production… the story was actually ‘hatke’ ….but (ther is always a but isn’t ther ;)) I personally found it hard to believe that the main protagonist was a Chinese telephone (there…I’ve given the whole story away) and cant stop thinking about all the various spoofs that can be made… remembering my comedy show days… I should call Varun and tell him to spoof this on Jay Hind!

Baby Pratyasha is an Angel!

2010-02-02T06:12:00.009+05:30

Look Ma, I even have wings, not the fake wings that the teachers used to put on us for school concerts…but real ones, which can flap… I even got a wand… only it does no magic like Harry Potters, but every time I move it around, tiny stars fall around it like a trail. I have a lovely white dress that never gets dirty even if I roll around on the ground…but then there is no ground! We are on some kind of fluffy, snowy surface, like clouds.

But Ma, the best part is that there is no homework… I don’t have to bother about class tests and exams. But there was this wrinkled lady who reminded me of our geography teacher who showed me my patch of the cloud, she looked very strict. I guess even here there are some rules and regulations.

The rules are not many, just that I have to keep smiling the whole day…now c’mon that’s not at all difficult… when I realize that I don’t have to sit for any board exams or compete with my own friends and random strangers to get into college, vie with girls to get a guy, struggle to get to work in the increasing traffic, manage to squeeze in a little time for you in my increasingly hectic adult life… I rather be here and smile away to glory.

Although, I will miss going to school and meeting my friends and playing hopscotch with them (yeah I know we never played that… we have moved on to video games and stuff…but it’s nice sentimental stuff).

But the best part is that, I can get to watch you as you go about your work…I can see you as you fold my arms over my chest…I can see the love that you had for me… I can see how tired you are, I can see how you need some rest…I think its best that God decided to get me here… at least you will get some rest.

Get some sleep Ma; go on take a nap while you are waiting for the flight. I will watch over you like you have done countless times, I will not let anyone disturb you. And I will always be smiling … for you, forever.

Smile and wave …smile and wave…smile and wave…hey stars fall out of my hands when I wave… this is so cool… do they fall out of my feet when I walk… but hey, I don’t have to move my legs to walk….i’m actually gliding across…ma, look I can glide… ma, look….

Single on V-Day??

2010-02-02T06:12:00.008+05:30

Guy 1: Hey, wassup, how are you these days?? Long time no see, eh…how about catching up one of these days?

Me: Hmmm, nice of you to call… but I’m kinda busy…maybe later… (Thinking…strange how I got this call after so long…oh its V-day tomo…no wonder… booty call)

Guy 2: Hey babes…how about a movie tomo??

Me: Sounds nice, which one?

Guy 2: You choose, we’ll pick up the DVD, snuggle in with a beer, what say?

Me: Ok, I’ll call you back; Mom’s on the other line … (wow that was quite direct)

Girl 1: Hey babes, you know what tomo is… so my guy has planned this nice romantic thing for me, but his cousin is visiting from out of town, so why don’t you two hang out so that I get some alone time with my guy?

Me: what, you really think I would…

Girl 1: why not, you are single, doing nothing on V-day and this cousin is not bad, works in an IT company, earns decent…good talker… what’s the problem??

Problem??? The problem is that I don’t want to… why is it difficult to accept that there can be people who can be all by themselves and still have loads of fun. One doesn’t have to be with someone to experience the meaning of life.

Besides, I think its more about not being projected as a loner which makes people scramble for their phonebooks and call up long lost forgotten crushes expecting something magical to happen. Wake up, its not a movie, if the person hasnt responded earlier, few chances are that s/he would now.

And frankly speaking, coming from a small town where there were few hallmarked card shops, figuring out that Valentine’s Day even existed was only for those whose I.Q was more than 180. Besides, seeing my friends getting pink teddy bears, roses, was not my idea of fun… I mean what’s with the teddy bears… I don’t like them… would never have one in my room… coz they never stop S-T-A-R-I-N-G. Besides I am not a nature person… that means I don’t go about harping on global warming to all and sundry or planting trees, I do my bit for nature by not picking flowers or accepting them …especially red roses… now if they are orchids, it’s another story, Likewise for chocolates.

But why do I have to give up my space and share of the bed for these things, I can easily buy them myself… I didn’t diligently avoid the mush to get into it later… yes sir, I chose to avoid the mush… like some people choose to be constantly be in one relationship after the other.

Does that mean that I am a loser… if I don’t have any special plans on the super hyped V-day? Of course I would like to be fussed over and made to feel special, but if that happens only on one particular day of the year, then I rather depend on myself to fuss over.

How about you fussing over someone else for a change… it’s not always about taking, sometimes it’s good to give too… quips in a smart ass sorry excuse for a friend (read sam)… well yes I would like to fuss over somebody once in a while… but I would rather fuss over myself… there I said it… I want to fuss over myself rather than somebody else, as I can handle my own expectations better rather than somebody else expectation … which mostly runs like this…

don’t look at another man,
don’t think about another man,
don’t think, period
always look like you are dressed up for the kill even when you are actually nursing a bad cold and 102 degrees fever,
be nice to his parents,
don’t be a bitch to his exes’,
be a buddy to his friends,
play the perfect host to his boss,
love sports,
Put up with his burps and farts…
Be a good chef, but accept that you are 2^nd to his mom’s cooking
Always clean up after him
Never nag about hygiene

Well, I rather be with myself thank you. It’s much simpler that ways, no one, no expectations, no blowing up hard earned money on pink teddies, no getting hurt later and no picking up the pieces, no moving on.

The three E’s of a relationship - Experience, Experiment, and Expectation (thanks to remo) always lead to the 4^th E… “EX”.

Just that I miss all the great offers and discounts that stores these days offer…maybe the new marketing trend will be a single day!!

Only 1493 Tigers left… Save the man!

2010-01-30T20:22:00.003+05:30

The ad says Only 1493 Tigers left… save the tiger… but I say there are only 1129 Men left… who is going to save them?
What only 1129 Men…aren’t we a one billion plus country…well yeah…but where are the men?
The dozen that I know don’t constitute a man…. 7 percent are automations….they are programmed to get up and go to work and then party after work. No No, it’s not a new age phenomenon… this robotization of man… you can see it all the way through their lives. They were wired to be automations right from their birth…they went to school, college, professional college, work, marriage, kids, etc like clockwork… it was as if their meter was on since the time they were born.
Many don’t even question the purpose of being in this rat race… they are busy making investment plans for the future, not realizing that the future that they are seeking will always lie …well in the future.
Who will save the man?

Patriotism, Where art Thou??

2010-01-26T13:07:00.004+05:30

60 years of the republic….and we get a new version of a music video to show… that was one of the major stories of the nation’s foremost newspaper.
Republic day has always been special for me… as a small town schoolgirl….the day always started with the whole family glued to the television set…watching the parade being telecast live from New Delhi where the president takes the salute.
The ultimate aim for me in those days…to be part of the parade and win bravery awards, from the hands of the President, the highest authority in our country. Many days were spent in scheming how to put my elder sister in life threatening situations so that I could come and save her and win the coveted award. But these were only day dreams fuelled by overzealous empty mind.
Our hometown also had a mini parade on the republic day, where various schools would participate and march past the chief minister (oh the joys of democracy…if not the President, I had the humble CM)…winning the best platoon for the school was a good enough high… nothing made me happier or prouder than carrying the trophy back to the school, flaunting it all along on the way, teasing the rival schools with it.
That competitiveness has not surfaced since those school times again.
When I got a chance to move out from my parent’s home and stayed in Delhi… among my to-do lists was to see the Republic day parade in person at the India gate itself…alas, four years in Delhi and the only trip to India gate was for Ice-cream after late night parties. When I did express a desire to go watch the parade, my new found big city friends, made so much fun of my small town aspirations, that I completely dropped the idea of patriotism leave alone the parade. Besides, where was the time?? I had to earn my daily bread…make a mark in my career, that was how I was going to do my bit for the country, not by watching some silly parade… grow up girl, I said to myself and glugged down another drink to celebrate the republic day with my colleagues.
Half a decade later, in another new city, exploring my own independence, I came to the conclusion, that it is idle chatter for bored housewives and retired government officials… no one bothers about the parade which still is celebrated with as much pomp and show as it was some 25 years ago…many kids don’t even care about it… they are more interested in their PSP, WII or any such abbreviations.
But then these are the same kids, who will gladly raise awareness through their posts on twitter and facebook, and light thousands of candles for some cause or the other. Can I blame them then that they don’t know a Kuchipudi from a Khathakali …since the Republic day parade among other things did improve the general knowledge of us kids by telling us about the various traditions and customs of the other states… by making us sing the same sur in all our songs?
I watched the parade on TV after a long time and still had goosebumps for some reason… even though I knew that this is just another celebration for India… it will go back to its mudslinging and fighting in the parliament… it will go back to its defense land scams … or some new controversy with Mr. Babble mouth on twitter…the tableaux will be discarded… the children thanked and handed over a certificate of participation which will gather dust somewhere… the President shaking her white overcoat and finally getting the joke that the Korean guest had said… things will become normal… after the showcase of patriotism, things will be back to being the same.
But why the goosebumps??
Maybe because 60 years of the republic and half of that spent in my cynicism… still the nation has not done that bad …the ways to express it may have changed… but like religion, patriotism is best expressed individually.
P.S – I always wanted to know if there is any prize for the thousands of audience who come to watch the Republic day parade at India Gate… braving the Delhi Winter, early in the morning, with 6 inches of makeup…who are these people… nobody I know has ever been to such a shindig…who are these people… can we start a fund for them…the real patriots??

I was rejected

2010-01-07T20:14:00.004+05:30

For the first time, I felt very humbled in my life… and all for a few kilos….I had just been thinking that I need to lose all that flab from my midriff… and while I am at it, maybe work on my upper arms …few inches less would be nice….but the attendant killed my self-image… no not just killed, but twisted the knife also.
I had thought that I was invincible …what with my never say die attitude and positive outlook and staunch faith in the adage that “karm kar phal ka asha mat rakh”…so then how did I get rejected… I am the perfect modern day single independent woman…who has the world at her feet…how dare he reject me??
All I wanted was to go and do my two-bit for this kid who was battling blood cancer… she needed blood… blood I had… am human ....not an avatar….but apparently not…my blood was not good enough.
I never felt so humbled in my life… it was as if God was saying… “Smruti, you have been taking things for granted… especially your life… you have had it easy… now is the time to pull up your socks… let this be a warning”.
And I really am a bit scared… what if my other friends and colleagues were like me…then the poor kid would have not gotten her doze of O+ve, just because we modern day independent people like our daily tipple… luckily it was not an emergency situation…. Luckily my friends are not as cocky and stupid as me.
That’s it, I have decided, I will try and lead a much healthier life…will exercise not to lose the flab, but to increase my stamina and will try and kick my other bad habits.
Thank you, Anu, Mariam, Unni, Ankush, Vatsala, Priya, Sidharth and Radhika for coming to my rescue…and thank you God for sending that attendant to save my life.

Of Movies, Musings and Mixed Feelings

2010-01-06T14:10:00.003+05:30

After a long time I watched 2 movies back to back--- Raat gayi, Baat Gayi? and 3 idiots… now am feeling compelled to write about them. It’s not a film review…I am not qualified to be a film critic (although as my friend Varun says, being a film critic is now the “in” thing, everybody with a blog is one!). I just want to write whether I got my money’s worth in those 6 hours that I spent in the theatre munching popcorn.
Everybody has some expectations when they go for a movie… my expectation is to be entertained by the audio visuals playing on the screen –be it through comedy, action, drama, romance, etc… as long as I feel that I didn’t waste my time, as long as I wish that I was rather doing something else, I wouldn’t dish a movie.
No No, I am not dishing either of the movies… both were good … I didn’t feel like I was wasting my time. Although one was a slice of life peppered with some smart observations and witty repartees, the other was larger than life with great locations. I remember Rajkumar Hirani’s munnabhai series and how I’d loved them and I was equally impressed with this one… he manages to take the simplest, everyday theme (loved the argument of the pen is space… many students do ask that including me) and turn it into a magnum opus with ease (barring the recent credit controversies). That’s what I call telling a story is (compared to a recent blockbuster that I saw that had everyone raving about which was to me only a techfest with all fancy special effects and nothing more).
However, I am a little concerned why the other movie Raat Gayi, Baat Gayi only had 6 other people in the theatre as compared to all the idiots who crammed up the entire auditorium for the other one. RGBG was also a story well told, however I guess, it was a niche idea…appealing only to those who lead such lives, there was nothing aspirational about any of the characters…nobody would have liked to be the suave and successful Rahul Kapoor (Rajat Kapoor), the wimpy, sleazy, cute Amit (Vinay Pathak), the discreet Saxsena (Dillip Tahil) juxtaposed with their respective wives housewife seeking her identity Mitali (Iravati Harshe), dealing with wayward husband Nandita (Anu Menon) or the resigned trying to fit in Jolly (Navneet Nishaan) or the catalyst amongst them all the mysterious, sexy, seductive Sophiya/Archana (Neha Dhupia). Although deep down, many would have identified themselves with atleast one of the characters, few would want to be known as one.
Both the stories were told using past and present tense, both the movies had good actors who did justice to the characters they were portraying, however one is successful and the other is not. And the only reason that I find is that where one holds up a mirror and shows the reality as it is, the other wraps up the mirror in layers of hope. Where both end with a positive and hopeful note, one does it subtlety the other with fanfare.
And that is the difference Mr. Bhagat, whereas your book was witty, cynical and concentrated on the lives of the protagonists; the movie was funny, hopeful and sent a message to all through the protagonist. Although, I don’t know if justifies the makers/producers of the movie to dole out credits at the beginning or at the end, it is purely their call, since IT IS their product.
However, two things which made me feel a bit cheated were the Sanskrit shloks about farting and the drive from Delhi to Leh…just for the fact that the very same shloks were popular during my salad days (I would have liked to see some new forms) and the drive to Manali to Leh is 20 hours backbreaking journey and having done that recently was a bit upset with the ease with which the 2 idiots found the 3 rd one without any altitude sickness!
The mixed feelings are completely not related to the movies or musings on the same… they are about my own self…which is so selfish that it would rather enjoy watching the movie instead of going back home to be in time for a bro, who is tired after a long vigil at the hospital to nurse a ten year olds battle against cancer. Is that the power that Mr. Hirani wove over me and millions of other audiences to get the cash registers on fire or is it my dysfunctional life that finds solace in celluloid than in real life?

How I got Leh'ed

2009-10-21T19:54:00.006+05:30

In a nutshell...It all happened one drunken night...alcohol is one of the greatest stimulants of the creative juices... and coupled with the fact that my project was ending, me and my equally notorious 'out of work' friend decided to make this trip.
So with bags packed for about a month we left our cozy homes and unpaid bills and landed up in Delhi with nothing more than eager anticipation to get Leh'ed, the tickets and bookings be damned.
Apart from the obvious turn-on of the arduous trip through majestic peaks and succulent valleys, capturing the same on camera was a major thrill.... maybe we would get angles that no one has managed so far!
The preparation was not anything to write home about... it was the usual game ... but reaching the first base was the clincher... once you have reached the first base then making a touchdown is not a big deal (I mean how difficult can it get?)
Well the first leg was easy but then it was all uphill (literally) with at least 5 passes to cross…and boy was the ride rough and smooth in bursts…just when you thought that you had conquered one peak, then rose another majestic one… the whole journey was one overwhelming experience… you didn’t know where to look …you were surrounded by such beauty….certainly God was taking his time when he was creating this one!
Before starting on this ride, like a proverbial expert, I had thought I would finish it off in one day with a few hours to spare…but even before halfway through it I was tired… I was tired of the overwhelming feeling …tired of being so inadequate in front of such majestic beauty… tired of anticipating the climax. I was not sure if I wanted to continue… I wanted out… I chickened… I was not sure anymore if I wanted to be Leh’ed ;)
But then once in, you cannot opt out… it’s a one way ticket… so I geared myself and shrunk deep down in my jacket...peeping out once in a while to see if it was really there or I was hallucinating.
As soon as darkness fell, the ride became even bumpier… God’s sense of humour! And to make matters worse, we lost our way in those undulating trails and kept going around in circles. By the time we reached anywhere closer to touchdown, we were battered, bruised, exhausted, looked like something that the cat had dragged but our spirits were high… we were more than excited to get a first glimpse of what we had heard was one of the greatest. The high it gave me on was almost enough to make me breathless on that snowy night… or it could actually be the low oxygen content in that thin mountain air.
Well, what can I say, the first time was not good enough for me … the build-up makes it inaccessible. You would want it to respond to you, but like all first timers, I fumbled my way through it… the pressure just makes it stressfull…that and coupled with a brain freeze, closed road signs and snow all over.
Untill next time, and I will make sure that it is the season of love and not some harebrained wild goose chase up sinewy mountainous track. And yes, will take care of the brain freeze next time. So I will be Leh’ed nice and proper in the old fashioned way, eh…what.

Leaving on a Jet Plane….Dont Know when I will be Back Again!

2009-10-12T21:39:00.001+05:30

Well…not exactly leaving on a jet plane… but what the heck the rest of it is true… I am going to LEH-LADDAK….finally……..YAAAY!!!!!!!!

Just two friends who have no work (one by choice, the other by laziness) no money (no work no money), no plan (we believe in figuring out stuff on the way---naah, we are just lazy).

So the woolens are packed, the resolute steady…coz everything else is awry…. No bookings, no tickets, no backup plan, no knight in shining armour to rescue 2 distressed damsels (may happen), no angel to guide two adventurous city girls through the dark cold lonely desert!

Well…we both have different motives on going on this trip… and that has made me think why do people travel? Why do they pack their lives in 2 suitcases and hang a camera on their necks and go to places far far away and then call home and tell their family that they miss them? Why do people travel…so that they can click pictures, put them on facebook so that the whole world can see them??

Is it to get away from the mundane life … is it to explore that adventurous side of them, is it to see the beauty of another terrain-the culture, the food…to explore oneself …to find answers to life’s mysteries?

Well… I will only know after I have made that trip… maybe I will clear my head… maybe I will find answers to what I am looking for…but I am sure to have memories that make this trip special… stories to tell everyone.. and pictures that capture these moments (of course I will upload them!)…so Julley!

Fear

2009-10-06T20:25:00.001+05:30

The thing that finds umpteen mentions in all horror films and is voted as the second most emotion after love. Yet, many hesitate to give it the due importance that it necessitates just because they are afraid of whatever terror it might unleash if they give it its rightful due.

It is fear which drives this world…not money, not politics/power, definitely not love.

It is the fear of being ridiculed that prompts Mr Sharma to buy the plasma TV to put down Mr Gupta; it is fear of being second best that drives Prashant to put in the extra hours of work than Sumit; it is fear of ever growing love handles that sends Divya to the Gym; It is fear of not getting selected for the top institutes that pushes Ankit harder into his books; it is fear of not getting promoted that drives Priya to neglect her family; it is fear of being alone that builds walls around Madhu.

Why is fear so fearful?? Is it because unlike Money, it doesn’t multiply exponentially in a linear fashion but grows in all possible directions (screw the 3^rd dimension… we are talking about the 350^th dimension here). Is it because unlike Power (which only the strongest or the cleverest or the smartest get), anyone with any ‘est’ can get it. Is it because unlike Love, you don’t fill reams and reams of paper expounding the virtues of it.

What is fear?? How does one define it? Does it start with the small noise coming from the kitchen in the middle of the night… that suddenly wakes you up and as you lay listening to all the little noises of the night, you slowly realize that the loudest thump is coming from your own arteries blocked with fear…which then gets enveloped by the strange shadows being cast on the door from the living room… and as the shadows cast their mysterious web on the mind, the mind is consumed of thoughts unknown… from a simple noise possibly made by a house lizard bumping across the light bulb on its nightly vigil, the mind travels eons into the depths of all the horrors that can be conjured …pausing only to leave an imprint of fear… fear of extinction, fear of being slayed while sleeping, fear of being killed while you still have to achieve your dreams, fear of being exterminated while you were almost there on the first rung of the ladder of your dreams, fear of being annihilated while you haven’t provided for your near and dear ones, fear of being slaughtered without saying proper goodbye to your friends, fear of being murdered without having anyone to call to talk over this phenomenon called fear.

Is there any escaping fear?? There is … wait for the next post!

Go Green!

2009-10-05T12:31:00.003+05:30

The environmentalists are waking up now, I have been following the green bandwagon even before it was fashionable for the size zeroes to say 'kareena'. Although my love for the colour green had more to do with hormonal changes where in instead of checking out the fuzz on a man's face I preferred to study the designs of his cobbler.

Little did I know that the fad would put in an unusual spot in the future.

So when God with that twisted humour of his decided to spice things up ... few inglourious basterds came into the picture and saved the day.

I was left wondering how and why this whole situation arose... and am left with no answers... its one of those cosmic capers that make life so wonderful and confused at the same time... the confusion is solely the fault of my cynical nature and has nothing to do with the winged creature with the angelic smile.

Many have commented on the strangeness of the choice including yours truly, but strange are the ways of the estrogen and I have learned to live with it by now I guess.

Although the icing of the cake is that the bloke in question has moved from green to blue!

30 year old kisses 18 year old

2009-08-13T12:10:00.007+05:30

It was my friend bday and she was a bit depressed that she was turning 30 (I had been through the same feeling few months ago... so I could totally empathise with her), so we decided to spice things up for her ... we were at our regular watering hole and generally being the usual boisterous group owning to the fact that we were regulars there and all the waiters and managers were bullied into the celebrations, when somebody (I gladly take credit here) came up with this brilliant idea that the bday girl kisses the 3rd man that walks in the door.

So, with bated breath we waited and counted and we were really expecting a Johnny Bravo kind of dude to walk in... while bday girl was hoping that we all drop dead for coming up with this ridiculous idea (secretly hoping that the 3rd man be a really Cool Knight in Shinning Armour to walk in with complete fanfare) wheras the bday girls soulmate had already started flexing his muscles in an attempt to beat up the 3rd guy in any category.

Lo and Behold, Man 1 enters and is rejected by the sheer coincidence of numerical first, Man 2 is the 2nd best of the first variable and then enter a bevy of giggly girls... and our heartbeats have gone up a beat higher than F1 final leg... and enters Man 3....yooohooo.... but wait a min... it turns out to be an eighteen year old boy and like true protectors of the regular patron (read bday girl), the waiters and managers swoop in and surround the boy and start frisking him for his ID proof...coz people above 21 are only allowed... we waiting on the sides like bloodhounds also do our bit by screaming "You Boy... You Boy ...over here ...hurry... over here)...poor boy is all nervous, what with hysterical women screaming all over him and waiters and bouncers baying for his blood aka his ID....

In the midst of all this, the soul mate had a change of heart and propostioned the hapless boy for the bday girl... the poor boy didnt know what to do with this blatant demand, all the while trying to look cool since...then his girlfriend decided to step in and save his day (like all GF's do) and gave him "permision"... the boy timidly stepped up looking expectantly at the sword (read kiss) hanging over his neck (read lips) admist the whole gang cheering him on... imagine his horror when the bday girl equally timid gets up and plants a friendly peck on his cheeks... he almost fainted from the whole pressure of expecting a bazooka and being confounded with a pin dart!

The ordeal over, the hapless guy walks over to his table where his girlfriend is beaming at his feat like an indulgent mother, the waiters and bouncers are cheering that everything passed off smoothly and there was no bar fight, having forgotten to check his real age...the bday girls friends all looking disgusted at the letdown of not seeing tongues in action (they had themselves puckered up their lips anticipating the kiss), and the soul mate suddenly at a loss not knowing whether he did the right thing or not, the guinea pig boy relived that his intergity was not violated and he was safe from the clutches of the bouncers and the bday girl happy that the 30th bday had a great start!

It was a bit of fizzle that no newspapers/news channels which covered this very important event of the newly turned 30 year old... no headline which read "30 year old kisses 18 year old in a watering hole"...but what the hell, we all felt important being part of this historic event ... imagine what a story to tell the grandkids!

Well like Shakespeare said -- "All's Well that Ends Well"

MySpace

2009-08-05T15:15:00.008+05:30

Finally I am on My Space... no no ... not the networking site, but My Space literally... I moved from my PG digs to a rented apartment which I can call my own...since I am the only person stayin there... nobody else... Its me and meri tanhai...

So let me describe the new place for once and for all... Its a small cozy place with a small bedroom and a living room and kitchen together... of course there is a bathroom attached to the bedroom --- and thats it... thats the end of my well... now I can happily sit in my well and croak away to glory.

So my day begins by waking up and realizing that I can hog the newspaper, dont have to make breakfast according to somebody else's taste buds... since this is a great start to the day, the rest of the day passes equally brilliant.

So, here's to MySpace...where I can pretend to be Superman, Charlies Angels (all 3), Jamie Oliver, Jackie Chan, Ellen Degeneres, Chandler, Monica (more often) while cooking, cleaning and enjoy this new found independence!

Do Miracles Happen??

2009-07-19T22:42:00.001+05:30

Please say they do...coz I desperately need one right now.... I left my handycam in the cab... now all God needs to do is ensure that the cabbie sees it, overcomes the lure of easy money and notices his golden heart and comes back to return it. Can something like this happen??

Well, I don't know... all I can do is kick myself and believe that miracles happen...

But how conditional is my love for God... I will start believing in miracles if and only if my handycam finds its way back to me somehow, but if I dont get my handycam back, then I will turn a cynical eye to all the mysterious ways of God.

Why are we so conditional... why are we so attached to materialistic things... I don't remember feeling so miserable when my cousin bro passed away 5 days ago, at a very young age. How come a piece of engineered goods means more than a human life, how come miracles start making sense only when we lose any other hope of logic?

I have no answers yet... but now I do know that I am as conditional and materialistic as the next person... its a double blow to me... first the loss, second the realization.

Well, the good thing is that all these philosophical musings may take my mind off the loss.

However, if anyone finds a sony handycam with 2 GB memory stick (newly bought - thats why I was carrying the bloody camera in an amchi mumbai cab) in a black travel bag with a chance that my visiting card inside, please do return it back.

God....I do believe in you... I always have ... and I do believe in miracles as well...

Legally Gay???

2009-07-10T10:49:00.005+05:30

First they tell us that we need a certificate to be with the person we love (marriage), then they tell us that the person needs to be from the opposite sex...now they are telling us that it maybe ok if the person is from the same sex... well hang on ...Why do I need a rationing of love... of self-expression?

Detractors (read religious groups) are arguing that it is not natural... it is against God's will... well how the hell do they know what God's will is??

Adam and Eve committed a crime in the garden of Eden... it was a sin... for which humans are still paying... isnt this what we have been taught... well now I realize what the sin was... they made out with the opposite sex... they were meant to wait for the same sex person .... homosexuality was the order of the day!... same sex conjugality was a complete NO NO... thats why we were told that Adam and Eve committed the biggest Sin... but now with evolution, world politics, 6-packs, size zero, global warming, reality shows, Neverland, cloning, nanos, facebooking we have forgotten the original sin and replaced it with being Gay.

Woman Boss

2009-04-22T23:16:00.007+05:30

I was watching TV and came across this show called "Na aana iss desh mein Lado"... I don't know much about the storyline but I do know that its about the atrocities on the girl child. But what stuck me most as I surfed through the channel was that the main protagonist was a woman who was shown to be tough and had everyone at her beck and call... My question is how did she reach that position?? Why do people listen to her?? Why does she have so much power??

Then I realized that she was portrayed as this evil, heartless person... that's why she had the power... In popular media a Woman Boss is always portrayed as a heartless bitch (The Devil Wears Prada) and or a great soul who can never do any wrong (Mother India, Jassi Jaise Koi Nahin, Nirupa Roy as the eternal mother)...there are hardly any shades of grey for a woman...

Why So?

Why is it that to have power, people have to become hard-hearted, why cant normal people have any power? Is it bcoz to reach that level, one has to let go off emotions, be detached, be ruthless... have to play the game by its rules...as no new rules are allowed? Don' they ever let their hair down, make mistakes?

Why is it so tough for people to accept that a woman can be friendly, patient, demanding, understanding, supportive, tough, aggressive, no nonsense, flirty, charming, bitchy at the same time...all the qualities of a good boss.

Why is that when we see a woman who has reached the top- we have only 2 expressions..."Wow, she is hot...must have done the boss and all the people on the board" or "She is a bitch". As a woman who is single and is a boss... it is even worse... character assassination apart, she has to fend off unwarranted stares, jibes, and passes.

As a woman who has had led a team, I have had my share of insubordination, I had to work doubly hard and prove myself over and again to each new member to win their support, I've had to use foul language, guzzle copious amount of alcohol, work more than 14 hrs to be one of the boys and only then was I accepted as a boss. But everyone waited with bated breath for that one mistake to pounce on me so that they could say "I told you so, all fluff...no results"

Sometimes, they did get their chance.

Terrific Thirties

2009-04-19T19:35:00.007+05:30

I know it... my thirties will be terrific... As only few hours are left for me to be pushed into the whirlwind of responsibilities... I somehow feel liberated... free and eager...

All things that could have gone wrong with me has gone wrong... but that has not bothered me yet...I see it as a new beginning.

I have resigned from my current job with no offer in hand, I have a family to support, I don't have enough savings, I don't have a place to call my own, I don't have a name which is worth reckoning yet, I do not have a godfather... yet I anticipate that my thirties will be terrific... a far cry from my troublesome twenties...

But was my twenties troublesome?? I had the most amazing time working, studying, travelling, heart break, responsibilities ... it was quite a learning experience... I don't regret it ...infact I had so many new experiences in my twenties that I don't think the thirties will be able to beat that... there were so many firsts...

The moving out from parents, the first kiss ever (ok ok...so I was not exactly twenty...but I was closer to it ...felt as if I was in my twenties rather than in my teens), my first proper job not an odd job (I started earning in my teens), my first joint, first time drinking alone, first relationship, first trip alone, first huge fight to assert my independence, first time realization that I am all alone, first time elation in realising that I am all alone, first time booked for drunken driving, first time tattoo... wow that's some list that I am not ashamed off...

My plan for the thirties??? No plan... just live life ... listen to self...

Well, now that I have some idea what I want in life, I am excited... besides in my mind I was already 35, so the whole idea of entering the thirties doesn't scare me... or bother me...

I know that my thirties are going to be even wilder and unpredictable than my twenties... even though bills have to be paid, responsibilities have to be fulfilled, dreams have to be realized... I am upto it...

Bring it on... I am ready!

Commitment

2009-04-14T13:01:00.003+05:30

I did what everybody dreams of ...I quit on Monday... I really had no big reason to quit... but little small reasons... but all these are irrelevant...

During my chat with my Boss, where he asked me the reason for quitting... and we had a long discussion (oh how painful it was... It was similar to a break up with a boyfriend... I could almost predict his responses and the next questions) and we parted ways amicably... but the one phrase that stayed back with from the entire 2 hour conversation is that... " You are not Committed".... I wasn't expecting this... I was expecting something like "you are too arrogant" or "you are not a good leader", or "you cannot take criticism" or "you are not professional", etc ... but where on earth did this commitment thingy come from....

I seriously didnt get what he meant?? I still don't... never got it when my ex-BF had accused me of the same crime... I actually don't understand the meaning of the word commitment...people use it in sentences, and while judging someone .... but what does it mean???

Webster Dictionary Says ---
commitment
One entry found.
Main Entry:
com·mit·ment
Pronunciation:
\kə-ˈmit-mənt\
Function:
noun
1 a: an act of committing to a charge or trust: as (1): a consignment to a penal or mental institution (2): an act of referring a matter to a legislative committee b: mittimus2 a: an agreement or pledge to do something in the future ; especially : an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date b: something pledged c: the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled

Since, point (2) a: is not applicable to me... I would like to analyse the rest of the points vis a vis my boss's & exBF's statements....

I. EX BF -- "why can't you commit to me??"

ME -- what do you mean?? I like you, I want to be with you ... is that not enough...what the hell do you mean by commitment... do I need to sign on some dotted line??

Analysis - Lets refer to point 1 a: an act of committing to a charge or trust: as (1): a consignment to a penal or mental institution.

Well, committing to my BF as far as I had tried to understand was to be loyal to him physically while I could go and have an orgy with 20 men in my mind...I was free to ogle as long as I did it discreetly, I was free to lust as long as I didnt lunge at the object of lust. It was not ok that I wanted to play it by the ear in the future vis a vis our relationship, coz I didnt know what the future held but was willing to go through it with an open mind, but that was not acceptable to him. What however was acceptable to him was that I promise now and later go back in my words... aka the great Indian politician...

According to the dictionary, we are supposed to act accordingly to the trust bestowed upon us... hmmm, if there is trust then why this whole commitment word... in this shrinking world, doesn't saving even one word or phrase mean anything?? Needless to say I almost paid a visit to a mental institution.

Coming Back to my Boss's statement...

Boss: - You lack committment

Me: - (with my now famous dumb expression, thinking in my head... this commitment business will never leave me) I didnt get it.

Analysis: Did he mean, continuing to see through a change of philosophy at the drop of a hat without any protest. Isnt the word commitment applicable when the same conditions are applicable... for eg - if I had a piece of chocolate that I was asked to preserve and I had to commit my entire life in trying to preserve it and if I couldn't take care of the chocolate even after investing in a refrigerator to keep it at an optimum temperature...bcoz power cuts played havoc, or bcoz there is a shelf life even to the humble chocolate and it became bad because it was meant to me...would that make me not committed....

When asking somebody to be committed, do we ensure that the rest of the physical, emotional, spiritual temperament remains the same??

I think that the word commitment came into use, when wise men started looking for a scapegoat to wash their hands off. Since, things change, situations change and priorities change, even commitments cease, that doesn't lessen anyones integrity. People decompose after death, even the healthy ones, doesnt mean that they did not take care of their health... all good things come to an end and so does commitment.

Electrika!

2009-04-02T18:17:00.003+05:30

Last night as I was juggling calls between my special someone, the accidental intellectual stimulus and the painful adventurous ink... I had the most amazing conversation with all... One touched the forgotten kid, the lost innocence, the childish demands, the flirtatious woman in me and the other the rational, the individual, the spiritual, the vindicted while I was left nursing the pain, the agony, the self doubt all by myself... was I really alive, was I really alone, was I really with someone... Is my cross my own to carry... will there be no one? Do I need someone to show the torch, do I want someone to share my cross?

Unlike earlier times, when these kind of conversations would agitate me to a state similar to electrons revolving around the nucleus when put under extreme conditions of temperature and pressure... this time I was calm... I knew the responses in advance, I almost waited with bated breath to hear the next sentence... to compare mentally if this was what I was expecting to hear... I was not dissapointed.

Its a pity that I cannot reproduce the entire discussion... but the heady feeling of having it all... was not lost on me. I thanked my 'lucky' stars for being in such a situation ... wittingly or unwittingly, it was great fun.

To Be Or Not To Be....

2009-03-17T22:26:00.004+05:30

That is the question ...as Shakespeare had very rightly written and Hamlet espoused. When one has formed certain ideas... certain beliefs and held on to certain principles... for sometime now, then when the situation comes... and it does come in ones lifetime, for some it comes sooner than later, the question ceases to be a mere literature specimen meant to inspire and impress... it takes on a very serious persona....and it almost sticks to you like a shadow... there it pops it head and winks at you when you are brushing your teeth... it passes by you on a motorbike turning back and nodding at you at the curve in the road....there it makes eye contact with you for a fleeting moment when you step out of the elevator and then it vanishes... .vanishes for a few days ... then it shows its intense but ugly face when you least expect it...especially when you are happy and gay with friends... it comes as a dampner.... suddenly in the drink one moment, then in the subtle touch of the hottie sitting at the bar next to you... oh... it doesnt go away.... its like gnawing at me through my open wounds... its mocking at me... saying that is this what you spend so much time and energy fighting off everyone... to just give it up in one instant... is this enough... this holding on to your belief for longer than most people but not for ever... if you cant believe in yourself...then who can... then dont go around saying that people let you down... they dont ... you do...

2009-03-05T17:52:00.006+05:30

Life is dull these days... it must be if my frenz are reminding me that I haven't posted any thing new after the Pink Chaddi Campaign... its not that there has been no excitement in my life (really !) but that I have been too busy to write anything... I wrote a couple of scripts and was satisfied ... the lazy bum that I am.

Well... I can write about 2 major things that is keeping me occupied these days.. one is Shifu... the other is a space of 8 X 10 --- both are failed projects... so its better not to write about them...

lets delve into random musings... and stray thoughts that keep on filtering through my mind now and then... these thoughts range from the mundane to the metaphysical...

There is this whole phenomenon of 'Arranged Marriages' that is still prevalent in this country... where the families arrange the marriage between their children (correction - children of marriageable age... dont want the human rights commision on my back even if Balika Vadhu is in vogue). There is the ubiquitous panditji or mediator who plays the cupid ...although there is nothing remotely connected to love in these transactions... then the whole family schemes and plots to make the prospective bride and groom meet. The ackward couple meet under supervision and ask funny questions ....

Boy (sweating, wiping off the sweat and gulping down the sherbet and trying to be cool)- so you want to pursue a career?

Girl (nervous-at having to talk to someone who will be the pioneer of her future, scared - of saying something that would put her family name to shame, disgusted-at being treated like a peice of furniture and spoken to condeseedingly) - yes

Boy: Good good, I want a girl who works, double income will allow me to buy that Porsche that I have been eyeing...What are your interests?

Girl: (thinking in her mind ... As if I will let you use my money... I was thinking that I will be finally able to buy those Jimmy Choos without hampering my salon expenses) Interests... the usual... hanging out with friends, watching movies, etc...

Boy: Nice, dont you listen to music... I mean I love rock... I almost played in my college band

Girl: Really?? wow.... I listen to music but I like more of bollywood songs... when I go clubbing with my friends, I like to dance only on Bollywood numbers

Boy: Oh you go clubbing also?? With frenz... must be guys also... hmmm

Girl: what did that hmm mean?? Don't tell me you don't go clubbing... with girls as well

Boy: Oh I do... but those girls are different... I mean those short skirts and those carefree attitude is nice, but not for my wife...

Girl: (Accha saale, you can go have your fun and hang out with those girls but wont marry them) hmmm... well I have a lot of friends and some of them are guys and I love hanging out with them ... after a days hard work, it is kind of relaxing to meet your friends over few drinks and chill.... don't you think so...

Boy (so she drinks as well) yeah... we friends make it a point to catch up for drinks every saturday... I mean one is entitled for such things in the weekend... sometimes we go for a movie and then get together for drinks... what is your favorite movie??

Girl: Oh I like Jab We Met... really nice movie...

Boy: Oh I also liked it... it was very realistically potrayed... do you eat non-veg??

Girl: Only chicken... I like chicken wings that is served at Pop Tates... they really make it ...

Boy: Really... I also like chicken wings... wow we have some common tastes, literally... hehe

Girl: hehe... (and he thinks its funny...well not bad... maybe we can make it work...besides he is good looking and earns decently as well)

.......And so the match is made and the boy and girl get married and fumble through their relationship the first few years and try and be happy accepting the hiccups that come their way, etc... because society expects us to judge a person based on their behaviorial habits and follow its norms. Incase a person questions these norms the taq of eccentric and loose moraled person sticks on especially if she is a woman who knows what she wants.

Sample some common arguments/reason that is given by Parents and friends ....

1. You are running out of time

2. Your biological clock is ticking

3. Why you doing this to your parents

4. What will our relatives and society say

5. There is a time and age for everything

6. You will regret it later

Well the only that I cant understand about arranged marriages is the setup of the boy and girl ...I mean why do they have to meet up??? Its an arranged marriage for crying out loud... which means that parents will arrange it... they will see a family with similar values, a boy or girl with good upbringing and decent education. The job or work in hand and fix the date of the wedding... so why do the guy and girl have to meet and assess each other??? Arranged marriages are the responsibilty of the parents...why do parents want to share the responsibility with the children... why cant they make up their minds about it... is it because they dont know how it marriage is going to turn out... is that why they leave the final decision with the kids... so in that case why dont they leave the entire responsibilty to the kids itself....

well I have no answers.....help somebody.

Pink Chaddi Campaign

2009-02-10T20:34:00.007+05:30

Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women or the Pink Chaddi Campaign is a brilliant Idea.... I read about the campaign today in the papers and by night, all major news channels had jumped into the foray and we could see reporters waving pink chaddis in their piece to cameras (PTC)...however, the hapless reporter was as clueless as the average mumbaikar who usually does not follow whatever is happening in other lesser cosmopolitan places...read Mangalore.

However, the netizens of India are all for this campaign... they have signed on to facebook, have commented on the blog and have set their gtalk status to reflect the recent happenings of the chaddi... the latest breaking news from the chaddi buddies was that the pink chaddis were pouring in all the collection centres and the perverted courier boys were having a field day...

Here is a report from our very own Mrs Sharma (my source for all info...be it crime, sales, bollywood gupshup, cricket or stock tips...she has the news first)

Mrs Sharma: Err, can I drop my panties...sorry chaddis...

Courier Boy: yes yes maidum...we are always willing to give a hand ...

Mrs Sharma (shocked): What???

Courier Boy: maidum, we will help you drop the chaddis right here, right now

Mrs Sharma (still shocked): haaaiiii ram, kya kalyug aa gaya.... koi respect hi nahin hai...main tumhari maa ki umar ki hoon

Courier Boy (unfazed): Maidum, koi baat nahin... we take all sizes... there is no problem if chaddis are big... infact I say the bigger the better, I will have to use a bigger packing... good for my daily report maidumji, I may even get promotion....

Mrs Sharma: arrey chup, nalaik...tumhare gharwale tumhe yeh seekhate hai... main toh yahan aayi thi pink chaddi bhejne, aur mujhe kaise pevert mil gaya...I better go...

Courier Boy: lekin maidum, where you going, you didnt drop your pink chaddis yet...what they are not pink...do not worry maidum, we have instructions to collect other colours also, but my boss has said that other colours will be packed in different boxes, he is planning to sell them to the ruling party... who in turn can sell them back to us citizens so that we can run maybe a blue chaddi campaign for the dalit movement, green chaddi campaign for the minority and a red chaddi campaign for the left parties. Infact maidumji, dont tell anyone, but I have started pinching off a few panties now and then, especially the lacy ones, to Lovely Blouse Centre, in Ghatkopar (east). They were thinking of expanding their business into underwear but because of the recession, they have shelved this idea... but thanks to these Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women, this business will start soon, I have bought 20% partnership in Lovely Blouse Centre and I think my career will get a push-up.

Mrs Sharma (disappointed): well then, all the best....

Well, thank you Mrs Sharma for the lovely ...err... word by word account... I guess I should go through my wardrobe and empty all the chaddis that have been collecting dust... hey one more reason to go shopping and then meeting my frenz for some drinks later on... who is getting the beer...hic

DEV.D

2009-02-07T11:37:00.002+05:30

DEV.D, a much awaited movie... got to see it last night... it was really amazing.... liked the much famed trippy shots that Anurag had used (thanks to Danny Boyle)... the disclaimer (I want to call it disclaimer rather than front credits...as it warns us this is not the classic adapted for cinema) says that it is loosely inspired by the book devdas by Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay...
However, No smoking had kind od raised the bar for me and I was waiting to be blown away...which didnt happen...although Abhay Deol did get blown away quite a few times in the movie!
It is not a movie which one can go expecting to be entertained, but it is a movie which raises questions and self doubt, a hallmark of all Anurag Kashyap films. The music was great, even the background score --- it was apt for the situation and not for a moment did it feel out of place or unnecessary... the acting was superb by all three... Abhay Deol shone and has left all other actors fighting for the King status long behind...
The story was interpreted in the modern day setting...with all the highs and lows that come with binging, drugs and sex. The characters were very real and the dialogues very apt for the story line. However, I am not very amused by the audience which came to the theatre to be titialated....it shows that even though Devdas as a character had adapted to the modern scenario, the audience still needs to grow up.
Well, I want to write more, but I have a shoot to finish (was writing this review inbetween costume changes) and besides I am too tired... havent slept in the last 48 hours...

... will continue in the next break ....hopefully

To the Revolution

2009-01-26T16:33:00.002+05:30

Here's a poem that a very good friend and writer wrote, on India's 57th Republic Day, on 26th January 2006, trying to capture and criticize the new world order of terror and war; a scenario our generation was hitherto unaware of...
I think 3 years down the line, this poem is even more relevant today ... Thanks Varun for letting me use it...

Hey…did you kill me…
in the name of the revolution?
Did you tell me,
The name of the revolution..?
I was a boy, growing up easy,
It was a world, simple and rosy…
"Rosy?", you said, "rosy my foot,"
"Nothing's rosy anymore, life's a brute
"Yeah, life's a brute, 'cos I was dead,
in the name of the revolution.
But….did you tell me,
The name of the revolution..?
And did you tell them,
I am a martyr…?
Did you tell them,
What's a martyr?
Did you tell them,
How I am one?
Did you tell them,
Their own son….…
picked up the gun, and killed two,
In the name of the revolution..?
And did they ask,
The name of the revolution?
To heaven, I would go…
I heard it once,
Yeah, I could hear,
Amid the firing guns,
That heaven is for those,
Who have the gun,
(And a 'resolution')
Then why did I feel,
Five bullets inside my head,
'To hell with the revolution?'
And please, What's the name of the revolution?

Moms shouldn’t fall ill

2009-01-10T21:12:00.000+05:30

They shouldn’t…they have no right to…who will deal with the milkman, vegetable boy, maid, etc
But being bought up in the Indian society where Mom’s rule the heartstrings of every child born…with countless bollywood productions having the mater play the pivotal role (a Botoxed rakhi urging her Karan & Arjun to finish off the evil thakur, a cuddly Reema Lagoo giving her gold bangles to her son’s sweetheart just to indulge her son Salman Khan in Maine Pyar Kiya…to Kiron Kher not being able to decide what to call her son’s partner in Dostana).
But can one ever imagine a mom to be gone from the house that she builds … I frankly didn’t. I did imagine a life on my own where I would cook my own meals, do my own washing and nurse myself back from the occasional fever (all the while suppressing thoughts of moms calming touch on my hot forehead)…but I had never bargained for a role reversal… where I had to look after my mom…can this species called ‘Mother’ afford to fall ill??
My answer is no…they do not have the luxury or should I say they should not have the luxury of calling in sick one day…as my mom recently did… I came running to take charge …eager to follow in my mom’s footsteps and managing both home and hearth…little did I know the challenges that lay in front of me! Forget taking care of both home and mom… it was a wonder that I could find the salt and sugar in the kitchen… do moms have an internal catalog of all bottles and a flowchart of all jobs to be done in a day…from jhaadu-poocha, dusting, laundry, cooking 3 different meals making sure there is something special for each individual …according to their taste and medical history…phew… that’s a lot of work…and I have not even listed the Aarti and Pooja and the numerous telephone calls …making people listen to you… I ended up bossing everyone and cooking bad meals at the cost of either the laundry or the Aarti, or something or the other… I was not able to complete all the tasks… I did not get the MOM ISO certificate…sob sob… I still have a long way to go.
Isn’t this the reason that before gender equality became a hep word, the male species used to subjugate the female species to home only…they were afraid that the same efficiency would render them incompetent…as is proved nowadays?
Well enough beating around the bush…all I want to say is that…mom plz get well soon and come back home and manage it like clockwork…give me the relief so that I can concentrate on my work and do what I am good at…nothing!

Is it a Bird, a Plane...Superman??

2008-12-20T00:54:00.001+05:30

No, it’s me paragliding ...in tandem...since I still have to learn how to fly on my own...but hey I atleast did it...for the 2nd time!!
It so happened that my producer who was supposed to shoot paragliding for his show fell ill, so I had to go in his place...and boy was I glad that he fell ill (sorry Neeraj) but this was one shoot that I am really glad of.
The whole trip was quite adventurous by itself even the non-flying part. We started at 1800 hrs from Mumbai...but got lost somewhere in Thane where we had to pick up Reema (my asst. Producer) but neither the driver, nor Sunil (cameraperson) nor Reema knew how to reach the expressway ...we went around in circles and wasted around 2 hours trying to figure it out.
When you ask people directions... it becomes a compulsion for them to show us the way even if they don’t know... Indian Hospitality at its best! Why is it so difficult to say “Sorry Boss, don’t know the way...ask somebody else” instead to sending hapless people like us on a wild goose chase. By the time we found the expressway and were happily enjoying the drive (it’s an amazing drive on the expressway...there are numerous tunnels and the minimum speed limit is 80km/hr... so it’s a Vrrroom experience). I was quite content with the fact that Sunil knows the way, having been there before...but then I noticed that he was dozing; forget telling the driver the way... it was on my frail shoulders that the responsibility of reaching Kamshet fell... and I like always rose to the occasion. By the time we reached Kamshet it was 2300 hrs (it actually takes 2 hours to reach Lonavla from Mumbai and Kamshet is around 20 Kms away from Lonavla...so you do the math). Not only that we got lost while coming back to Mumbai as well... I reached home at 0500 hrs in the morning the next day ... I saw all the places that I had always heard about...Bhiwandi, Gorbunder, Khopoli, etc . It was fun....plz plz plz don’t miss the sarcasm here... you wouldn’t if you have spent almost 48 hours awake...getting lost, shooting, getting lost... it was flying that gave me some hope... I knew that I can’t die ...I knew that I had to return to civilization to tell the story...if not to my grandkids then to all netizens .
Since Kamshet is a village and the nightlife is not as vibrant as Mumbai...we did not even meet a stray dog there...so quite predictably we got lost again...despite numerous calls to the guy (Sanjay Rao) whose resort (Flying Nirvana) we were going to ...we did however saw a guy standing in the middle of the road in the middle of the night in the chill of the mountains smoking ...we dare not ask him directions... but as luck would have it... all the other people that we managed to bump into were all dead drunk...so Kamshet was not that dead a place...it must have a hep bar to have so many people drunk!
Against all odds, bad roads, equally bad driving and endless phone calls later we reached Nirvana...were shown into a cottage which was really beautiful. That kind of made up for all the time wasted in commuting. Then we realized that flying was supposed to start early morning at 0600 hrs and it was already 0100 hrs...the rest of the people at Nirvana were all sleeping ...so we decided to call it a day and turned in as well. But the sleep god had some other plans... Reema complained that she can’t sleep in strange places...and if she talks to a boring person, she can sleep... again I rose to the occasion...but she was so drawn into my conversation that she could not sleep!
Anyways, we did manage to get some shut eye for a couple of hours and were ready to fly ...post our introduction to Sanjay and his crew we ready with our camera and watched wide eyed many homo- sapiens in the air...it was a sight to see... wish we didn’t have to work/shoot...wish we could fly . There were few rookies who were learning the tricks of the trade and some high-flyers who were honing their skills...but all were a treat to watch...or thats what I thought. Sanjay told us that there will be another group who will fly post lunch at a different place at a much higher altitude and we could go there.
The place was beautiful... there were no rookies here... everybody had been flying for couple of years and the heights that they could soar upto was literally out of the world... I saw an eagle do a vertical spin ...maybe it was just jealous, maybe it committed suicide. After finishing our work, we also went on a tandem ride.
This was really one of the best experiences of my life... I was up in the air without any mechanised motor...strapped onto a harness which in turn was attached to a piece of cloth shaped like a wing...but the feeling was awesome... I would be lying if I said that I was not scared ...I was... a teeny weeny bit...but initially when the harness was being double checked ... but that was because I wanted to shoot the flight and my handycam didn’t have a safety strap...I was scared that I might drop it ...besides I had a battery life of only 5 min (my battery adapter was stolen from my last trip to Sindhudurg and I still haven’t had the time to get a replacement)...but once I was up in the air... the view was so breathtaking and the moment so precious...that I didn’t need any Handycam to store those memories in digital format... I have them permanently etched in my mind.
I will put up my videos as soon as I find the time to digitise them...watch this space...

Working Stills

2008-12-05T23:41:00.003+05:30

I had the oppurtunity to shoot from the top of Air India Building (a chance that few people can avail of) and I managed to click some stills (sadly I had only my camera phone... the rest of the footage is work related hence cant share it here)... even if the quality is not so good... its rare for me!!!

Enjoy!

Mumbai Struck Again

2008-11-28T12:31:00.001+05:30

It’s all over the idiot box and newspapers... people have forgotten their daily schedule and are glued to the television sets as the great Indian rescue drama unfolds.... in the era of no original soaps, thanks to a just concluded strike by television technicians... news channels have offered some gruelling action drama.
It all started around 21:00 hrs at Cafe Leopold when a group of young twenty something’s stormed in and started firing at the public... then Oberoi was stormed into and grenades lobed and rounds from AK-47 fired... by then pandemonium had spread and the news channels had dispatched their teams to catch the action ... by then Taj was entered and rounds fired there and some hotel guests taken hostage...few terrorists entered CST and opened fire, another group of terrorists went to the Cama Hospital and opened fire...The ATS team arrived under the able guidance of its chief Hemant Karkare. He went in to fight the terrorists without knowing who or why they had taken so many people hostage, thinking it was action film and unlike the movie, the hero was shot dead within minutes of entering ground zero... encounter specialist Salaskar and ACP Kamte were also shot dead... the death of these senior officers is a huge blow to the Mumbai police ... and to us Mumbaikars ...if these seniors were not prepared to handle this kind of situation then how can we depend on the friendly neighbourhood ‘pandu’ to protect us from such terror attacks... coz attacks like this is here to stay... it is upto us to be prepared..It is upto us to be not only swift in our action but efficient as well...
Well anyways... after gunning down these valiant officers, they made their getaway in a police car firing indiscriminately at random people.....the car passed through Metro and fired there as well....then there was a blast at Ville Parle which is around 25 km away... hence the attacks were well planned...
But why the hell am I giving you these details... you can find them at any newspaper or news channel... unfortunately, we were shooting at these very locations (Oberoi, CST and Metro) and had left these locations 30 min before the shootout started... I say unfortunate coz, had we been there we would have got live footages ... although we did manage to get live footage albeit a bit late since the drama is still on... it’s been more than 38 hours and rescue operation is still on...Black cat commandoes have taken over and many hostages freed and few terrorists killed....
One thing that bothers me is ...if these people had taken innocent people as hostage ...was it to buy their escape route out of Mumbai... did they contact anybody about it.... was it a suicide mission ...are we going to talk about this incident for the next couple of weeks and also talk about the undying spirit of Mumbai (read Helpless) and then forget the whole incident as another terror attack under reams of newsprint and spools of videotape...Is it finally time to be on the offensive for us? Will we ever get the upper hand... do we need to scale up our anti terror tactics, laws, personnel, morale???
I’ve been in office... trying to help the news team in whatever little way I can... coz my shoots have been cancelled... all units are covering the shootout, all video editors are busy editing all the various angles that this drama has unfolded... I did offer to my boss to be sent on to the field if there was a shortage of reporters (without knowing how to go about it)... My parents have been calling me up and asking me to go home and stay put there (poor guys don’t understand the importance of news ... I guess they don’t realize that I work for a News Channel)...and to top it up...my crazy aunty went on a fun 3 day trip to Lonavla!!!
In the midst of this I realized, I haven’t had time to go meet my Sis-in- Law who just had had an operation for cancer and is still hospitalized... I’m just not able to find time to go meet them.
What is that which I can do?? Are they any other who want to help but don’t know how?? Can we do something together??

humming along!

2008-11-25T00:15:00.004+05:30

So much is happening... that I'm quite lost ... I'm just reacting to things not planning it out... but since its been a long time that I haven't spend any time here... I decided to do the honours today... there is an occasion... I got Internet connection for my laptop at home!!! yaaaaa!!! I'd been procrastinating for quite some time...besides there was genuinely no spare time to do all this... but all this happened thanks to a hummer... I met a guy who owns a hummer and a Cadillac and is getting a Maserati...now my knowledge about vehicles is as expansive as my knowledge about the financial condition of Peru...but I atleast know how an hummer looks... n boy I like the way it looks!!!...

To cut a long story short... met this chap (Sagar) at a shoot... got talking (producer in me is really active...I dont leave any prospective source) and went for a drive... planned some more shoots with him... he also helped me get the Internet connection... it all happened in the span of last 48 hrs... so boy am i humming along...u bet ur 18 inch modified tyres that I am...

Btw just packed up my shoot at Red Light for the channel id.. it was ok...cud have been better... but with limited resources ... this is what I cud do...like they say at channel V..."itne paise mein itna hi milega"...

Fun is never planned

2008-10-31T14:41:00.001+05:30

Another week, another list of events ...some good some average, most not worth mentioning. Mumbai celebrated Diwali with much gusto, despite the fall in the sensex... I guess nothing affects the spirit of festivities here.
On Diwali eve, the office was all decked up and so were we... we had traditional wear day and there was a lot of giggling and festivities...as expected I was completely turned off with all the unnecessary giggling even though I had made an effort to dress up in what I hoped to pass off as traditional wear...nobody bothered or noticed anyways.
I was out shooting on Diwali night and was really glad for the opportunity as I had never ventured out on Diwali night in Mumbai and never really knew how amchi Mumbai celebrates it...well, it is the same way as in Delhi, Bangalore or any other place...people burst crackers and create a din, there is a lot of smoke and unnecessary happiness... the fireworks look nice ...but only if you can shake off the smoke that surrounds it and the niggling doubt that kids have been subjected to work in sub-human conditions in these factories.
We were in the middle of the shoot and in the middle of an almost choking attack (courtesy the smoke) when a stray bit of fire from some fire cracker hit my cameraperson bang on his left cheek and burnt his face. The crowd all eager to talk to the camera dispersed in an instant, the shoot was cancelled and we started hunting for a chemist shop... Sunil (cameraperson) meanwhile is hitched on to the compact mirror which Reema (intern) has kindly lent him...it’s a legitimate reason for him to preen in front of a mirror... and like a kid with a new toy, wouldn’t let go of the compact mirror, we had to finally trick him to get it back. For some reason, I came alive (with all my bad jokes) only when Sunil was injured... strange... I am a sadist after all. I kind of enjoyed describing in detail how the burn spread, how the colour and texture of the burn looked, etc disgusting Reema and hopefully scaring Sunil.
The day following Diwali was kind of slow as the hangover of the festivities was still in the air like the smell of fire crackers... there was not much accomplished work wise but we did play truth n dare (without the dare part) and some other game... in office... and managed to embarrass few colleagues and shock others with my wicked mind apparently.
Just realised that fun moments are never planned.

Stress, Riots and Jhankar Beats

2008-10-21T12:08:00.003+05:30

When I had started this blog, it was meant to be a disciplined blogger not writing about stray incidents... but I hadn't reckoned on the fact that blogging is a full time occupation...I haven't found the time to pen down so many important events that have happened in the last couple of weeks.

However, since today is kinda a landmark day ....hence can't ignore it ...but like a true Mumbaikar (ahem ...can visualize the Thackerays getting permanent frown lines) I chose to club other issues with it and finish off the backlog!

Well these days is kinda hectic... with the impending launch of the channel, most of my waking hours are at the office, I just go home to crash and shower. I've had my moments of self doubt and the feeling of failure has become a permanent fixture in my mind... I don't seem to motivate my team enough to make them work to the best of their ability and achieve their deliverables. My boss keeps on reassuring me that they don't have the bandwidth to understand the word deliverables, leave alone execute the same...but the fact remains that I am not a good team leader.

With so much stress going on... Raj Thackeray has gone and gotten arrested... His MNS had beaten up non-maharastrains who were applying for railway jobs and since this vigilante behaviour has been going on for some time, the authorities decided to show their power and arrested Raj, thus enabling him to become a bigger hero in the eyes of the public. But amchi Mumbai has a strange way of showing support ...here people start rioting, burning taxis and autos with the rapid action force out with their lathis.

Hapless office-goers think ten times before venturing out...the client presentation is important so is their own safety... what if the rioters chose them to express their anger...do they also display their smattering of Marathi to safeguard themselves or do they beg and plead to get some semblance of sympathy.

That’s an individual choice and I wish all of them good luck to endure one more day like this... as for me, when I left my house I was lucky to find a taxi and auto. However, the auto wallah insisted on playing "Aisi Dewangi, Dekhi Nahin Kabhi, Maine-Tumne" with jhankar beats... I couldn't help laughing at God's sense of humour...the lyrics were appropriate to the situation and the jhankar beats (tudum-tudum....dhinchak...dhinchak...tudum dhish) adding the right tone.

Here's to another day in Mumbai and cudgels to the guy who invented Jhankar Beats!

Puppy Love

2008-10-02T16:41:00.001+05:30

As much as I detest kids (I find them to be pesky creatures who are always needy...they either need food, somebody to change their diapers, play with them, talk to them...or simply give them tons of attention), I can’t help being amused by few kiddie things that they do.
I have guests in the house right now; they are my landlady’s daughter and grandson who have stopped over in Mumbai, on their way from a vacation in the US to Australia where they reside. The grandson (Shaan) is like any other kid of his age (3-4 years) who wants to watch Cartoon Network all day and not eat anything and wants everybody to buy him toys.
Couple of days ago, I came back from work all exhausted around midnight, had my dinner, watched the customary idiot box for some time and passed out on my bed. I was woken up by my landlady screaming “what the hell are you doing here”...I woke up all confused and hazy ... “what am I doing in my bed in my room, at this hour??”.... “Playing football”... what did you expect....of course I am sleeping... these words were about to find my voice box but for the simple fact that at that point of time my nerves were not responding to my tired brain... and thank god for that... coz the next second I realized that the little bundle of mischief was sleeping next to me!!!
I didn’t even know he was sleeping next to me... I didn’t hear him open my door, enter my room, close the door and climb into my bed...either he was a pro in climbing into other peoples bed without making any noise or I really am a sound sleeper.
Well, I was apologetic to my landlady who picked up the kid and went out of my room giving me the looks... the next day when the kid was questioned on why had he walked in the middle of the night to my room he said “I wanted to sleep on her body”...mind you...it’s not sleep with her, next to her, with her...its sleep “on” her body. His mom explained that he likes me a lot since we share a similar passion for Cartoon Network...Needless to say I was quite freaked out... maybe the kid knows this is the way to freak me out... as a punishment for not buying him toys... I shall buy him toys today...definitely... I don’t want any kids climbing into my bed... now if that was John Abraham or Brad Pitt ...well ;)

Eid Mubarak

2008-10-02T16:11:00.004+05:30

The other day I went to Md. Ali Road with Eliaz, an ex-colleague of mine from Turner... we have been planning to go every year during Ramzan, but were finally successful this year.
The food was delicious... there was chicken (roasted, fried, curried), liver, trotters, tongue, bater(game bird), naan, rotis, mutton, beef chops, seviyaan, malpua, aflatoons, paan, etc... The trick was to eat at the roadside stalls inside of the restaurants.
The frenzy, the fervour that one can witness at Md Ali Road can only be surpassed by the Ganpati Visarjan in Mumbai.
This is a very unique thing about Mumbai and Mumbaikars... every festival takes on a passion that is hard to ignore. Everyone irrespective of religion, caste, creed, race, sex has active participation in all the happenings.
This is truly a cosmopolitan city. However, I was not able to keep all my Roza’s due to a trip to Sindhudurg to shoot a travel show... but no worries, I shall be even more particular next year and will make it up then. But as for now, I shall quickly order some biryani and Haleem...yum!

Btw EID MUBARAK to all!!!

Official Trip

2008-10-02T15:51:00.002+05:30

On the eve of World Tourism Day, MTDC took a bunch of journalists to Sindhudurg district to see the beauty of the place. The incentive was a alleged press conference with the revenue minister Mr. Narayan Rane.
Being from the programming side of the channel and waiting to shoot a travel show with the minimum amount of expenditure, I jumped on to the bandwagon with as much gusto as the journalists, armed with 5 bags of equipment (camera, lights, et al) and 2 more bags with personal effects.
The rest of the team gave me suspicious looks, they were armed only with a pen and a note book (the weapon of a true journalist) and an occasional camera or so... I ignored the looks and the language (predominantly Marathi...I only knew a smattering of it) and started briefing my cameraperson on the kind of visuals and treatment that we would need to do.
Seeing our enthusiasm, the others also decided to shoot a small feature or documentary to impress their top brass... more often than not, I found the other camera persons shooting from the same angle as we were.
Unfortunately, the organizers hadn’t counted on trigger happy camera crew like us and most of the 2 day trip was spent on the bus travelling from one place to the other with 5 min stops to see the beauty of the district.
Our first stop was on a roadside restaurant for dinner, where I took out my Handycam to shoot the group in an effort to break the ice and overcome the language barrier, but I wasn’t quite successful.
Early Friday morning found us at a MTDC resort called Madhuvan where we stopped to freshen up and continue our journey towards Vijaydurg. The resort was one dilapidated one where the towels had two big holes as its USP!
Vijaydurg was a fort where few local politicians had gotten together to light the Maashal which was to be carried by a group of runners for the Meet on World Tourism day at Sawantwadi. The fort was surrounded by the Arabian Sea and as part of the run up to the event; there were folk dancers in green skirts (all men!!) and dhol beaters (trance at its best!) and school kids in Shivaji costumes. Unfortunately we could only stay there for few minutes as we had to rush to the next location - Kunkeswar Temple; But not before some 'Ghawne & alu sabzi with Thalipeeth" as breakfast. So what if breakfast was at 1230 hrs in the afternoon, it gave us the energy to play Antakshari in the bus.
We reached Kunkeswar all charged up and shot as much as we could in those 5 min that were allocated to us as we had to rush to the next location Tarkali Beach... I did get the feeling that we were playing the "Amazing Race - Sindhudurg" although there was no prize money at the end of this marathon!
We hit Tarkali Beach around 1700 hrs and headed straight for a sumptuous lunch of "Surmai fry, Bangda curry, rice and Sol Kadi" and post lunch we did manage to shoot some more footage.
Then we were on the road again ... on our way to Amboli resort... we reached the MTDC guest house (thankfully no more towels with holes, although there was no hot water in the shower....actually the shower didn’t work...we had bathe the old fashioned way of bucket and mug) around 2130 hrs. After freshening up, we headed straight to the dining room...there was a lavish spread of chicken tikkas, fried prawns, chicken biryani, chicken curry, rice, chappatis, salad, mango srikhand, etc albeit all cold...since we were running four hours late on schedule.
After dinner, everyone went for a walk, but Sunil (my cameraperson) and me got into battle mode and made plans to get up early to shoot... we reasoned that since the rest of the group would sleep till late, we will get some advantage over them as well as get the morning light.
Saturday Morning at 0600 hrs, we were ready with our camera and tripod in place and shot whatever we could manage till the others got up and joined us.... it was at that point that I just realized what the word “Competitiveness” means... none of the other journalists had a brief from their seniors on making a feature, they were supposed to cover the press conference only, but when they saw us shooting a feature, they wanted to do the same and earn brownie points!
Then we were on the road again to Sawantwadi for the press conference stopping for 5 min en-route to shoot some waterfalls.
Sawantwadi was a small bustling town all ready to welcome the high profile Revenue Minister ... the seminar went as planned (although I struggled to understand the language...I also dozed off in-between) and as soon as Mr. Narayan Rane left the podium all journalists breezed off after him to “Shilpagram” – the art & craft village where the minister answered questions to the eager journalists and where all of us feasted on a lavish spread of Malvani cuisine. There were crabs, different varieties of fishes, prawns, modaks, rice, ghawne, solkadi, etc.
As the day drew to an end, I realized that I had not got enough footage to make a travel show, I pulled all the strings that I could (the producer in me rose to the occasion) and I managed to convince a municipal officer to arrange for our stay and facilitate our shoot. From here onwards the shoot went on smoothly since we were not dependent on a third party.
We left early on Sunday morning to Sindhudurg fort ... to reach the fort we had to take a boat ride and once inside the fort, we lost ourselves in the serene surroundings and beautiful ruins.
After pack up we returned back to Sawantwadi to catch a bus back to Mumbai ...since I was dead tired from the shoot, I slept like a log in the bus till we reached Mumbai... however, that was not the end of the day for me... I got a call from the office for yet another shoot... this time it was to capture the fastest singer in India (or should I say the world?) Shankar “breathless” Mahadevan for the recording of our channel ID...but that as they say is another story...err another blog post ;)

Cellphone wonders

2008-09-17T14:00:00.004+05:30

These pics happened by accident... this beauty flew in and sat on my laptop... There was no time to get lights and professional camera organised, had to click on my cell phone camera... maybe thats why they are a bit pixelated...but still ... a thing of beauty is a joy forever...

OMG, I'm finding butterflies beautiful...what is wrong with me... is this the Smruti that I knew?? hehe multiple personalities at work... wink wink.

Homosexuality

2008-09-15T12:23:00.003+05:30

I want Ramadoss to be successful in his mission of legalising homosexuality in India. I am not a closet lesbian, happy about the whole thing ...nor am I a homophobic who secretly hopes that legalising it would make all homophobic breathe a sigh of relief.
I am just an observer who cannot but help notice that the vast Indian population is made up of homosexual beings. Look anywhere and you will find that I am not wrong. Men dance with each other in all kinds of religious processions (behold the frenzy, the fervour, the closeness of the anatomies), at shopping malls, at cricket matches, at work, at watering holes... you name it and I bet that you will find at least one such pair.
I haven’t had the chance to observe much about other societies hence I can’t comment on how normal this situation is, but it certainly is ironical that in a society where people of opposite sexes rarely mingle with each other, there is no sensitivity or legal sanctity for homosexuals.
Right from childhood we are groomed to stay away and fear the opposite sex; hence we grow up as misinformed prudes. It is ok for us to hold hands with our girlfriends, but if we even speak for more than fifteen minutes with a guy, everybody including the guy thinks it’s an affair! Can I also include crimes against women as fallout of this theory??
I am just hoping that Ramadoss uncle manages to legalise homosexuality so that at least we as a society stop being hypocrites. We will at least then accept our true identities. Like my friend Charu explains “We are all born homosexuals, all of us possess latent homosexual tendencies but due to societal pressures act otherwise. A same sex relationship has far better chances of surviving than a relationship between opposite sex as both the partners would understand each other much better”
Well Charu, if Ramadoss has his way, we certainly will test the validity of your theory, till then I shall continue to watch men dance with each other during the procession of drowning elephant God. Amen.

God is Deaf!

2008-09-12T15:14:00.003+05:30

I don’t understand Religious Processions
I seriously don’t. There is some kind of fervour in the air that defeats my idea of religion...isn’t religion supposed to provide you with the path to God/Nirvana... isn’t that supposed to be an individual thing...then why does the whole community descend on the streets with all the religious finery amid nerve rankling noise passed off as traditional music. Why oh lord why??
Since light travels faster than the speed of sound, you can see disco lights and huge halogen lights from a distance, getting closer, you know that you can save some energy in your house by switching off the light bulbs inside as well as the TV...unless you want to watch it in mute.
Then comes the cacophony of drums in the same monotonous beat which clashes with some other troupe...some troupes get innovative and use Rakhi Sawant’s item songs (item songs are ok as long as they are performed by a Marathi person).
The funniest thing is the dance... its one hand raised up (usually the right hand), fist rolled up for a punch ...like somebody doing ‘Inquilab Zindabad’ with feet’s marching...what is this dance???
But the thing that irritates me most is the noise... why do they have to use loudspeakers... Is God deaf??? Do we need electronic devices to reach him these days now... is that what’s called technologically advanced?
And why do people get into frenzy?? Why is there so much excitement...I don’t understand this... people stay up nights for these processions... to watch and take part. Traffic snarls worsen, shops keep erratic timings...hell I just don’t like all these.
First there is a procession to bring the God home (why did you let go of him in the first place...besides isn’t God omnipresent...why does one need to bring him home), then there is another procession to drown the God (now that you have finally got him why let him go?? Why can’t people just get posters and frame them...saves the trouble of getting and disposing the idols)
Ufff... I am getting agitated with all these processions... I think I will start a procession of my own...just need a reason...now what could be a good reason that would need drums, funny dance steps and loudspeakers???

Ok Fine

2008-09-04T14:51:00.003+05:30

Ok fine, I didn’t keep my word and didn’t keep my word on writing on so many events gone by...but what the heck, I will make it up with this one...it has everything...action, romance, mystery, comedy, etc...
So let’s start with work... (It is top of the list in my life anyways)... work has been hectic, deadlines to meet, new people in the team... have to manage them...diverse backgrounds and work experience...it’s been quite a task actually....explaining stuff to people who simply don’t get it and have a closed mind. I don’t understand why people hesitate to take risks...I have done that all my life... in fact last week I went for a hair cut which was not nice and in an effort to damage control I had to rebond my hair (it’s a fancy shumacy name for straightening the hair) and it cost me almost as my monthly house rent....that’s an obscene amount of money to spend on ones look (especially if you are not in the glamour industry and don’t have moneybags as your dad or BF)...but what the hell, the deed is done... no point in crying over it...even though I still have to come to terms with straight hair... I somehow think that I am more of a curly haired person... straight hair is simply not me... its straight and boring...maybe it’s the universe’s way of telling me that “straight is in”...not that I was any other way in my preferences...but i never clarified if anybody thought otherwise ;)
There was a bit of re-bonding with Anu as well... over wine and fondue ... really enjoyed it but was surprised at some of her revelations ...do such things happen?? (Can’t write them here, censored stuff ;))
Then there was the marathon meeting day (I’m jumping back to work...but hey work is 80% of my life) and I quite lost it with one of my associates... I guess they are called associates coz they are ‘asses’... btw I made an ass out of myself after watching the terrorists –hostage situation in Jammu the other day. I kind of imagined that I saw one of my friends there...and I was needlessly worried... he is a competent Major and can handle such situations easily... it’s the media which overhypes situations... but it was his unit which was there... so I guess I was not over imagining things...well gotta go now...loads of work piling up... even as I write this post in between work... (I am not shirking work... I am doing this during my lunch break...since these days I am fasting ...roza’s...so I can technically use my lunch break time for personal work ;))

No Ideas

2008-08-16T13:26:00.002+05:30

I have been getting calls and queries on my apparent silence on the blogging scene…well… although a lot has happened in the last few days worth mentioning … I just don’t have the time to jot them down, maybe I am plain lazy…
Some of the things that should have been written down…
1. Failed Lonavla Trip
2. Eye Toy (this is the best game!)
3. Anu’s Bday
4. Me getting the ‘Best Entertainer of the Night’ alongwith Sorabh (how, when??)
5. Independence Day party at US Club (why do I go to such events?)
6. Being neglected by my friends (read Mousumi)
7. Watching 2 movies back to back so that we could sing the National Anthem at the beginning of the movie on independence day (movies were Bachna ye Haseeno and God Tussi Great Ho…why oh why)
Well I promise… as soon as I find time, I will definitely bore you guys with my rants.

2008-07-28T12:32:00.002+05:30

A poem composed by a fourth generation, 24-year old career officer inthe Indian Armed Forces, spurred by the report of the Sixth PayCommission and an insensitive article written by a 'respectable'denizen of the country in a national daily on the armed forces and the pertinence of the Sixth Pay Commission therein.

How you play with us, did you ever see?

At Seven, I had decided what I wanted to be;

I would serve you to the end,

All these boundaries I would defend.

Now you make me look like a fool,

When at Seventeen and just out of school;

Went to the place where they made "men out of boys"

Lived a tough life and sacrificed a few joys.

In those days, I would see my 'civilian' friends,

Living a life with the fashion trends;

Enjoying their so called "College Days"

While I sweated and bled in the sun and haze.

But I never thought twice about what where or why

All I knew was when the time came, I'd be ready to do or die.

At 21 and with my commission in hand,

Under the glory of the parade and the band,

I took the oath to protect you over land, air or sea,

And make the supreme sacrifice when the need came to be.

I stood there with a sense of recognition,

But on that day I never had the premonition,

that when the time came to give me my due,

You'd just say," What is so great that you do?"

Long back you promised a well to do life;

And when I'm away, take care of my wife.

You came and saw the hardships I live through,

And I saw you make a note or two,

And I hoped you would realise the worth of me;

but now I know you'll never be able to see,

Because you only see the glorified life of mine,

Did you see the place where death looms all the time?

Did you meet the man standing guard in the snow?

The name of his newborn he does not know...

Did you meet the man whose father breathed his last?

While the sailor patrolled our seas so vast?

You still know I'll not be the one to raise my voice

I will stand tall and protect you in Punjab Himachal and Thois.

But that's just me you have in the sun and rain,

For now at Twenty Four, you make me think again;

About the decision I made, Seven years back;

Should I have chosen another life, some other track?

Will I tell my son to follow my lead?

Will I tell my son, you'll get all that you need?

This is the country you will serve

This country will give you all that you deserve?

I heard you tell the world "India is shining"

I told my men, that's a reason for us to be smiling

This is the India you and I will defend!

But tell me how long will you be able to pretend?

You go on promise all that you may,

But it's the souls of your own men you betray.

Did you read how some of our eminent citizens

Write about me and ridicule my very existence?

I ask you to please come and see what I do,

Come and have a look at what I go through

Live my life just for a day

Maybe you'll have something else to say…..

I will still risk my life without a sigh

To keep your flag flying SKY high

but today I ask myself a question or two

Oh India...Why do I still serve you?

Third Wheel

2008-07-22T14:10:00.002+05:30

Every time I hang out with my friends for a fun session, I get the inevitable feeling of being a third wheel… this has been happening since the stone ages for me.

Jaya & Anand/Mayank
Amrit & Mitra
Guddi & Soumya
Pinky & Mayur
Mousumi & Siddhu
Anu & Cyril
Neha & Abhinav
Vineet & Pooja/Richa
Charu & Pankaj
Deepika & Vinod
Madhusmita & Navnit
Rachita & Anas
Ashu & Sonia
Ruchika & Gautam
Sam & Nitikaji
Reena & Manish
Runa & Vijay
Sumit & Pooja/Shruti
Utkalika & Siddhu
Ruhi & carlton

The list goes on…although all my friends do make sure that I don’t get bored but I can’t help getting the feeling of being a third wheel.
But is it really bad… I get to be on my own (something which I don’t mind) and at the same time, I have some company… although sometimes it does get a bit embarrassing when they get cozy. But the worst is when they pick a fight and I have to be a judge and choose… on the one hand, there is my friend (whom I have to support) and on the other, the partner who anyways hates me for piling on. However, most often than not my friend is usually on the wrong side and the partner usually correct. In such a scenario, it’s still dicey to pass a verdict in favor of the partner in case partner is a HE… then my girlfriend gets jealous and that opens up a different Pandora’s Box.
Oh my god… such complications… and all I wanted was to spend some quality time with my friends… but sadly they don’t have any time for me.
When I started writing this post, I had thought that being a third wheel is not so bad… and that I am a pro at it… after all my favorite mode of transport has three wheels… the humble rickshaw (mechanized or otherwise)! But after having written so far, I now realize that bikes are better…cozier and faster ;) So when will I get my bike??

Swimming with the Fishes

2008-07-14T13:39:00.001+05:30

I want to do that… i.e. swim with the fishes…deep sea ones… without the burden of oxygen cylinders and tight fitting spandex with webbed feet. I want to do it without the trappings of nautical equipments and jargon.

How? Is what you are thinking… I have a solution which is so sublime that it is ridiculous to the average human. I want my body to be flung into the ocean (preferably Indian Ocean… patriotic to the end, eh?) once my heart ceases to beat.

Well, I was thinking about insurance and mediclaim and its benefits…after fighting with my CA (this is an annual July fight… last day of filing taxes is 31st July and my CA never bothers to do anything about it till I remind him… why in the name of God did I ever hire him beats me) and I realized that I have gone and invested my money in insurance and stuff… and put my parents & bro as benefactors automatically… thinking that I will outlive them and get all the money myself (I’m a born optimistic) but what if…I don’t… then apart from the money part there are a few details that needs to be taken care of… none of the policies have made any provisions for it…

Since I am a healthy individual (oh forget the smoking, drinking and non exercising part… I eat right and I am physically active …even though I don’t gym) I won’t just drop dead one fine day (that would please a whole lot of people). Most likely I will be done in through some freak accident (wholly stupid I am sure… I attract silliness for some reason). In such a case, I don’t want to bother my parents (I might recover!) till I am confirmed by a medical authority that I have walked over to the other side.

I don’t want my aging parents to make a long trip and fuss over me…besides its their time to be fussed over… it will be a whole lot of trouble for them. But if I do breathe my last, then I do want them and collect my things (books and some knick knacks collected over the years… mostly scrap but hey they mean a lot to me I guess) so that my landlady is not inconvenienced and my friends do not bumble around what to do. (Note to friends – do not inform my parents till the end… I am expecting you to make the call judiciously, don’t let me down on this, plz).

Then I am sure, that there will be a lot of unnecessary crying (oh how I would hate that) and debates over how to take my body back to my hometown and do the last rituals there.

I don’t want that. I want my body to be dumped into the Indian Ocean (let the environmentalists go to hell) and to be done so before it turns cold. Period. No debates no discussion, no confusion. Consider it my last wish. Maybe I should outsource this job to somebody as I am sure my parents would never agree to it.

Is there any such agency or person who can follow this to a T? Hmmm… I want to swim with the fishes…deep sea ones…

Bengali Food

2008-07-05T15:24:00.002+05:30

I have been craving Bengali food… its simply yummy… starting form the junk street food to the ones that Bouma prepares lovingly in the house, I miss all kinds…
Here is a list of stuff that I’d kill to eat…

1. Golgappa – yummy pani puri stuffed with mashed potatoes, green chilies, onion, chana, spices…dunked in imli & mint water. This is way better than the stuff that you find in Mumbai…which is puri stuffed with boondi and dunked in sweet chutney… yuck. Note the onions are not fried… in fact apart from the puri’s nothing is fried… healthy eh!

2. Rolls – This is hot spicy maida roti layered with eggs and stuffed with chicken & onions (not fried again) and spiced with ketchup, green chili sauce and topped with mustard sauce (yes there is a thing called mustard sauce)… this is not the same as Frankie that is found here… which is mostly greasy and spicy not by design but by default.

3. Jhal Muri – This is bhelpuri with a Bengali twist. It contains almost the same ingredients, but is different in taste by virtue of the mustard oil that is added. And unlike its Mumbai counterpart, it doesn’t come in meetha, medium, theekha, sukha or geela… it comes as one … not too sukha, not too geela, not sweet and wholly spicy and pungent (mustard and finely chopped radish!)

4. Alu bhajja – The bongs had the French fries in their menu’s way before the big Mac popularized it in India. Alu bhajja is finely sliced potatoes fried and eaten hot. It is a must at every lunch.

5. Fish Fry – It is not the same as the fried fish that you get at Jai Hind, Trishna or Mahesh Lunch Home. Agreed that the bombil fry melts in the mouth and is found only in amchi Mumbai but the fresh water fish fried without any batter (marinated only in salt & turmeric) is yummy…

6. Rui Kalia – This is fish curry … where neither the fish overpowers the curry nor the curry loses the fish. Obviously it is fresh water fish.

7. Alu Kobir Dalna – This is yellow dal (tur) with potatoes and cauliflower. Other veggies can be optionally added like pumpkin, eggplant, etc. The tadka is of Panch Phoran and ginger. And garnished with jeera-mirchi powder. Some fools may call it a sambhar like thing…but it is way different in the sense that there is no sourness and it is thicker than sambhar.

8. Alu Posto – potatoes fried in poppy seed (posto) paste… this sleep inducing, lip smacking dish goes very well with boiled rice and masoor dal.

9. Doi Bengan – fried eggplants put in curd with a tadka of panch phoran and curry leaves, green chilies and chopped ginger. This is a side dish but I can eat it as such.

10. Muri ghanto – this is fish head of rohu cooked with rice and spices… I don’t know how to make this myself but my mom’s recipe is to die for.

11. Kasha Mansho – this is mutton cooked with onions, ginger, garlic, posto, dhania, etc and is simply groovy… mom I miss ur cooking!

12. Luchi & Alu dum – this is similar to puri and alu…except that all things Bengali this is also divine. Never quite figured out how to make this, but I love it anyways.

13. Doi shorshe Illish – this is one dish that I can kill for… it is hilsa fish, mustard and curd… what else do u need??

14. chingri macher malai curry – succulent prawns cooked in coconut malai…again these are fresh water prawns and that adds to the taste.

15. Sweets – misti doi, gur sandesh, rasogollas… need I say anything more??

I want Bengali food…home cooked variety, not the kind that you get at OH Calcutta… although that comes quite close.

Awww, So Sweet …

2008-06-28T14:46:00.002+05:30

Although I am not a huge fan of the Awwww moments in life, I can’t help but be a part of it sometimes… last night was one such ‘Awww’ filled experience. Anu (the love of my life) called me to chill out at her place. Since I am working for a start up these days and the office space is not yet ready, so there are 60 of us crammed in one place. What with all the noise of a newsroom and so many people around, at the end of the day I don’t want to meet any human beings after work.

But then when I was ticking off all the excuses in my book so as to avoid meeting her in a public place, Cyril (the lust of my life) came on line and I was instantly convinced to meet them at ‘Mia Cucina’.

Upon reaching there, I was given a huge bear hug by a bear of a man claiming to be Cyril, while Cyril was grinning from ear to ear at my discomfort. The papa bear turned out to be James another buddy of stud boy’s with beefy muscles and equally beefy vocal chords. I was impressed and so was Sorabh who has a thing going on with every guy that I like.

Anu was all decked up for some reason and looked quite cute and Cyril (ahhh… he looked divine in a brown shirt) and both of them looked so cute together, especially when stud boy addressed his lady love as ‘Sweetu’… that was definitely an Oscar winning ‘Awwww’ moment.

I just could not help noticing how good both my friends looked with each other and the chemistry that they shared, made me a bit jealous, made me wish I was not single, but hey this post is not about me.

The evening was great; it was hilarious, what with James pretending to be an Investment Banker, Cyril trying to be a refined gentleman and Sorabh trying to be funny as usual.

Then for some reason we went to meet a dog called Kaiser and everybody went ‘Awwww’ again…I tried to remain as far as is civilly possible but Kaiser looked at me with those lovelorn eyes and asked me why I haven’t petted him yet. So very reluctantly I petted him and repeated the codeword ‘Awww’ much to everyone’s surprise.

After fighting with each other for god knows what, we dropped beefcake James off and started chasing another car for some reason. Then I realized that the other car had some bags on the top and we were chasing it to tell them about it, good Samaritans that we were in out inebriated state. Then I totally got in the groove and kept on yelling ‘drive faster’ at stud boy who loves his car more than Anu, and after much yelling and confusion we finally caught up with the scared couple who were fleeing us. We did the last ‘Awwww’ deed of the day and headed home.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed the entire evening with the three stooges and the very beautiful Anu and I thank them for filling my life with some very memorable ‘Awww’ moments.

Dumbfounded!

2008-06-23T11:57:00.001+05:30

Sages used to practice Maunvrat quite often. I don’t know the scientific reason behind this, but I am quite sure that there is one.

I had an option of practicing the same last week. I had a sore throat and I could not speak. As one of my editors remarked, that she is talking quite a lot despite losing her voice, I could not but help noticing how handicapped I had become at work. There is so much to communicate with colleagues, editors, bosses, office boys, housekeeping in a day that it is mind-boggling to say the least! However, apart from communicating at work, I detest getting into conversations these days.

The dumb state lasted a couple of hours, but I managed to stretch it for couple of days. Imagine not having to talk to anybody…it was nirvana. I have not been smarter than this ever. I hate talking to people nowadays and the worst is to be dragged into polite conversations in the name of being civil and courteous. I am not interested in knowing where Kareena and Saif went for a holiday or the side effects of botox or the pain of having a work at home hubby.

I am a simple soul who wants to do her work and keep communication to the minimum, monosyllables if at all.
I don’t have a need to communicate anything to anybody; I want to be left alone. Period.

I knowingly did not take my medicines hoping for a relapse of the condition without the bad cough… the cough was painful, it kept me up nights…but I didn’t mind the not talking part at all… why I can’t just go to a far off place where there is no other human being for miles… I guess I am in my unsociable best these days… I just want the least possible human contact both emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Mumbai Nightlife

2008-06-06T15:25:00.002+05:30

The other night I gave in to my friends demands and went to a nightclub much against my wishes. Not that I don’t enjoy clubbing, but I was very tired that particular day. I had a very hectic work schedule and didn’t want to go through the whole rigmarole of the clubbing culture.

Yes, it is an art (something which I have yet to master), which clubbers follow religiously. There is the right group to go with, the right clothes and accessories, the right look, the right time to reach and the right time to leave, the right drinks to order and the right moves to make. Oh the pressure of partying right!

I used to do all of the above, and I’d say I took a certain pleasure if I managed to get at least one aspect right. But alas, those heady days are gone. Nowadays I don’t find clubbing exciting…am I becoming old? Or is it a case of ‘Been there done that’?

Maybe innovation is the keyword here…if there is something new, exciting than the usual (reach, find a good spot-not too far from the bar not too near the DJ console, balance a drink in one hand, smokes and clutch in the other, air kiss friends and their stooges, shake a leg, try to give a sultry look to the hottie, manage to escape the groping of the sleazy guy, give dirty looks to the DJ when ‘tenu kala chasma’ plays, dodge all the people making a bee-line to the bar or the washroom)… phew wasn’t I supposed to enjoy my drink and the music… what about the ambience for which I have shelled out thousands … cant see it due to the smoke and the crowd. Then when you have managed to fit in the groove, the DJ announces that it is the last song of the night and the club is shutting down. Then, either we go in search of food or another nightclub which is open… the options are really limited at that time. Mostly, we head home to pass out.

Maybe the next ‘In-Thing’ in the clubbing circuit would be no crowd, no smoke, no fancy ambience, no make-up, no loud music, no expensive drinks, no closing time. It’s the time of the house party.

Or maybe, just stop partying…and just concentrate on my work…but how do I unwind… any suggestions??

Is the Big O overrated?

2008-05-26T12:24:00.001+05:30

This should be the current question plaguing the minds of Mumbaikars rather than replacing Bombay by Mumbai or who is going to win the IPL this season.

Seriously, the pressure to experience the big O is so big that one doesn’t tend to enjoy the process of reaching there. Especially when the big O doesn’t last more than 15 sec…all this fuss for 15 sec?? C’mon gimme a break now… are you serious? 15 sec?? Well if the experts say then it must be so… but I seriously can’t take too much trouble for it…there I have said it. If that makes me an outcast, so be it, I rather join the miniscule number of people who don’t think the big O matters more than the whole journey to it. I am a firm believer of the journey being more important than the destination.

And the side stories of reaching the destination can seriously give any a sitcom run for its money. There was this bloke who was so eager that his lady love reach the destination that he kept on urging her to think about her ex if that is what made her reach there faster. Needless to say that the weirdness of the situation made the poor gal palpitate making the bloke think that the trick worked. Now he keeps on repeating the magic formula when ever things get sluggish. The poor gal’s dilemma doesn’t end there. On one hand she wanted to move on in life that was exactly the reason why she was with this bloke, but the guy was not letting her get past her memories. She ended up faking it, like always, like most of us. Some might even argue that the girl needs to be expressive and articulate her needs, but have you never heard of those breeds with selective hearing...they are called men.

Is it this pressure then that makes us fake it or is it really not worth it. How does one answer this honestly if all your skills, efforts and concentration are focused on not getting caught, when all you want is, it to end, so that you can light up and say wow, that was great! Then say a small prayer hoping that you don’t get caught. This is a tried and tested formula adopted by the sisterhood all over the world, but there is a slight catch to this formula as well. What if, an encore is requested, do you claim exhaustion (but women have more stamina, it has been proved, at least in such situations) or grin and bear it.

When can we have men that understand that the whole idea of good lovemaking is in the mind and not below the belt? Then if we do have such men around us, wouldn’t it give us sleepless nights to figure out whether we like him for his romantic illusions or for his skills under the sheets. Uff, more pressure, can we not have 2 clearly different kinds so as to make our lives easier… what’s with the demarcation …why can’t we have all of the above in one person… coz such a man is a myth. We just have to deal with it. Or explore other horizons.

The Great Indian Nostalgia

2008-05-24T18:25:00.004+05:30

At the creative discussion for concepts, an assistant producer claimed to successfully manage and produce a spoof show. While I was giving him gyaan oh how difficult it is to do comedy shows, I could not stop myself from thinking about "The Great Indian Comedy Show", which I had the honour of working for once. One thing led to another and after countless stories on the show I pulled out the following mail sent by Varun Grover (one of the writers and a good friend) and I thought that I should put the article here for immortality in cyber space.

So here goes, as well as successive replies & musings by the other writers...

End of an era - Varun Grover

My first impression was – It’s an arrogant show! Calling oneself ‘Great’ even before its launch was not a very Indian thing to do…a marketing ploy which read every bit American tabloid. So, almost conclusively, I thought that it’s going to bomb.

Skipped the first few weeks, more due to lack of resources (a cable connection!) than interest…but one fine day, watched something where a Shahrukh Khan kind of a guy sitting in a truck, alongside a Makrand Deshpande kind of a guy (beat that!), was shaking to the Swades song and eliciting rotten eggs, combs and other household items from Mak’s unruly hair. I was amused in an intelligent sort of a way and…the show had begun for me!

Over the next few months, the awe grew; the gags struck a regular chord and some of the standups, especially by Ranvir and Vinay sounded a welcome-bell for elitist setup-punch routines on Indian television. Kukurmati ki Kahaani, Cow-Mundas (“Meri life da horse two seater nahin, one-seater hai Shabbo” and “Howdy oye!”), Office Supplies (Kiku in drags, for the first time I guess, in what was to be a series of alternate clothing for him on the show), Ramesh and the mill-worker’s dialogues, and many more yet-unseen situations and interpretations became the hallmark of the show.

During the initial 6-months or so, it looked more like an underground show, with taboo themes, niche clientele and a wackiness of its own defining. Educated working class, the new India of Bangalore and Gurgaon was raving about it. (I doubt the Channel ever came to know of it!) It was the kind of show which gave lots to discuss over a coffee or sutta during office hour breaks and hence, in a very targeted way, it did become the ‘talk of the town’ pretty soon.

Then, sometime in July 2005, the word ‘massy’ entered our lingo. (Plain incidental – me and Rahul joined the show in July, same day as Shekhar Suman did.) Shekhar Suman tried to bridge that gap, the gap between massy and classy, and I reckon, he did a good job for some months. The gags were still not too ‘easy’ or ‘dumbed-down’ but the Standups became more ‘Hindi’. Some of the software guys in India and America (yes, the show was a big hit on American peer sites and later at youtube) felt cheated but still, the gags were a joy to watch. During this 7-month period, Mangal Pandey, Black, Dus and Tarantino’s Kill Bill were spoofed and goofed at. For a brief period, around November-December, the magic balance seemed to be close-at-hand. Diwali standup, Children’s day standup, New Year’s week special standups (with special focus on Sports, Movies, Politics and Society) complimented the gags amazingly.

Shekhar left, amidst some celebrations from some quarters (with some good reason too) but what followed was even more set-away from the original ‘target’ (or it seemed like) of the show. The Great Indian Laughter Challenge (‘Phool, jo bann gaya Angaara’) gave us a tough branding competition, and (no) thanks to its mass-approach, we were constantly losing ground since late 2005. And in February 2006, they came over.

Last one year of TGICS is really tough to document…such a turbulent phase it was. It was almost like a whole class at a college nearing its graduation. Lots of job opportunities, planning for future, students interning outside campus, Professors looking on glum, nostalgia evoking restlessness and changing schedules of classes owing to administrative confusion. The original ‘arrogant’ tint was gone. It was no more called ‘Great’ or even ‘Indian’, and it had an added sound-effect in its name. TCS - Ha Ha Ha was another attempt at bringing in those who we euphemistically call TRPs.

And surprisingly, or should I say ‘not surprisingly’, the show retained its charm, insight, and irreverent streak against the high-and-mighty all through its run. There were very few days while watching the show when being associated with it didn’t feel like a blessing. The quality provided by the production team, actors and directors makes it a genius-gone-less-noticed. Having a team of writers like RD (our KBC insider!), Mahesh, Arshad, Amit Masurkar, and Dushant and creative heads like Sailesh, Rajesh Devraj, and now Sudarshan gave the show its own course, after every course-distraction by the forces.

It does give a Gurudutt-ish pleasure to know that your masterpiece didn’t get the appreciation or ‘rockstar’ status even after surpassing the benchmark a thousand times; it does, in a twisted-intelligent kind of way, prove that you belong to that less-than-5-percent bracket of intellectuals who can laugh on themselves, their country, their society, their heroes…anybody who is fallible. But then, as the curtains fall, it does hurt too. What could have been a really GREAT INDIAN COMEDY SHOW fell just short on numbers!

Thanks for making me understand the arrogance….and thanks for making this show a memory of a lifetime.

Arshad Sayeed's Reply

vonderfully vell vritten Varun!...
Read your take and got ''pressurized' into writing something....

But seriously(if there is such a word in these Star News times), I really dont know what to write about. So many memories man!...so many..... as hilarious as the stuff on our show..and most of it came from the channel .:

Like the mail we got from the channel when we started out which said that we cannot insult Mr. George Bush because he has an 'integral association' with Rupert Murdoch who owns Star which owns us..... Basically we were told not to be Namak Haraams!

" Please Dont Spoof Mr Bachchan... (Wait a minute... he's not doing the third season of KBC??.. Damn him! ) Ya go ahead and take his pants off!! Like you do with other stars( What??..SRK is the new face??.And RD is writing???) ..except Shahrukh Khan....and Karan Johar..and Simi Garewal!!...

TV spoofs??...Sure!!!!.... Great idea!... But dont spoof any show on Star.. We dont want to make fun of our shows. And also dont spoof any show which is NOT on Star. We dont want to promote them un nessarily.. Apart from this...go and kill everything on TV! (DD Podigha anyone??)

Do not take celeb names!! They may sue us.. (A gag mentioned Kim Sharma. The EPs brought it up before Sameer Nair and just as he was being explained how its not a good thing to take the names of stars like Kim Sharma, he turned around and asked "Er...ya but...who's Kim Sharma??")

And how about this one? When I did Kukurmati...it was supposed to run five times a week.....(During our five day run).... But Ekta saw it and got offended. Result??..Paanch ke badle haftey mein teen baar.!!.... Which basically meant its ok to piss her off three times a week but not five times! Go figure. Strange are the ways of the Channel!

But guys...Despite all the battles and frustrations....and the 0.5 ratings.....(.Which basically means that India as a whole doesnt acknowledge your show...they'd rather watch Ba blow candles on her 420th birthday cake followed by a five episode arti), a channel which well....treated us as an idiot kid yelling for attention who should best be ignored (which was good) or periodicaly be shown how to grow up by the LC boys (Which was not so good).., or the whole TV industry with its comments like : Achcha hai.....Par niche hai... Massy nahin hai...madness ke badle masti hona chahiye..... (Yes KSandeep Sikand! That means you!!) , I feel we made our mark.

We've created a whole new kind of humor. Even if its the 0.5 variety. The impact has been made. And its there to be seen during coffee table conversations, ads on TV and even movies. Vinay's character in Bheja Fry was almost straight out of one our gags!...And the film is a hit!. We have made a difference and we all deserve a pat on our back for it. (Including a huge bonus cheque of fifty lakhs from Abhimanyu) .

Duniya maane ya na maane, we believe in what we've done. Guys...lets keep this brand of humor banner flying high, in whatever we do... (and hopefully some of it will we will all do together. Har raat ke baad subah types...) ....

Yes. We are amongst the Five percent Varun talks about. And to think that we will influence/change the way the remaining 95 percent thinks, is as impossible as Celina Jaitley winning a national award (This one might happen though!).... The divide will remain...we'll continue to be low raters in what we do...(All except RD who will go onto write KBC four for Hrithik!).... But do not despair!!!... Hopefully one day God will finally GET one of our gags and work a miracle and good television shall prevail!

I end with a Ghalib quote which sort of sums it up for me.

"De Aur Bhi Dil Unko.....Jo Na De Mujhko Zubaan Aur" (rather than give us more wit...give them the bloody sense to understand it!)
"Kehte Hain Ki TGICS Ka Hai (Tha?) Andaaze Bayaan Aur"

Cheers!! Keep in tuch!!...and please please please take good care of yourselves!!!

One show that I am very proud of... cant help feeling happy (being a part of it), sad (not being a part of it anymore), sorry (the show coming to an end) all at the same time. I guess this is how you define nostalgia.

And She Lived Happily Ever After

2008-05-09T15:10:00.004+05:30

The story in this post was actually used in http://www.solitaryreaping.blogspot.com/ by a very dear friend.

I am posting it here as I think that it is my story. Thanks Ragini ;)

The story goes:Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said: 'NO!' And the girl lived happily ever after.She went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore friggin' lacy lingerie, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants and was pleasant all the time.

Wanted Convent educated tall, fair, slim, homely Girl.

2008-05-07T21:04:00.001+05:30

Wanted Convent educated tall, fair, slim, homely Girl.

Every time somebody starts the topic of marriage I can’t help but remember the above headline in the matrimonial columns in every newspaper.

I dread the day when I will be reduced to such a headline…the possibilities are enormous and I say a small prayer every morning when I read the classifieds and don’t see my name or description featured in it.

It’s become a daily battle now to avoid the topic of marriage. Invariable someone or the other brings up the topic and everybody deems me the unfortunate victim, someone who has been passed on and will never know the pleasure of married life. In the same sentence they will crib about their own spouse or married life, but hey that’s another topic, they say.

From relatives and friends with whom I have not spoken to over a decade, all have the same concern or wish… to see me married. So that they can all say in chorus “Another one bites the dust”. It’s as if all the married people in the world are raging a silent war against the single population and they will not rest unless we join the fraternity, unless we pledge alliance to the secret society of unrealized expectations and everlasting nagging.

Why cant they leave me alone, I am big enough to decide whether to tie the knot or not. My Mom has a rejoinder to this “you will always be a kid for us”. I have a counter argument for this “then let me be a kid, why are you trying to get me married, it will amount to child marriage and the laws are against this”. But it doesn’t work with her.

Now my friends have taken a different approach. One wants me to jot down the qualities that I need in my man so that she can go about looking for one. I understand that in the globalized country of ours, it’s easy to find everything under one roof (read shopping mall), but isn’t this taking it too far. But she insists on the list, blissfully enjoying her newly wed status.

Well, Mousumi, I have never refused you…so here is the list.

1. Wit
2. Looks
3. Money
4. Career
5. Body (6 packs are a must…if SRK has it, I want it)
6. Guy should own orange pajamas (kinky pleasureJ)
7. Have a political opinion (if it matches mine, that’s great…but even if it doesn’t-no problem, but should have one… most people I meet don’t have any political opinion of their own, they echo what their peers or family says)
8. Read books…fiction (so that I can borrow and gift him some…it’s the best gift idea!)
9. Watch movies with the same passion as me (here the tastes have to match mine…can’t be with somebody who didn’t think No Smoking was not a great movie.)
10. Enjoy animated stuff with as much passion as me especially Shrek series.
11. Is a foodie, someone who lives to eat and is adventurous with food, since I also need a guinea pig for my cooking experiments
12. Has a passion for travel…andamans, north east, backwaters, ladakh, rajasthan, macchu pichhu, etc
13. Has the time and money to go on such trips with me
14. Should be in love with both the sea and the mountains
15. Should not like Madhuri, Aishwariya and Kareena (cant stand them)
16. Should have a flair for making inane conversations complete with sound effect and animated actions
17. Should understand my jokes
18. Should have Carpe Diem as his philosophy or at least understand the same.
19. Should not be protective or possessive about me
20. Should not talk to me for more than 2 hours in a day
21. Should not be messy
22. Should not throw things on the road
23. Should not encourage beggars
24. Should not avoid embarrassing friends after getting drunk
25. Should not be sober all the time
26. Should not be a drunk all the time
27. Should have tried on various things at least once in life like bhang, grass, etc.
28. Should actually enjoy good alcohol and not be a social drinker only
29. Should have pet peeves
30. Should be independent
31. Should not be mama’s boy
32. Should have loads of friends and actually enjoy being with them
33. Should have at least one major relationship (takes the pressure off me)
34. Should know how to jive (so that I can also shake a leg)
35. Should be active (one lazybones is enough, read me)
36. Should be practical
37. Should be impractical
38. Should be romantic without being mushy
39. Should be metrosexual (getting regular manicure, pedicure and facials is not a bad thing but not more than me)
40. Should love my friends (all of them without exception, even the weird ones)
41. Should give a patient hearing to my all my ideas however weird they may be.
42. Should be willing to be part of my hare brained enterprises
43. Should manage to surprise me
44. Should manage to scare me (few people can do this… this will be a sure fire way to get my attention)
45. Should be willing to yell at me once in a while (again very few people can yell at me)
46. Should be able to be a bigger nautanki than me
47. Should be able to spend time with me without talking
48. Should be able to understand my moods
49. Should be able to understand how much he means to me without me ever saying it
50. Should be a mix of Chandler and Joey (from Friends), Pierce Brosnan (Remington Steele) and Johnny Depp (Chocolat)

There, are you happy now, I have listed down some of the most important points… will keep on adding on to it but I honestly don’t believe that you can go shopping with this list.

Identity Crisis

2008-05-06T11:15:00.000+05:30

I want to be known as a person first and a woman later… is this too much to ask or is this too weird a thought?? I don’t have an answer for this…but this question has been playing on my mind ever since a friend confided in me that he would not have spoken to me if I was not a woman, didn’t have dimples and was not single (needless to say that this friend was a guy).

This left me wondering, do we make friendships on the basis of looks only or does the whole package ever count. I went back to my first friend… Mousumi … I remember how I had met her … I was in Prep class and I didn’t have any friends… I used to hang out with my sister and her friends who were 2 years my seniors. They didn’t want me to tag alone as they were seniors and it didn’t do good to their image to be seen with a Junior… so I had started staying away from them instead of putting my sister in a tight spot of choosing over family and friends (she would have chosen me any day...but I would not have the pity, egoistical that I was even at that age).
Anyways I was having lunch all by myself and looking quite lost (btw the looking lost is a permanent expression on my face… not b’coz I am lost but I am wooden and the childhood expression has stuck) when Mousumi struts along and says hi, and asks me if I want to play hopscotch with her (we used to call it KhitKhit). She was not the first person to ask me to join her in some game, but the way she asked me with that smile and that casual way as if it is something she does everyday at the same time with a desperate look that if I refuse, she will be heartbroken was what caught my attention and I have stuck with her ever since. In those days friendship was not about dimples or single status, it was simple need for a friend. We never analyzed why we liked somebody, we just did. In fact, all the above reasoning that I gave for liking Mousumi was as an afterthought in my adult days….how can you expect a 6 year old to read so much into another persons mind…maybe you can, maybe it’s a 6 year olds intuition, maybe it was divine intervention or just plain luck. I don’t know, but the fact remains that we are still very close friends and share our lives with each other. And it helped that at that age I didn’t differentiate between person and woman.

But coming back to the current identity crisis…am I woman first and then a person or a person first and then a woman. Why was I so offended? In this day and age when size zero is the norm and botox enhanced features is the rage, why would I feel offended when someone compliments me on my look. Am I trying to pretend to be someone else, coz I do appreciate any compliments that come my way.

But at the same time, I would like the other person to notice my other attributes namely my thoughts and ideas about certain issues which have nothing to do with the way I look but may have contributed to the person I am. Does this mean that I owe an apology to the person who dared to befriend me on the basis of my dimples? I don’t know, I honestly don’t.

I do acknowledge the fact that I also have a certain filters when I meet somebody that helps me decide whether I would like to meet that person again and a small percentage of it is based on looks. But I would never say that I cultivated a friendship on the basis of looks only. Is this hypocrisy? Aren’t we all looking for an identity that would define us and bring meaning to our lives, so that we can be all labeled, tagged and put up on shelves for our future generations to ‘identify’ us from the rest of the horde? Well, I rather choose dimpled identity over a labeled tag. Major, I owe you an apology.

Kicking the bucket

2008-04-23T17:26:00.000+05:30

No no …don’t worry I don’t plan to kill myself… not yet atleast… kicking the bucket is literally kicking the bucket (list) that I made years ago… I haven’t achieved 80 % of the things that I’d listed down… why, beats me… I don’t understand it myself… but it has gotten me depressed…so much so that I have decided to get rid of the bucket altogether… na rahega balti na hogi depression… but alas I cant seem to kick the bucket off… I really want to do all them…but where when how with whom (!!) is a question that I have no answers to…sigh!

Well I can atleast share the list …

1. bungee jumping
2. sailing
3. skiing
4. Skating a bit better than a first timer.
5. firing a rocket launcher
6. owning a gun…hey I’m a single woman, its for protection
7. exercising every day
8. swimming 3 times a week
9. playing a sport – basketball, volleyball, etc
10. Learning how to play TT, Pool.
11. getting 6 packs … this was way before srk made it famous
12. buying a suv
13. having a house of my own
14. Having a bank balance (no, 2k doesn’t count… btw that’s my current balance… I’ve working since the past 8 years, wat did I do with all the supposedly hard earned money??)
15. Heading a network
16. Traveling… I still have not been to the north east, srinagar, ladakh, andamans, jodhpur, jaisalmer, backwaters, Japan, Fiji Islands, Australia, Antarctica, Egypt, Berlin, Moscow, etc
17. Making perfect round chapattis
18. Jiving
19. Playing the drums
20. Visiting Macchu Picchu with my boyfriend
21. Boyfriend??!!
22. Being nice to my sis
23. Being there for my parents
24. Talking to my bro without bullying him
25. Cooking for my parents, sis, extended family
26. Going on a trip/picnic with my family…never enjoyed the trips when I was young… hope that this time it will be fun
27. Visiting all my friends who have been married (all) and I haven’t met them for more than 6 months
28. Buying myself some decent clothes… can’t live in jeans forever, now…and while am at it some decent shoes.
29. Not losing focus
30. Not losing patience when people talk…why can’t everyone be concise and to the point?

Well can I remain at the same age till the next 5 years… take an annual leap every 5 years like all the saas-bahu soaps so that I have more time to do all these... help, plz.

Grass is greener on the other side.

2008-04-11T17:01:00.002+05:30

Grass is greener on the other side.

The other day I was chatting with a friend who also happens to be a Major in the Indian army. It was more of a pep talk and agony aunt kind of conversation... he was really dejected with the way the army was treating him. He said that neither was the organization paying him at par with other industries, nor giving him a real posting in siachen but was making him do some exercises in some situation which he felt were not productive enough and on top of it the armed forces were being compared to the civil servants, paper pushers at the most.
That conversation made me very restless and i started thinking (one of the rarer phenomenons in this world) about why Major Saab thought the way he did. If the person responsible for my security has self doubts then I need to be very worried. And on top of that, I saw a story on Times Now that 25 out of every 32 army personnel are deserting the organization. Is this something to lose sleep over, coz i definitely did and am still disturbed. What is the solution for this?
It is a fact that the 6th pay commission has increased the pay packages of the armed forces by 33 percentage excluding allowances. Now lets play devils advocate with whatever little information that I have.

a) Armed forces get 60 days of leave as compared to the corporate sector which get around 30 days of leave per annum.
b) Armed forces get medical facilities for their entire family unlike the corporate sector.
c) Armed forces get subsidized FMCG products and liquor unlike their corporate counterparts.
d) Armed forces can easily avail loans than their corporate counterparts.
e) The kids of armed forces can get admitted in sainik schools unlike civilians who have to pay huge amounts of donations.
f) And to top it all, the armed forces are the least corrupt organization as compared to the civil sector
g) Last but not the least, the respect & charisma that the armed forces command in their uniform can be rivaled only by poster boys like John Abraham.

So why the dissatisfaction?? Is it something to do with the idle mind being the devil's workshop... earlier we had battles to fight and were busy, now with all the free time (yes there is a major counter insurgency operation and fire fighting against natural calamities which are increasing... but that is a separate story)

Or is it the media who is responsible for highlighting the achievements of the corporate sector with reports of starting salaries of IIM grads and/or the the exploits of the Ambani Brothers. It is bound to get in dissatisfaction.

At the same time, comparison with IAS officers who generally do not have threat to their lives (unless they are in some scam and run the risk of being lynched by the public, media or their counterparts) rankles a lot with the men in uniform.

The solution for this is two fold-- one explaining to these rough n tough guys that the grass is greener on the other side... yes it is... i would gladly risk being shot by Pakistani Soldiers than listen to mindless news stories of Naag-Nagin frolicking somewhere (I work for a news channel...hence listening to such stories is part of my job profile... I wish I could switch off the TV). The other solution albeit a bit ambitious is to get a petition and formally make an official protest/complaint against the authorities.

The thought of donating a part of my salary to the army welfare did come to my mind, but better sense has prevailed and I have decided against it. Reasons for not being on their side... I think army people have an easy life... They are waited hand & foot by their orderlies/batman during peace posting. Since, they have field postings every 3 years, in some godforsaken place, they don't have to maintain a lifestyle that we have to. And the biggest factor, they don't have to buy clothes every fortnight, they have uniforms...I waste 10 min every morning deciding what to wear....its a criminal waste of time, considering that I don't end up looking great like the model advertising the same clothes which is why I bought them in the first place... And then, the subsidized liquor rates... why do I have to pay for double the market rate, plus service tax, plus leave a tip, not to mention that whenever I go to a pub, its always with a friend whose tab I'm obliged to pick up... give me army mess any day...hic!

Well, even though I have filled reams of paper against these poor men in uniforms, I know that deep down that they deserve more. They are risking their lives for us so that we can crib about subsidized alcohol and agonize over our clothes. They spend nights waiting in extreme conditions without proper equipment or clothes. Is this why we pay taxes so that the government spends it in throwing stones at each other during assembly sessions.... I am a firm believer of the fact that the government has enough funds to run this country but has dimwits who siphon off the same.

Aarrggghhh... I have lost the thread of what i started out to say... the bottom line is that lets all be honest and sincere in our work ... and follow the sayings of the Gita... Kaam Kar par Phal ke icchah mat rak... in essence one should do one's duties in life as per his/her dharma, or duty, without concern of results. And let their be free flowing alcohol (subsidized or otherwise) to enable this without any hiccups...hic!

NDNC

2008-03-20T17:22:00.000+05:30

As with all democracies, policies are floated on a trial and error basis. This directly affects the hapless citizens on whom the policy is tried. One such is the national do not call scheme.
All of us must have faced the pesky telemarketer calls and dealt with customer support executives of various services that today’s world demands be fulfilled through the ubiquitous mobile cell.
But how does one deal with them??? They do not understand the problem, have no solution and know only one sentence “I am really sorry for the inconvenience caused to you.” Angrez chale gaye sorry de gaye.
It is really frustrating to these people and how does one get through this giant industry and talk to somebody who understands and solves the problem. Why do we not have a consumer service industry?? Even when one is subscribed to the national do not call service, one still gets telemarketing calls, and how does one deal with the situation. Does that mean that I have to leave all my day to day activities and pursue another never ending telephone calling, getting transferred from one place to the other and being on hold for an eternity to bring the problem to light? Or do I take 5 min out of my hectic schedule and hear out the telemarketer (hell they are just doing a job) and then politely say no or take out 10 min from my life and yell and abuse them….how does one deal with them??
Is there etiquette to be followed?? I am at my wits end… somebody plz help… Or maybe I should start my own telemarketing business... they say if you can’t beat ‘em…join ‘em!!

Being Charu

2008-03-18T14:01:00.002+05:30

I dont know how being Charu feels like... but from a 2nd person perspective, it looks like fun. Yes trust me, I know her since the last 2 years only but it feels like I have known her for eons. This is the same person who can be extremely rude and bitchy if you are not on her side or team and extremely caring and fun if you are.
Let me take you through the exciting world of Charu from an insiders point of view... she gets up in the morning and heads to the gym class where she learns horrendous aerobic steps, which she diligently shows off to unsuspecting fans like me. Then she has her breakfast around midday and heads off for coffee by the sea. Once, seated in the nice corner of the coffeeeshop she places her order after religious deciding to not repeat yesterdays order. But being the eternal embodiment of confusion and greed, she ends up ordering the same coffee and thoroughly confusing the poor waiter who is happy to run away. Once coffee n catching up on recent gossip is done, she heads home to watch TV or trouble her son Abeer. If Abeer's exams are on, then heaven forbid--- she insists on teaching the poor kid, who is already exhausted from various tutorials. And wonders of wonders...she chooses to teach him Chemistry having never studied the same. She keeps on quizzing her kid and doesnt even know if the answers are correct or not.
Satisfied on having done her bit in the education sector, she moves on to the food problems of the world (read- her stomach). Having gorged on some tidbit she decides that she will skip lunch. In the evening, some hapless fan like me drops by and is forced to sip some wine or subjected to some amazing cocktails (entirely her connotation). All the while sharing some interesting tidbits. Then she insists on having dinner early as she wants to hit the bed early.
Thats a day in her life, very idyllic ...but what makes her an interesting person is her madness... her forget fullness... she starts a conversation in her mind and continues midway in actual sound... so the person gets even more befuddled and when tries and gets some semblance of clarity... she is already traipsing on another completely disjoined topic.
How can one describe or define what Charu is?? I tried to but I guess I didnt capture even half of her essence. She is a wonderful person, a friend, an elder sister, a mom, a punching bag, a clown, a wonderfull cook and a great (ahem!) dancer....a supportive spouse (for Pankaj) and a crazy mom (for Abeer).... I will miss her when she moves to Bangkok... I wish she didnt have to... although it opens up my window to Bangkok... I have already managed to wriggle a vacation at her place ther... but I will miss landing up unannounced at her place and staying with her post dinner, drowning drinks with her, exchanging theories ranging from world peace to bollywood with her, badgering her with my PJ's and expanding my millitant fundas at her socialist attitude... I have grown so used to her that I shudder at the thought of a life without Charu and wish Pankaj didnt have to get transferred to Bangkok.

Heroes

2008-03-14T12:00:00.002+05:30

I love Heroes... of all kinds, shapes and sizes... who wouldn't...but the thing which has caught my fancy rite now is Heroes the show -season 2. I am amazed at the kind of effort that goes into the show... with so many characters, so many locations, etc... it must be a nightmare top produce it but if the end product is this good then it is worth all the effort.

But then, I keep on wondering which of these heroes would I like to be if I get an oppurtunity... Hiro is the first person that comes to my mind... not because he is soooooo cute with his innocence of saving the world and being a superhero.

Then comes sylar... the bad ones always leave a lasting impression. Then comes Monica... there is something about copycats with us Indians, so she scores more than Peter Petrelli and others... Hey I wud even love to get into somebodys mind and read their thoughts... on second thoughts no... it would drive me crazy!

Till the next episode of Heroes then,

I am a Terrorist

2008-03-11T16:06:00.002+05:30

I am a terrorist... yes ask all the stray dogs in my neighbourhood... I terrorise them with my eyes narrowed, right hand mid way in the air and a demonic laugh that I have mastered over the years. Why do I do this... because I'm sick of all these animal lovers who do not think twice before picking up a pub from the road and dropping it off in civilised areas where there are children and old people who are very susceptible to allergies and cant even run if some dog takes a fancy to them. Yes I also like animals, I'm no moron, but pray what sense does it make to go ga-ga over dogs, cats, and god forbid lizzards!!
Do you guys even think how stifled they must feel over all these unwanted love bestowed upon them? I for one dont like it when strangers smile at me, parental warning over the years about never to trust strangers has made me suspicious even of my own shadow, so how can I have a friendly look for the poor canine or feline creature.
So blame my terrorism to my childhood trauma... there for all you criminal pyschologists, I have given yu ample reason for my demented behaviour.... but I'm telling you, no dog is safe in my neighbourhood as long as I have my way!

Peeing about

2008-03-11T15:10:00.003+05:30

Why do people pee on the road... or for that matter spit, litter, etc... Is it because the need to relieve in public adds to the satisfaction or is it really beacuse of the poor sanitation in our country. If we are blaming the government for this then can anyone plz explain why do ppl in huge big cars (hey if they can afford cars that cost 10 lakhs upwards then they can afford a toilet seat for themselves) pee on the road... wat can be the solution to this... a conscious decision to not pee on the road even if it is a matter of life n death. And the stench, it is there everywhere, on the roads, in the railway stations, near bus stops, near offices...u name it and our dear friendly neighbourhood smell is there.
One can actually navigate a city with this stench, if it is foul and overpowering, then you are near a bazar with lots of people...more people, more urine, more stench. If the stench is faint, then you are hopefulluy near an housing society, and if the stench is mixed with other smells of flowers, food, perfume, you are near a hi-fi shopping mall.
I wish all these stars who launch a perfume after their names, should actually encourage perfumers around the world to create an eco-perfume...which can liberally applied all over the eco-system to mask this stench.